I did it when I found my people. And after I did it once I could recognize the feeling and get back to it. I’ve always been quiet, bookish, social events are dr

I did it when I found my people. And after I did it once I could recognize the feeling and get back to it. I’ve always been quiet, bookish, social events are draining. But I found a way. The key came when I attended the velocity conference a decade ago and it was full of people interested in stuff I like, with interesting stories to tell and thoughts to share. I went out to dinner with a colleague I’d passed a dozen times but never spoken to. I’d just spent the day chatting to strangers and rather than feeling drained like normal I felt energized. We talked for an hour and I realized that it felt great. We talked tech and how people fit into technical processes. It dawned on me that this is how extroverts feel. It’s not that we don’t like connecting with other people it’s that we like a style of connection that we often don’t get. Once you identify the type of interaction you like you can go and get it. For me it is 1:1 deep conversation about interesting things. So I started to lean on that. Find something interesting and likable about the person I’m talking to. Discover the thing they care about. Learn about it from them. Dive deep into a the thing they care about. People love to talk about themselves, dig around till you find the thing they love and they’ll open up. Those things are probably also the most likable things about them. I also realized that certain behaviors are more successful so I wear them on purpose. Imagine it as a prompt for ChatGPT. “As a professional with confidence and poise what would I say now” For example I was traveling alone to a vacation destination. I realized it’d be more fun if there were people to share it with. So I made a point to talk to every person I encountered: Person on the plane next to me. Person struggling to close the overhead bin. Person at baggage claim, person on the boat to the island. Once we arrived there were 8 people I knew by face or name and I simply invited the group to anything I found interesting. I have funny pictures of what looks like a group of old friends on vacation together. But they were all new friends who I met by delicate choice. So to recap: Find your people. Figure out what you’re passionate about and attend group meetings of those people. Use the character prompt: “as an outgoing, friendly person I’d say the following” Practice deliberately talking to strangers. (This is a huge life hack) Realize that beneficial personality traits are available to dawn as they suit you. Extroverts reading this will chuckle at how conscious and deliberate the tactics are. I suspect because extroverts simply do all this stuff intuitively. Well just because we have to work harder at it doesn’t mean we can’t get the job done.