5 ms·

Nearly 20 years ago my friend and I returned to his dorm building after a long long night out, only to discover we were locked out. With nothing better to do, w

by gk1 4y ago

Nearly 20 years ago my friend and I returned to his dorm building after a long long night out, only to discover we were locked out. With nothing better to do, we sat outside on the stoop and planned to chat the hours away until 6am when the doors would reopen. Before the dawn came, a man in his 80s almost walked past us. He stopped to ask for directions somewhere, maybe to a church. After our half-hearted attempt at giving him directions, he asked us a question. Small talk. And then another. And then the questions turned into statements (“my daughter also went to art school”), and then into short stories, then long stories. My friend and I — having nothing better to do at this early hour, and each recognizing this man wasn’t looking for a sermon but an audience — kept listening. The old man’s long stories turned into deeply personal stories; of hunting deer with his father, of losing friends in the war… He went on and on, pausing occasionally to stare a thousand yards past us and let a patient tear make room for another. An hour later, in a click, the man wished us a good day and went about his way. And with a click, the lobby door behind us unlocked, and we went on our way. We slept until noon and I mostly forgot what else happened the previous night, but I never forgot that early morning moment. Those of us who are lucky to reach that age will surely have endless tales and thoughts to tell, and I hope we’re all lucky to find an attentive ear, whether from a stoop-sitting stranger or a taxi driver.

agentwiggles 4y ago
I had two fairly magical musical experiences with old guys during my college days. One happened during my junior year. I lived in a house with two other guys, who were out of town for the night, so I was home alone. I was short on cash so decided to just stay home, and I was playing guitar out on the stoop of my house drinking from a bottle of cheap wine that was left over in the fridge. I was pretty delighted when two drunk guys threw a fiver on my porch as they passed by - I was definitely not playing to any level that deserved money, but it felt pretty awesome. An older hippie looking guy came stumbling down the walk. He stopped and asked me if he could play something on my guitar. I was immediately nervous that the guy might run off with the guitar, but I hesitantly handed it over to him, and he strummed out a song which I had never heard before (Bob Dylan's She Belongs to Me). He was no rock star - his chord changes were sloppy, his voice was raspy and maybe a little off key. But he shared a wonderful song that I love to this day, then thanked me for letting him play and continued on his way. What a cool little moment, to meet this random stranger and be able to share that music. The other moment was even more strange and magical, and happened about a year before. A buddy and I had been holed up in the house watching TV and smoking pot for a while, and we stepped out onto the stoop to have a cigarette. It was a beautiful spring afternoon, and we were just chatting, goofing around with accents and silly jokes, enjoying the fresh air and the leftovers of our weed high. All of sudden we heard this strange, ethereal music coming from down the street, and went silent as we strained to hear the sound. From the street corner emerged a man in a forest green suit, with a long white beard, carrying some sort of harp, and playing it beautifully as he walked by. The guy didn't acknowledge us in any way, and we were far too shocked to think of anything to say as he passed. We watched him walk away, still playing this almost angelic music, and the music faded as he got out of hearing distance. My friend and I stood there in stunned silence, until one of us asked, unbelievingly "did you see that too?" I never saw this guy on campus again after that day, but my friend and I still joke about the time we saw an actual wizard on campus. If I hadn't had a friend with me, I'm not sure I would believe that it was real, I'd chalk it up to some vivid dream or hallucination or something. But again, what a magical thing to have happen.
- gk1 4y ago
  Lesson: People should hang out on stoops more often.
  - wintogreen74 4y ago
    agreed, but the problem is only those in Brooklyn have stoops, the rest of us get by with porches and decks ;)
  - AnimalMuppet 4y ago
    I think we had more of an actual civic life when they did. But two things changed: Television and air conditioning. Television meant that there was something to do inside. Air conditioning made it possible to go inside, at least in the summer. Now nobody hangs out on stoops.
  - ajmurmann 4y ago
    I just listened to a section in the audiobook We Should Hang Out in which the author describes how people in a Blue Zone in Costa Rica hang out in groups outside every evening and have bbq together. Families with neighbors we etc.. It seems so healthy and I want something like that. In the Portland, OR area houses are required to have porches to foster community, but still most of them are to small to be attractive to hang out on. My house has one, but it's smaller than my other outdoor spaces. I was thinking after I listened to it, how to create a front for a potential future home that fosters community like this. We all seem to long for something liked describes here or in the part in Costa Rica, but nobody does it. How much is architecture/city design vs smaller families vs everyone being busy vs other, isolating entertainment?
    - nfriedly 4y ago
      Is "We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends by Billy Baker" the book you're referring to?
    - disillusioned 4y ago
      I'm fortunate enough to live in a 100-year-old home in Phoenix, which is a rarity. It happens to be a large neo-classical style (think: colonial) that has a porch that spans the entire front facade. Some times, we'll sit out there, and the number of neighbors we've met on walks and such has been really delightful. You don't have community if you don't have any place to commune, it turns out.
nus07 4y ago
This is another thing which cell phones have killed. Today odds are you would be trying to call or text to get in or just browsing on your phone with no time to listen to some old man’s stories .
- jll29 4y ago
  Perhaps, once a year, there ought to be an "Official offline day", where all cellular networks are down, so humans can have such moments of serendipity again.
  - hutzlibu 4y ago
    I would vote for more cellphone free areas. But I would be totally in for the offline day everywhere (minus real emergencies).
Waterluvian 4y ago
I might be building a mental image that was not your experience, but I'm getting a real "My Diner with Andre" feel to your story. Just... nothing going on. One location. A lot of anecdotes and stories that add up to both nothing and everything, and then it's over and life unpauses. I'm not sure exactly how I feel, other than I'm tremendously moved and I think hopeful to have many experiences where I get to be both sides of that conversation. Thanks for sharing.
me_smith 4y ago
Thank you for sharing your story. When I was in college, I joined a community service fraternity. One of the most memorable and heartwarming event was our visit to a retirement home. We were there to help the staff, but the best part was sitting with the residents and listening to their stories. Stories of war, stories of love, stories of friendship. Stories waiting for an attentive and friendly ear. Sometimes, all you need to do is just listen. I look back at that day with fond memories.
PaulDavisThe1st 4y ago
This sounds almost like the basis for the Strangler's (80s) song "Midnight Summer Dream". https://genius.com/The-stranglers-midnight-summer-dream-lyrics https://genius.com/The-stranglers-midnight-summer-dream-lyri... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HI7CB2UwSj4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HI7CB2UwSj4
gk1 4y ago
Glad folks liked the story I tapped out with my thumbs while waiting for my coffee order. I added it to my journal in case someone wants to share it 24 years from now: https://www.gregkogan.com/journal/stoop/ https://www.gregkogan.com/journal/stoop/
didgetmaster 4y ago
Life can be full of 'magical moments' if we just look for them. Often we don't even have to seek them out, just don't ignore them when they come calling...
don-code 4y ago
Back in high school, I fulfilled my community service requirement at a local nursing home. Several of the residents there had no local friends or family, and as a result, no visitors. I was tasked just with giving them someone to talk to. What surprised me is that most of the residents did not want to talk to someone - they wanted to be left alone. Many assumed they'd be going home, and didn't want to build any friendships. The one exception who stood out was a man in what I believe was his late 70s, functionally deaf but still able to speak. I'd communicate with him by writing on a whiteboard, and letting him speak in response. This man over the course of several weeks gave me his life's story - if I recall, he'd worked most of his life as a Boston firefighter. He had quite a bit to say, and I could tell that given the nature of interacting with him, no one else had really spent time talking with him since he'd become deaf. I don't know how long he had been deaf for, but I imagine this wasn't terribly different from being "locked in". My second to last week at the nursing home, he told me that he'd said everything there was to say - he didn't have any more stories, but was happy to have seen me come back. My last week there, I went to go see him anyway, only to find the bed clean and his things moved out. It turned out that he had passed away earlier in the week. I'm happy that I was able to give him those few hours.
- hammyhavoc 4y ago
  You're a top bloke.
ransom1538 4y ago
For some strange reason this story really made me upset. Why is it so extraordinary - to talk to an elderly person? I talk to elderly people all the time and they are normal humans with tons of stories. Why is this so strange to the OP they remembered it 20 years later? Do we ignore the elderly this much?

by gk1 4y ago

agentwiggles 4y ago

I had two fairly magical musical experiences with old guys during my college days. One happened during my junior year. I lived in a house with two other guys, who were out of town for the night, so I was home alone. I was short on cash so decided to just stay home, and I was playing guitar out on the stoop of my house drinking from a bottle of cheap wine that was left over in the fridge. I was pretty delighted when two drunk guys threw a fiver on my porch as they passed by - I was definitely not playing to any level that deserved money, but it felt pretty awesome. An older hippie looking guy came stumbling down the walk. He stopped and asked me if he could play something on my guitar. I was immediately nervous that the guy might run off with the guitar, but I hesitantly handed it over to him, and he strummed out a song which I had never heard before (Bob Dylan's She Belongs to Me). He was no rock star - his chord changes were sloppy, his voice was raspy and maybe a little off key. But he shared a wonderful song that I love to this day, then thanked me for letting him play and continued on his way. What a cool little moment, to meet this random stranger and be able to share that music. The other moment was even more strange and magical, and happened about a year before. A buddy and I had been holed up in the house watching TV and smoking pot for a while, and we stepped out onto the stoop to have a cigarette. It was a beautiful spring afternoon, and we were just chatting, goofing around with accents and silly jokes, enjoying the fresh air and the leftovers of our weed high. All of sudden we heard this strange, ethereal music coming from down the street, and went silent as we strained to hear the sound. From the street corner emerged a man in a forest green suit, with a long white beard, carrying some sort of harp, and playing it beautifully as he walked by. The guy didn't acknowledge us in any way, and we were far too shocked to think of anything to say as he passed. We watched him walk away, still playing this almost angelic music, and the music faded as he got out of hearing distance. My friend and I stood there in stunned silence, until one of us asked, unbelievingly "did you see that too?" I never saw this guy on campus again after that day, but my friend and I still joke about the time we saw an actual wizard on campus. If I hadn't had a friend with me, I'm not sure I would believe that it was real, I'd chalk it up to some vivid dream or hallucination or something. But again, what a magical thing to have happen.

gk1 4y ago
Lesson: People should hang out on stoops more often.
- wintogreen74 4y ago
  agreed, but the problem is only those in Brooklyn have stoops, the rest of us get by with porches and decks ;)
- AnimalMuppet 4y ago
  I think we had more of an actual civic life when they did. But two things changed: Television and air conditioning. Television meant that there was something to do inside. Air conditioning made it possible to go inside, at least in the summer. Now nobody hangs out on stoops.
- ajmurmann 4y ago
  I just listened to a section in the audiobook We Should Hang Out in which the author describes how people in a Blue Zone in Costa Rica hang out in groups outside every evening and have bbq together. Families with neighbors we etc.. It seems so healthy and I want something like that. In the Portland, OR area houses are required to have porches to foster community, but still most of them are to small to be attractive to hang out on. My house has one, but it's smaller than my other outdoor spaces. I was thinking after I listened to it, how to create a front for a potential future home that fosters community like this. We all seem to long for something liked describes here or in the part in Costa Rica, but nobody does it. How much is architecture/city design vs smaller families vs everyone being busy vs other, isolating entertainment?
  - nfriedly 4y ago
    Is "We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends by Billy Baker" the book you're referring to?
  - disillusioned 4y ago
    I'm fortunate enough to live in a 100-year-old home in Phoenix, which is a rarity. It happens to be a large neo-classical style (think: colonial) that has a porch that spans the entire front facade. Some times, we'll sit out there, and the number of neighbors we've met on walks and such has been really delightful. You don't have community if you don't have any place to commune, it turns out.

nus07 4y ago

This is another thing which cell phones have killed. Today odds are you would be trying to call or text to get in or just browsing on your phone with no time to listen to some old man’s stories .

jll29 4y ago
Perhaps, once a year, there ought to be an "Official offline day", where all cellular networks are down, so humans can have such moments of serendipity again.
- hutzlibu 4y ago
  I would vote for more cellphone free areas. But I would be totally in for the offline day everywhere (minus real emergencies).

Waterluvian 4y ago

I might be building a mental image that was not your experience, but I'm getting a real "My Diner with Andre" feel to your story. Just... nothing going on. One location. A lot of anecdotes and stories that add up to both nothing and everything, and then it's over and life unpauses. I'm not sure exactly how I feel, other than I'm tremendously moved and I think hopeful to have many experiences where I get to be both sides of that conversation. Thanks for sharing.

me_smith 4y ago

Thank you for sharing your story. When I was in college, I joined a community service fraternity. One of the most memorable and heartwarming event was our visit to a retirement home. We were there to help the staff, but the best part was sitting with the residents and listening to their stories. Stories of war, stories of love, stories of friendship. Stories waiting for an attentive and friendly ear. Sometimes, all you need to do is just listen. I look back at that day with fond memories.

PaulDavisThe1st 4y ago

This sounds almost like the basis for the Strangler's (80s) song "Midnight Summer Dream". https://genius.com/The-stranglers-midnight-summer-dream-lyrics https://genius.com/The-stranglers-midnight-summer-dream-lyri... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HI7CB2UwSj4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HI7CB2UwSj4

gk1 4y ago

Glad folks liked the story I tapped out with my thumbs while waiting for my coffee order. I added it to my journal in case someone wants to share it 24 years from now: https://www.gregkogan.com/journal/stoop/ https://www.gregkogan.com/journal/stoop/

didgetmaster 4y ago

Life can be full of 'magical moments' if we just look for them. Often we don't even have to seek them out, just don't ignore them when they come calling...

don-code 4y ago

Back in high school, I fulfilled my community service requirement at a local nursing home. Several of the residents there had no local friends or family, and as a result, no visitors. I was tasked just with giving them someone to talk to. What surprised me is that most of the residents did not want to talk to someone - they wanted to be left alone. Many assumed they'd be going home, and didn't want to build any friendships. The one exception who stood out was a man in what I believe was his late 70s, functionally deaf but still able to speak. I'd communicate with him by writing on a whiteboard, and letting him speak in response. This man over the course of several weeks gave me his life's story - if I recall, he'd worked most of his life as a Boston firefighter. He had quite a bit to say, and I could tell that given the nature of interacting with him, no one else had really spent time talking with him since he'd become deaf. I don't know how long he had been deaf for, but I imagine this wasn't terribly different from being "locked in". My second to last week at the nursing home, he told me that he'd said everything there was to say - he didn't have any more stories, but was happy to have seen me come back. My last week there, I went to go see him anyway, only to find the bed clean and his things moved out. It turned out that he had passed away earlier in the week. I'm happy that I was able to give him those few hours.

hammyhavoc 4y ago
You're a top bloke.

ransom1538 4y ago

For some strange reason this story really made me upset. Why is it so extraordinary - to talk to an elderly person? I talk to elderly people all the time and they are normal humans with tons of stories. Why is this so strange to the OP they remembered it 20 years later? Do we ignore the elderly this much?