3 ms·

I'm in my twenties but I feel much older. I've been working in software development for a few years, part time, earning a good salary for my age and area, and d

by janus 15y ago

I'm in my twenties but I feel much older. I've been working in software development for a few years, part time, earning a good salary for my age and area, and dreaming of going solo and being independent. The only problem with my current life is that even though I can say I'm happy (with my family and girlfriend), I can't socialize with most people my age, because they are in a different state of mind (only thinking about partying, the girl they hooked up last weekend, etc)

guard-of-terra 15y ago
That's not the problem with people of your age. That's the problem with the people you picked up as your friends. Consider changing them to another set, you might be happier. Try choosing people with a serious hobby, they tend to be deeper.
- yariang 15y ago
  I agree. I've also found people with hobbies that are dangerous tend to be more mature. For example, people that go hiking, rock climbing, etc... I am not sure why and I am wary of saying it is because stupidity will get you killed in those situations and a more serious outlook serves you well, but that is one possible reason.
  - gorydetails 15y ago
    It takes serious planning and visualization over several years to excel at a demanding hobby. It requires dedication for the sake of its intrinsic rewards. These sorts of hobbies rarely have the potential to "turn into a business." Any serious practitioner has effectively self-selected as a person who has the means, makes the time, and has a passion for the pursuit of personal fulfillment.
    - yariang 15y ago
      +1 for wording it so well. I might add that it also takes a person who is willing to accept full responsibility for his actions and the actions of others in his group since nature takes no excuses.
- janus 15y ago
  Well I wish it was as easy as changing your operating system. The truth is, that living in a small city, in a third-world country, makes it hard to find people with hobbies aligned with yours, especially if you have uncommon hobbies.
  - guard-of-terra 15y ago
    It's not hard, Deeper people aren't uncommon. They tend to flock to other deeper people. Once you've found one you suddenly have access to a sizable colony. It's easy once it's your priority. Try finding them over internet. Not much point seeking for them by visiting ordinary parties since they rarely attend these.
- philbarr 15y ago
  I've seen this "change your friends" thing before, when it is perceived that they are holding you back. Is it me, or does this not seem a little callous? I've worked hard to get where I am now, and I've got a good s/w dev job, and am working towards having my own s/w company etc. And it takes a long time and it's hard but I still do it because I've a clear vision of where I want to be. But my friends aren't like that. Mostly they have jobs that they do only for the money, and aren't driven to put the extra effort in outside of work in order to get where they would prefer to be. I have quite a few friends (I like to think!), and I'm not friends with them because they further my own selfish ends, I'm friends with them because they're good people to be around, they're funny and witty, and we're pretty much guaranteed a good laugh when we get together. I couldn't imagine deliberately splitting away from them in order to meet more business-minded people. Surely if you "choose" friends (because making good friends is really as easy as saying, "I'll have you, you, and you") solely for selfish means then you're not being a good friend to anyone. Although I do want to make money and be rich and run my own company, I have no interest in being the next Tim Ferris (author of The 4 Hour Work Week), who I see as being the personification of self-interest. This is not meant as a criticism, only that I think that we should be careful with the "change your friends" advice. Good friends are as much an investment of your time and energy as anything else.
  - anamax 15y ago
    > Good friends are as much an investment of your time and energy as anything else. Absolutely. So, what is the ROI on your investment? And, do you understand what "sunk costs" means? > I couldn't imagine deliberately splitting away from them in order to meet more business-minded people. Then don't. However, the consequences of your choices don't depend on whether you want said consequences. While you're at it, look up "false dilemma". Your current friends and "business-minded people" aren't the only options.
    - philbarr 15y ago
      Is it really necessary to look at friends in terms of "ROI"? Should I calculate the ROI for each friend? And if a particular friend falls below his/her expected "return" (however that's calculated) then do I ditch them? > Your current friends and "business-minded people" aren't the only options. I agree, I inferred that these were the only two options from the "change your friends" advice. I wanted to highlight the importance of having a good set of people around you, and that aiming only for business-minded people is probably a bad idea (in my opinion). Especially since I've seen this advice handed out more than once on this forum and others.

by janus 15y ago

guard-of-terra 15y ago

That's not the problem with people of your age. That's the problem with the people you picked up as your friends. Consider changing them to another set, you might be happier. Try choosing people with a serious hobby, they tend to be deeper.

yariang 15y ago
I agree. I've also found people with hobbies that are dangerous tend to be more mature. For example, people that go hiking, rock climbing, etc... I am not sure why and I am wary of saying it is because stupidity will get you killed in those situations and a more serious outlook serves you well, but that is one possible reason.
- gorydetails 15y ago
  It takes serious planning and visualization over several years to excel at a demanding hobby. It requires dedication for the sake of its intrinsic rewards. These sorts of hobbies rarely have the potential to "turn into a business." Any serious practitioner has effectively self-selected as a person who has the means, makes the time, and has a passion for the pursuit of personal fulfillment.
  - yariang 15y ago
    +1 for wording it so well. I might add that it also takes a person who is willing to accept full responsibility for his actions and the actions of others in his group since nature takes no excuses.
janus 15y ago
Well I wish it was as easy as changing your operating system. The truth is, that living in a small city, in a third-world country, makes it hard to find people with hobbies aligned with yours, especially if you have uncommon hobbies.
- guard-of-terra 15y ago
  It's not hard, Deeper people aren't uncommon. They tend to flock to other deeper people. Once you've found one you suddenly have access to a sizable colony. It's easy once it's your priority. Try finding them over internet. Not much point seeking for them by visiting ordinary parties since they rarely attend these.
philbarr 15y ago
I've seen this "change your friends" thing before, when it is perceived that they are holding you back. Is it me, or does this not seem a little callous? I've worked hard to get where I am now, and I've got a good s/w dev job, and am working towards having my own s/w company etc. And it takes a long time and it's hard but I still do it because I've a clear vision of where I want to be. But my friends aren't like that. Mostly they have jobs that they do only for the money, and aren't driven to put the extra effort in outside of work in order to get where they would prefer to be. I have quite a few friends (I like to think!), and I'm not friends with them because they further my own selfish ends, I'm friends with them because they're good people to be around, they're funny and witty, and we're pretty much guaranteed a good laugh when we get together. I couldn't imagine deliberately splitting away from them in order to meet more business-minded people. Surely if you "choose" friends (because making good friends is really as easy as saying, "I'll have you, you, and you") solely for selfish means then you're not being a good friend to anyone. Although I do want to make money and be rich and run my own company, I have no interest in being the next Tim Ferris (author of The 4 Hour Work Week), who I see as being the personification of self-interest. This is not meant as a criticism, only that I think that we should be careful with the "change your friends" advice. Good friends are as much an investment of your time and energy as anything else.
- anamax 15y ago
  > Good friends are as much an investment of your time and energy as anything else. Absolutely. So, what is the ROI on your investment? And, do you understand what "sunk costs" means? > I couldn't imagine deliberately splitting away from them in order to meet more business-minded people. Then don't. However, the consequences of your choices don't depend on whether you want said consequences. While you're at it, look up "false dilemma". Your current friends and "business-minded people" aren't the only options.
  - philbarr 15y ago
    Is it really necessary to look at friends in terms of "ROI"? Should I calculate the ROI for each friend? And if a particular friend falls below his/her expected "return" (however that's calculated) then do I ditch them? > Your current friends and "business-minded people" aren't the only options. I agree, I inferred that these were the only two options from the "change your friends" advice. I wanted to highlight the importance of having a good set of people around you, and that aiming only for business-minded people is probably a bad idea (in my opinion). Especially since I've seen this advice handed out more than once on this forum and others.