I think that if you can't get yourself to do something for a long time, it's because you truly don't want to do it but haven't admitted it to yourself. Probably

I think that if you can't get yourself to do something for a long time, it's because you truly don't want to do it but haven't admitted it to yourself. Probably you have a strong vision of who you are -- a PhD student, an eventual academic -- and it turns out it's in conflict with some other part of your identity, what you actually want to do. You'll find instant peace if you admit that you don't want to do it and stop feeling like you should. It is fine, actually, to do a thing until you realize you don't want to and then change your mind, but it's tied up in a bunch of other stuff so it's hard to see that clearly.