> "... being genuine, about having something to offer, about the importance of being liked, but I think I'm missing something a bit more fundamental" My experi

> "... being genuine, about having something to offer, about the importance of being liked, but I think I'm missing something a bit more fundamental" My experience has been "having something to offer" is far and away the biggest factor, or rather what they think you have to offer. Everyone has plenty to offer, but not everyone immediately sees it, let alone appreciates it. The majority of people you meet won't be a "genuine bond" right away. What works the best for me is simple. You focus on them without betraying yourself. It's sort of a dance. You treat discussions like a ball that cannot be dropped and listen well. You aren't afraid to take the lead and always have something new when things get boring. You avoid going deep into a topic until you've tried at least a few others or get a strong reaction. You keep how often you talk about yourself in check and keep it relevant. It's really a broader mindset in life of constantly searching for common ground. You are not trying to please them, but just asserting what you both want in a natural way. You're keeping them involved and not being awkward sharing control of the interaction. > "it happens sometimes, but infrequently, and doesn't seem to be under my control at all." So it's that last part that was my problem. I used to be pretty awkward sharing control in social interactions. I would ramble without ever looking up at their face or willfully ignore body language stubbornly thinking it was what I was saying rather than everything else. I would zone out because I didn't know how to say I didn't know what they were talking about. I was too inside my own head. My thoughts about them would pile up and go unresolved. I was more comfortable making assumptions and trying to guess rather than just asking them. In short, I was afraid. No clue if this helps you or anyone. I tried. That's all we can do.