6 ms·

When I was 23, I misdosed myself and took 110mg of 4-AcO-DMT. The experience was EXTREMELY traumatic and I believed I was dying. At one point I was so overstimu

When I was 23, I misdosed myself and took 110mg of 4-AcO-DMT. The experience was EXTREMELY traumatic and I believed I was dying. At one point I was so overstimulated I just lay on my kitchen floor convulsing uncontrollably. The next few days I didn't know what to do. My body would just shake, I couldn't sleep and I stayed up until I passed out for an hour, and then my shaking would wake up myself up again. I was overwhelmed with dread and thought I had completely fucked my brain forever and all my potential was gone. But I went to therapy, got better, and my life is completely normal now. I have HPPD and see visual snow, but that's about it. This blog doesn't want to give platitudes like "it gets better" and I can see how they're not really helpful when you're in crisis mode. The one piece of advice that has helped me is the thinking that "I'm not the first one to ever go through this, and I won't be the last." No matter if you're fucked in the head, going bankrupt, getting divorced - whatever - you aren't alone and you can either find a solution or find acceptance.

DrBenCarson 4y ago
Wow 110mg is an enormous amount. Glad to hear you’re doing better.
drewcoo 4y ago
> When I was 23, I misdosed myself and took 110mg of 4-AcO-DMT. Are you sure that was "micro" dosing? It doesn't sound so micro. And this says it's at least an order of magnitude larger dosage than a microdose would be. https://thethirdwave.co/microdosing/dmt/ https://thethirdwave.co/microdosing/dmt/
- moralestapia 4y ago
  >misdosed
- sp332 4y ago
  The part you quoted doesn't say micro. Spell it out.
- tjr225 4y ago
  [dead]
- zafka 4y ago
  I read micro dosing the first time also. Somewhat out of habit when there is cognitive dissonance, I reread it and saw what it actually said. Usually this feature of my mind helps me to read quickly, but it comes with side effects :)
omginternets 4y ago
How did you end up overdosing like that? What's the story, there? Also, how disruptive is the visual snow on a day-to-day basis? And does it attenuate a bit over time?
- Firmwarrior 4y ago
  In case anyone else here isn't a druggie and wanted some context: According to Dr. Search Engine, MD, 2-5 milligrams is a "micro" dose, and 10-20 is a normal dose
- capableweb 4y ago
  > How did you end up overdosing like that? What's the story, there? As someone who have over/under-dosed a couple of times when I was younger: dealer says they give you 100mg, so in order to take 25mg without having a scale, you divide it into two piles and then those two piles, take one of them. Problem occurs when dealer fucked up somehow and actually gave you 200mg, so now you end up taking 50mg, double the intended dosage. Other ways of fucking up is believing you got 2CB when actually you got 2CP, or something similar like that, so the dose you thought was light/moderate, ended up being a heavy one, or vice-versa. Hence you should always start smaller than you think and wait for some hours :) I don't think I've ever overdosed at the scale that parent did, but it is possible to fuck up, especially without having accurate scales.
  - soulofmischief 4y ago
    You should never consume a powerful mind-altering psychedelic without exactly knowing the dose you are taking. You should never take a large dose without first studying the effects that lower doses have on your mind and body. The only way this happens is through carelessness and ignorance. Don't blame the guy above you for fucking up when you're fucking up equally bad by not measuring yourself and following established protocol. > Other ways of fucking up is believing you got 2CB when actually you got 2CP You should not purchase from sources you don't trust, and with a new dealer / batch you should always test the substance using a full kit, then take a small amount and wait, prior to consuming your intended dose. This is all drug safety 101. You can explore your mind but you must first care about your body. If someone thinks, "but I don't have time, I want to get high now, then they should not be taking drugs, as they lack the proper maturity to do it safely. > it is possible to fuck up Only through carelessness and ignorance. The lack of drug safety in the scene today is absolutely appalling, given the availability of drug testing kits, crowdsourced information hubs, and cheap milligram scales.
zander312 4y ago
It absolutely gets better. I took a heroic shroom dose and had a life alteringly bad experience. It left me a shell of my former self dealing with crippling anxiety and worse for years. It got better with time, therapy, and focusing on health and wellness. Professional help can really be a major catalyst for healing. I have now fully recovered, feel better than ever and have a great life. People must realize there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
- scruple 4y ago
  Exact same experience here. When I was in my early 20s. It derailed my life completely at the time but everything got back on track in a couple of years.
- pea 4y ago
  Exactly same experience here when I was about 14, from a single time taking mushrooms. Like the OP, I was convinced at the time I had some irreparable damage, as I was so seeing after-images and static on walls and felt extremely disassociated/anxious, but it was probably more garden variety anxiety than I admitted at the time. Constantly fixating on your thoughts because you think you're losing it is enough to make life pretty stressful. I got therapy and slowly forgot about it. I still have some HPPD symptoms, but interestingly those (and the anxiety) only started after I began looking for them after reading about them online a week or two after the incident, so I've always been curious if anyone can turn off their brain's filter enough to notice them if they tried.
vba616 4y ago
A long time ago, I read an account online of someone who was looking for a new recreational drug experience and they got some risperidone, which is a popular antipsychotic. (https://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=20529 https://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=20529) They took a much larger dose than the normally prescribed amount, and it resulted in a vividly recounted seemingly interminable and utterly hellish experience. I found it interesting and kind of funny, because we all live in a world familiar with crazy people, casually saying that someone troublesome "should get some help" or if more "empathetic" plaintively ask why nobody is doing anything about the poor untreated and downtrodden wandering the streets. And yet, it's a shock to a normal (more or less) person to find out that such medications, which are cheap and sometimes effective, are not fun. For some reason, the idea that "crazy pills" range from unpleasant to unbearable torture depending on dosage doesn't suggest itself as an obvious hypothesis to explain why people who obviously need them won't take them. And it never drives the development of better options. Even if someone does try it for themselves, their take-away is that it was hell for them because they aren't crazy.
- watwut 4y ago
  I don't think that much higher dose then prescribed combined with a person that would not be prescribed the drug at all is a good example for your point. Dosage matters for the experience. And, whether your body has issue the drug is supposed to fix matters too. The reasons why people don't take drugs are more complex then that and for so.e of the issues there are simply no know drugs to fix it.
- edgyquant 4y ago
  I’m bipolar II and thus “need” medicine. All medicines are a trade off: do the benefits outweighs the side effects. As someone who’s allergic to basically all chemicals they use for these (ADHD, anti depression and anti-psychotic) I would say that I sympathize with individuals who just don’t want to take them because they make you feel like “not you.” I’ve also went years without them, instead using meditation and therapy to try and prevent any of my low moods or deal with them as they appear. It was during this time I went from depressed working construction (despite being more than qualified for a junior position) to running a YC-backed startup as my first programming job. I am convinced that “religion” is the cure for most of these illnesses. Learning to be mindful and how to cope combined with open discussion about them goes a long way. But alas there is now an industrial complex around medication being the solution for this stuff.
lachlan_gray 4y ago
TIL that not everyone sees TV static and colourful artifacts. I’m glad to hear you are doing well. That is a serious journey.
sillysaurusx 4y ago
> The one piece of advice that has helped me is the thinking that "I'm not the first one to ever go through this, and I won't be the last." No matter if you're fucked in the head, going bankrupt, getting divorced - whatever - you aren't alone and you can either find a solution or find acceptance. That's good advice, but unfortunately it also applies to situations like "being put to death." Maybe my response seems flippant, but it's the core reason I was never able to internalize platitudes. There doesn't seem to be any nuanced or precise advice. Interestingly, one of the most effective for me was dang's: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13110096 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13110096 He probably didn't mean it as philosophical advice, but when I read it, I burst out laughing and never really stopped. When things get tough, I just shrug and try to embrace it. After all, things can always get worse. If you take an attitude of "I wonder how bad things can get?" then you tend to discover that there's an upper bound on most forms of badness, which did make me feel better. E.g. it's hard to imagine a shot at the dentist getting much worse than the worst pain you've ever experienced in your life. So if you've already felt something worse, you can calibrate your temporary expectations and snap yourself out of fear loops. A shot at the dentist isn't so bad, but mental loops can be. So if you're in an anxiety spiral, compare it to the worst emotional distress you've ever felt, and see if it's worse. If it's worse, switch to physical pain. I'm able to stay in a good mood when I'm nauseous thanks to having had one of the worst illnesses I've ever had, a few months ago. Headaches and queasiness feels small in comparison.
- jvanderbot 4y ago
  > That's good advice, but unfortunately it also applies to situations like "being put to death." This may come as a surprise, but we should be able to face death calmly as well, knowing full well it affects everyone in due time. It is more reliable than any other situation such as divorce, psychotic breakdown, sickness, loss of loved one.... I can't imagine being calm facing death, but I don't see is as a contradiction to say we can face divorce and death calmly and with equanimity knowing others have and will go through it.
  - sillysaurusx 4y ago
    Unfortunately, if one allows oneself to believe that too much, it's mental permission to commit suicide. After all, committing suicide is just as much a valid task as anything else, like writing a book or making a chair. It's an extremely hard one, too. But since others have and will go through it, as you say, it becomes that much easier. Especially when you're resolved to face it calmly and equanimously.

DrBenCarson 4y ago

Wow 110mg is an enormous amount. Glad to hear you’re doing better.

drewcoo 4y ago

> When I was 23, I misdosed myself and took 110mg of 4-AcO-DMT. Are you sure that was "micro" dosing? It doesn't sound so micro. And this says it's at least an order of magnitude larger dosage than a microdose would be. https://thethirdwave.co/microdosing/dmt/ https://thethirdwave.co/microdosing/dmt/

moralestapia 4y ago
>misdosed
sp332 4y ago
The part you quoted doesn't say micro. Spell it out.
tjr225 4y ago
[dead]
zafka 4y ago
I read micro dosing the first time also. Somewhat out of habit when there is cognitive dissonance, I reread it and saw what it actually said. Usually this feature of my mind helps me to read quickly, but it comes with side effects :)

omginternets 4y ago

How did you end up overdosing like that? What's the story, there? Also, how disruptive is the visual snow on a day-to-day basis? And does it attenuate a bit over time?

Firmwarrior 4y ago
In case anyone else here isn't a druggie and wanted some context: According to Dr. Search Engine, MD, 2-5 milligrams is a "micro" dose, and 10-20 is a normal dose
capableweb 4y ago
> How did you end up overdosing like that? What's the story, there? As someone who have over/under-dosed a couple of times when I was younger: dealer says they give you 100mg, so in order to take 25mg without having a scale, you divide it into two piles and then those two piles, take one of them. Problem occurs when dealer fucked up somehow and actually gave you 200mg, so now you end up taking 50mg, double the intended dosage. Other ways of fucking up is believing you got 2CB when actually you got 2CP, or something similar like that, so the dose you thought was light/moderate, ended up being a heavy one, or vice-versa. Hence you should always start smaller than you think and wait for some hours :) I don't think I've ever overdosed at the scale that parent did, but it is possible to fuck up, especially without having accurate scales.
- soulofmischief 4y ago
  You should never consume a powerful mind-altering psychedelic without exactly knowing the dose you are taking. You should never take a large dose without first studying the effects that lower doses have on your mind and body. The only way this happens is through carelessness and ignorance. Don't blame the guy above you for fucking up when you're fucking up equally bad by not measuring yourself and following established protocol. > Other ways of fucking up is believing you got 2CB when actually you got 2CP You should not purchase from sources you don't trust, and with a new dealer / batch you should always test the substance using a full kit, then take a small amount and wait, prior to consuming your intended dose. This is all drug safety 101. You can explore your mind but you must first care about your body. If someone thinks, "but I don't have time, I want to get high now, then they should not be taking drugs, as they lack the proper maturity to do it safely. > it is possible to fuck up Only through carelessness and ignorance. The lack of drug safety in the scene today is absolutely appalling, given the availability of drug testing kits, crowdsourced information hubs, and cheap milligram scales.

zander312 4y ago

It absolutely gets better. I took a heroic shroom dose and had a life alteringly bad experience. It left me a shell of my former self dealing with crippling anxiety and worse for years. It got better with time, therapy, and focusing on health and wellness. Professional help can really be a major catalyst for healing. I have now fully recovered, feel better than ever and have a great life. People must realize there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

scruple 4y ago
Exact same experience here. When I was in my early 20s. It derailed my life completely at the time but everything got back on track in a couple of years.
pea 4y ago
Exactly same experience here when I was about 14, from a single time taking mushrooms. Like the OP, I was convinced at the time I had some irreparable damage, as I was so seeing after-images and static on walls and felt extremely disassociated/anxious, but it was probably more garden variety anxiety than I admitted at the time. Constantly fixating on your thoughts because you think you're losing it is enough to make life pretty stressful. I got therapy and slowly forgot about it. I still have some HPPD symptoms, but interestingly those (and the anxiety) only started after I began looking for them after reading about them online a week or two after the incident, so I've always been curious if anyone can turn off their brain's filter enough to notice them if they tried.

vba616 4y ago

A long time ago, I read an account online of someone who was looking for a new recreational drug experience and they got some risperidone, which is a popular antipsychotic. (https://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=20529 https://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=20529) They took a much larger dose than the normally prescribed amount, and it resulted in a vividly recounted seemingly interminable and utterly hellish experience. I found it interesting and kind of funny, because we all live in a world familiar with crazy people, casually saying that someone troublesome "should get some help" or if more "empathetic" plaintively ask why nobody is doing anything about the poor untreated and downtrodden wandering the streets. And yet, it's a shock to a normal (more or less) person to find out that such medications, which are cheap and sometimes effective, are not fun. For some reason, the idea that "crazy pills" range from unpleasant to unbearable torture depending on dosage doesn't suggest itself as an obvious hypothesis to explain why people who obviously need them won't take them. And it never drives the development of better options. Even if someone does try it for themselves, their take-away is that it was hell for them because they aren't crazy.

watwut 4y ago
I don't think that much higher dose then prescribed combined with a person that would not be prescribed the drug at all is a good example for your point. Dosage matters for the experience. And, whether your body has issue the drug is supposed to fix matters too. The reasons why people don't take drugs are more complex then that and for so.e of the issues there are simply no know drugs to fix it.
edgyquant 4y ago
I’m bipolar II and thus “need” medicine. All medicines are a trade off: do the benefits outweighs the side effects. As someone who’s allergic to basically all chemicals they use for these (ADHD, anti depression and anti-psychotic) I would say that I sympathize with individuals who just don’t want to take them because they make you feel like “not you.” I’ve also went years without them, instead using meditation and therapy to try and prevent any of my low moods or deal with them as they appear. It was during this time I went from depressed working construction (despite being more than qualified for a junior position) to running a YC-backed startup as my first programming job. I am convinced that “religion” is the cure for most of these illnesses. Learning to be mindful and how to cope combined with open discussion about them goes a long way. But alas there is now an industrial complex around medication being the solution for this stuff.

lachlan_gray 4y ago

TIL that not everyone sees TV static and colourful artifacts. I’m glad to hear you are doing well. That is a serious journey.

sillysaurusx 4y ago

> The one piece of advice that has helped me is the thinking that "I'm not the first one to ever go through this, and I won't be the last." No matter if you're fucked in the head, going bankrupt, getting divorced - whatever - you aren't alone and you can either find a solution or find acceptance. That's good advice, but unfortunately it also applies to situations like "being put to death." Maybe my response seems flippant, but it's the core reason I was never able to internalize platitudes. There doesn't seem to be any nuanced or precise advice. Interestingly, one of the most effective for me was dang's: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13110096 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13110096 He probably didn't mean it as philosophical advice, but when I read it, I burst out laughing and never really stopped. When things get tough, I just shrug and try to embrace it. After all, things can always get worse. If you take an attitude of "I wonder how bad things can get?" then you tend to discover that there's an upper bound on most forms of badness, which did make me feel better. E.g. it's hard to imagine a shot at the dentist getting much worse than the worst pain you've ever experienced in your life. So if you've already felt something worse, you can calibrate your temporary expectations and snap yourself out of fear loops. A shot at the dentist isn't so bad, but mental loops can be. So if you're in an anxiety spiral, compare it to the worst emotional distress you've ever felt, and see if it's worse. If it's worse, switch to physical pain. I'm able to stay in a good mood when I'm nauseous thanks to having had one of the worst illnesses I've ever had, a few months ago. Headaches and queasiness feels small in comparison.

jvanderbot 4y ago
> That's good advice, but unfortunately it also applies to situations like "being put to death." This may come as a surprise, but we should be able to face death calmly as well, knowing full well it affects everyone in due time. It is more reliable than any other situation such as divorce, psychotic breakdown, sickness, loss of loved one.... I can't imagine being calm facing death, but I don't see is as a contradiction to say we can face divorce and death calmly and with equanimity knowing others have and will go through it.
- sillysaurusx 4y ago
  Unfortunately, if one allows oneself to believe that too much, it's mental permission to commit suicide. After all, committing suicide is just as much a valid task as anything else, like writing a book or making a chair. It's an extremely hard one, too. But since others have and will go through it, as you say, it becomes that much easier. Especially when you're resolved to face it calmly and equanimously.