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> For most American adults, the group you spend most of your time with is your coworkers. And that also guarantees that when you leave the company, you also le

> For most American adults, the group you spend most of your time with is your coworkers. And that also guarantees that when you leave the company, you also leave your "friends". I wholly reject intertwining work and professional relationships with friend relationships. I certainly won't be mean to my colleagues... but my closest colleague is 600mi away. And that's OK. I do spend a bit of time with local groups for developing friendships with.. And they'll be there regardless where I work.

driscoll42 4y ago
On one level I agree with you that mingling work relationships with friendships is often fraught with issues of things bleeding over in a negative way. But let's be real, to do so takes much more effort, and especially for people who have kids, they don't really have much time to socialize with other adults than at work. Or some people they're exhausted after a day of work so if they want to have fun, easier to just talk to someone at work.
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vel0city 4y ago
> And that also guarantees that when you leave the company, you also leave your "friends". I am friends with many people who I am no longer coworkers with, some of which I consider to be pretty deep relationships. You don't have to stop talking once you or they have left the office, much in the same way that you don't have to stop being friends after taking a different class on a college campus.
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nscalf 4y ago
Seems like quite a bit of cynicism here. You can be friends with people you work with, and you can remain friends after you leave. You also don't have to be, do whatever you want. The thing you can't disagree with is that you spend most of your day interacting with them somehow, particularly if you're not working remote. That means you lose most of that social interaction when you work alone in a room. None of this was a criticism on choosing to not be friends with people you work with.
GuB-42 4y ago
> And that also guarantees that when you leave the company, you also leave your "friends". Why the scare quotes, around "friends"? Coworkers can be true friends, couples can form too. And of course it can last for way after you leave the company. What GP was saying is that in person meetings, as it is common in the office is how you get to know new people, who may or may not become true friends. Once connection is made, work becomes secondary, though it helps in the sense that it maintains physical proximity. There is nothing special about work in that regard, school, clubs, associations, church... have the same effect. I also think the intermingling of friend vs work relationships is not as problematic as people make it, unless there is an obvious conflict of interest. I have people at work with which we don't talk about work when we meet outside. I also have friends I never worked with who happen to do the same job and we sometime talk about work. I know that some people want to set hard boundaries, and maybe they need that, but I have also seen plenty of healthy relationships between colleagues or ex-colleagues that extend well beyond work.

driscoll42 4y ago

On one level I agree with you that mingling work relationships with friendships is often fraught with issues of things bleeding over in a negative way. But let's be real, to do so takes much more effort, and especially for people who have kids, they don't really have much time to socialize with other adults than at work. Or some people they're exhausted after a day of work so if they want to have fun, easier to just talk to someone at work.

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vel0city 4y ago

> And that also guarantees that when you leave the company, you also leave your "friends". I am friends with many people who I am no longer coworkers with, some of which I consider to be pretty deep relationships. You don't have to stop talking once you or they have left the office, much in the same way that you don't have to stop being friends after taking a different class on a college campus.

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nscalf 4y ago

Seems like quite a bit of cynicism here. You can be friends with people you work with, and you can remain friends after you leave. You also don't have to be, do whatever you want. The thing you can't disagree with is that you spend most of your day interacting with them somehow, particularly if you're not working remote. That means you lose most of that social interaction when you work alone in a room. None of this was a criticism on choosing to not be friends with people you work with.

GuB-42 4y ago

> And that also guarantees that when you leave the company, you also leave your "friends". Why the scare quotes, around "friends"? Coworkers can be true friends, couples can form too. And of course it can last for way after you leave the company. What GP was saying is that in person meetings, as it is common in the office is how you get to know new people, who may or may not become true friends. Once connection is made, work becomes secondary, though it helps in the sense that it maintains physical proximity. There is nothing special about work in that regard, school, clubs, associations, church... have the same effect. I also think the intermingling of friend vs work relationships is not as problematic as people make it, unless there is an obvious conflict of interest. I have people at work with which we don't talk about work when we meet outside. I also have friends I never worked with who happen to do the same job and we sometime talk about work. I know that some people want to set hard boundaries, and maybe they need that, but I have also seen plenty of healthy relationships between colleagues or ex-colleagues that extend well beyond work.