"The thing I find hard is when I know that my life is objectively having a negative impact on those I love and society generally. That tends to be when I spiral

"The thing I find hard is when I know that my life is objectively having a negative impact on those I love and society generally. That tends to be when I spiral because at that point I know I'm better off not being here." I think that is a very wrong way to think about life. People are happy to have you with them, no matter your current (financial) circumstances. It's not a good attitude. You don't always have to provide positive impact. We all have weaknesses and bad times. we certainly have had "bad impact" on people around us - losing jobs, being sick, being depressed - that's part of the human experience.