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Yes. I quit and then asked: “what if I stayed and do I regret leaving” on my last 4 companies. Universally the answer is no I don’t regret it. One imploded an

Yes. I quit and then asked: “what if I stayed and do I regret leaving” on my last 4 companies. Universally the answer is no I don’t regret it. One imploded and laid off like 60% of people after turning into a nasty political hell hole. Another laid off massively and is now world renowned as a failed story. Another gave me zero opportunities and everyone was yelling at each other all the time. Believe me, I tried to enter my internal universe and be happy not learning and not growing. Being bored to death and underutilized if you feel highly talented and creative is a form of death. Op needs to answer: What has he done in his life? Built a unicorn and IPOd it? Jet skiing with super models? Inventing cures for diseases? Or did he sort of sit in a cubicle typing and reading Reddit for the last five years. A lot of those on here, I don’t listen to their input on what successs is. I will never be happy until I am climbing to the highest potential I can get to. No one is going to talk me into being otherwise.

deleted 4y ago
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bumby 4y ago
“No one is going to talk me into…” is shorthand for “I’m not open to any other ideas that don’t align with my preconceived notions.” It’s not terribly productive on a site whose guidelines try to foster an open and curious conversation.
- lapcat 4y ago
  It's supposed to be about intellectual curiosity. Not questioning other people's life choices and giving unsolicited advice.
  - bumby 4y ago
    It's a little odd to me that you would seem to expect an article and discussion on something subject like "happiness" not to have personal accounts of their subjective experience.
    - lapcat 4y ago
      That's not what I said. It's an uncharitable interpretation of what I said. By all means, people can say what makes them happy! My point is that we have no grounds for criticizing another person's subjective experience or personal life choices, nor is that desirable as a goal for this website.
      - bumby 4y ago
        Where do you think the OP was being criticizing? I did not see them say anyone was wrong, or making bad decisions. They even made sure to equivocate by saying there's nothing wrong with trying to change one's circumstances.
        lapcat 4y ago
        I'm talking about your comment: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34408305 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34408305
        bumby 4y ago
        So your issue is with me pointing out that saying what amounts to "Nothing you say can change my mind" isn't conducive to conversation? How would you say the OP adds to the discussion if what they say, almost by definition, is meant to shut down discussion? Or is your issue with pointing out HN guidelines? It feels like you're reading way more into my point than was actually there if you think I was criticizing anything related to their life decisions. It's fine with me if someone has that point of view. But I don't think a forum like HN, which is supposed to be about fostering dialogue, is the best place to share it, or at least share it in that manner.
- taneq 4y ago
  Did you read what came after “talk me into”? I think a preconceived notion that you want to make the most of your life isn’t something that you should necessarily be open to being talked out of.
  - bumby 4y ago
    >preconceived notion that you want to make the most of your life isn’t something that you should necessarily be open to being talked out of. Fair enough when it's just a vague, general sentiment like "making the most of your life." What is probably worth being open minded about is how you define the objective function that maximizes that potential. It might be a little odd if I defined "making the most out of my life" in the same way I did when I was six (or even 16) years old.
- anonreeeeplor 4y ago
  I have co founded a $100+ million valuation startup. I am not in the top 50%. I am not in the top 80%. I am in the very very very top 0.5%. If you have worked in most tech jobs, at large or medium sized companies, you have not met people like me. I took risks. Major ones. I left comfort.
  - nirvdrum 4y ago
    I've met plenty of people that took huge risks and wound up incredibly depressed. Many (most?) startup founders pour everything they have into that company. They give up money, time, health, relationships, other opportunities, etc. Most don't make it. Others will have a success on paper and then waste another year as a middle manager in a big company to get that earnout. Of course, that gets into the debate about whether they were working on the right thing at the right time -- survivorship bias is really strong on this topic. I'm happy for your success. I assume it was earned with hard work. I hope it works out. A lot of startups with high valuations are feeling the crunch right now. Many of those will peter out and the founders will join the rest of those depressed by their life choices and/or feeling like victims of circumstance. There's far more to success than forgoing comfort and there's far more to happiness than success. For my part, I co-founded and built two companies for ~4.5 years each: one in hardware and one in SaaS. The SaaS one was in the second batch of TechStars Boston. I had some success and I'm happy I did it. I learned a lot and it was generally fun. But, I trashed my health and wouldn't recommend others do it under the guise of happiness. Nowadays I do industrial research on language VMs. I get paid very well. The work is gratifying. I have time for my kids, I'm learning things on the job. And I work with great people. I'll probably start another company some day because I like the variety of work and the thrill of the chase. My startup experience gave me a broad network and introduced new opportunities, but I'm only marginally better off compensation-wise than peers that worked a more conventional career. I'm almost certainly behind in terms of lifetime earnings. Many of them are impressed that I struck out and built multiple companies, but that has no real bearing on my happiness. I'm not sure what being in the top 0.5% means without knowing the metric. If you love starting companies, have at it, but I can think of more challenging paths if you're looking to reach your full potential. Some of the smartest people I've ever met built the foundational technologies that allow SaaS to even exist while working for decades at the same company. I don't know how happy they are, but I know how impactful they've been.
- tjrDL6MjB2Zwwa 4y ago
  [flagged]
  - bumby 4y ago
    The point being made is that HN is meant for discussion; so I'd assume you wouldn't see any value in discussing that topic on the forum. I think it's fair to say there are certain principles (like the idea that a minor cannot consent to a sexual relationship with an adult, or that slavery is a moral wrong) can be viewed as immutable (or, at least immutable within a certain cultural context). However, germane to the discussion in this thread, I don't think the definition of "happiness" is one of those immutable principles.
    - tjrDL6MjB2Zwwa 4y ago
      The quote in it's full context > A lot of those on here, I don’t listen to their input on what successs is. > I will never be happy until I am climbing to the highest potential I can get to. No one is going to talk me into being otherwise. What's being discussed is the definition of _success_, not happiness. And in fact, what the poster said is, this is what makes me happy and I'm not interested in anyone convincing me that shouldn't be what makes me happy.
      - bumby 4y ago
        You’re missing the even broader context. The article is explicitly discussing “happiness” and why the author isn’t happy despite being “successful” by traditional measures. Further, some of the issue is with the imprecise definition of “happy”. The modern use of the term can be used interchangeably. What causes someone to be hedonically happy may make them eudaimonically unhappy. So IMO it’s completely warranted to have further discussion to either define the definition or bring into question if someone is chasing the right goal for them. Saying what is tantamount to “I’m not willing to discuss this” facilitates none of that.
        tjrDL6MjB2Zwwa 4y ago
mattejade 4y ago
I think many of the people who say that "happiness must come from within" are making a logical leap. It's true, you could go out and make lots of life changes yet still be unhappy. But that doesn't mean /every/ life change is futile for our happiness. Perhaps you just didn't change it in the right way! From a more scientific perspective, there have been plenty of studies done on happiness, and it's virtually undeniable that our external environment has at least /some/ effect on our happiness.[1] I'd argue that one has to ignore or dismiss a massive wealth of studies in psychology to insist that happiness only comes from within. [1] Since I'm talking broadly, this might act as a good summary - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill
data_maan 4y ago
I'm detecting a low-level stubborn here, but I can't quite put my finger on it. (Jet skiing with super models BTW is one of the most ephemeral ways of gratification one can seek, probably induced into you by media -have a look at Girard's theory of mimetics to understand why you even want this- and as such something that will only impress the most superficial of people, if you tell them "I super-model jet skiing" when asked what you did with your life - all of which make me believe this must be a young person writing.)

deleted 4y ago

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deleted 4y ago

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bumby 4y ago

“No one is going to talk me into…” is shorthand for “I’m not open to any other ideas that don’t align with my preconceived notions.” It’s not terribly productive on a site whose guidelines try to foster an open and curious conversation.

lapcat 4y ago
It's supposed to be about intellectual curiosity. Not questioning other people's life choices and giving unsolicited advice.
- bumby 4y ago
  It's a little odd to me that you would seem to expect an article and discussion on something subject like "happiness" not to have personal accounts of their subjective experience.
  - lapcat 4y ago
    That's not what I said. It's an uncharitable interpretation of what I said. By all means, people can say what makes them happy! My point is that we have no grounds for criticizing another person's subjective experience or personal life choices, nor is that desirable as a goal for this website.
    - bumby 4y ago
      Where do you think the OP was being criticizing? I did not see them say anyone was wrong, or making bad decisions. They even made sure to equivocate by saying there's nothing wrong with trying to change one's circumstances.
      - lapcat 4y ago
        I'm talking about your comment: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34408305 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34408305
        bumby 4y ago
        So your issue is with me pointing out that saying what amounts to "Nothing you say can change my mind" isn't conducive to conversation? How would you say the OP adds to the discussion if what they say, almost by definition, is meant to shut down discussion? Or is your issue with pointing out HN guidelines? It feels like you're reading way more into my point than was actually there if you think I was criticizing anything related to their life decisions. It's fine with me if someone has that point of view. But I don't think a forum like HN, which is supposed to be about fostering dialogue, is the best place to share it, or at least share it in that manner.
taneq 4y ago
Did you read what came after “talk me into”? I think a preconceived notion that you want to make the most of your life isn’t something that you should necessarily be open to being talked out of.
- bumby 4y ago
  >preconceived notion that you want to make the most of your life isn’t something that you should necessarily be open to being talked out of. Fair enough when it's just a vague, general sentiment like "making the most of your life." What is probably worth being open minded about is how you define the objective function that maximizes that potential. It might be a little odd if I defined "making the most out of my life" in the same way I did when I was six (or even 16) years old.
anonreeeeplor 4y ago
I have co founded a $100+ million valuation startup. I am not in the top 50%. I am not in the top 80%. I am in the very very very top 0.5%. If you have worked in most tech jobs, at large or medium sized companies, you have not met people like me. I took risks. Major ones. I left comfort.
- nirvdrum 4y ago
  I've met plenty of people that took huge risks and wound up incredibly depressed. Many (most?) startup founders pour everything they have into that company. They give up money, time, health, relationships, other opportunities, etc. Most don't make it. Others will have a success on paper and then waste another year as a middle manager in a big company to get that earnout. Of course, that gets into the debate about whether they were working on the right thing at the right time -- survivorship bias is really strong on this topic. I'm happy for your success. I assume it was earned with hard work. I hope it works out. A lot of startups with high valuations are feeling the crunch right now. Many of those will peter out and the founders will join the rest of those depressed by their life choices and/or feeling like victims of circumstance. There's far more to success than forgoing comfort and there's far more to happiness than success. For my part, I co-founded and built two companies for ~4.5 years each: one in hardware and one in SaaS. The SaaS one was in the second batch of TechStars Boston. I had some success and I'm happy I did it. I learned a lot and it was generally fun. But, I trashed my health and wouldn't recommend others do it under the guise of happiness. Nowadays I do industrial research on language VMs. I get paid very well. The work is gratifying. I have time for my kids, I'm learning things on the job. And I work with great people. I'll probably start another company some day because I like the variety of work and the thrill of the chase. My startup experience gave me a broad network and introduced new opportunities, but I'm only marginally better off compensation-wise than peers that worked a more conventional career. I'm almost certainly behind in terms of lifetime earnings. Many of them are impressed that I struck out and built multiple companies, but that has no real bearing on my happiness. I'm not sure what being in the top 0.5% means without knowing the metric. If you love starting companies, have at it, but I can think of more challenging paths if you're looking to reach your full potential. Some of the smartest people I've ever met built the foundational technologies that allow SaaS to even exist while working for decades at the same company. I don't know how happy they are, but I know how impactful they've been.
tjrDL6MjB2Zwwa 4y ago
[flagged]
- bumby 4y ago
  The point being made is that HN is meant for discussion; so I'd assume you wouldn't see any value in discussing that topic on the forum. I think it's fair to say there are certain principles (like the idea that a minor cannot consent to a sexual relationship with an adult, or that slavery is a moral wrong) can be viewed as immutable (or, at least immutable within a certain cultural context). However, germane to the discussion in this thread, I don't think the definition of "happiness" is one of those immutable principles.
  - tjrDL6MjB2Zwwa 4y ago
    The quote in it's full context > A lot of those on here, I don’t listen to their input on what successs is. > I will never be happy until I am climbing to the highest potential I can get to. No one is going to talk me into being otherwise. What's being discussed is the definition of _success_, not happiness. And in fact, what the poster said is, this is what makes me happy and I'm not interested in anyone convincing me that shouldn't be what makes me happy.
    - bumby 4y ago
      You’re missing the even broader context. The article is explicitly discussing “happiness” and why the author isn’t happy despite being “successful” by traditional measures. Further, some of the issue is with the imprecise definition of “happy”. The modern use of the term can be used interchangeably. What causes someone to be hedonically happy may make them eudaimonically unhappy. So IMO it’s completely warranted to have further discussion to either define the definition or bring into question if someone is chasing the right goal for them. Saying what is tantamount to “I’m not willing to discuss this” facilitates none of that.
      - tjrDL6MjB2Zwwa 4y ago

mattejade 4y ago

I think many of the people who say that "happiness must come from within" are making a logical leap. It's true, you could go out and make lots of life changes yet still be unhappy. But that doesn't mean /every/ life change is futile for our happiness. Perhaps you just didn't change it in the right way! From a more scientific perspective, there have been plenty of studies done on happiness, and it's virtually undeniable that our external environment has at least /some/ effect on our happiness.[1] I'd argue that one has to ignore or dismiss a massive wealth of studies in psychology to insist that happiness only comes from within. [1] Since I'm talking broadly, this might act as a good summary - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill

data_maan 4y ago

I'm detecting a low-level stubborn here, but I can't quite put my finger on it. (Jet skiing with super models BTW is one of the most ephemeral ways of gratification one can seek, probably induced into you by media -have a look at Girard's theory of mimetics to understand why you even want this- and as such something that will only impress the most superficial of people, if you tell them "I super-model jet skiing" when asked what you did with your life - all of which make me believe this must be a young person writing.)