5 ms·

You convinced her, she did not convince herself?

narrator 4y ago
Yeah. I worked on her quite a bit. She actually did not know she couldn't have kids after her early 40s with her own eggs. She didn't believe me and had to actually check with her obgyn. My main argument to her was "What are you going to be doing with your life when you're 70? The same stuff you're doing now?"
- snvzz 4y ago
  >She actually did not know she couldn't have kids after her early 40s with her own eggs. This is unsettling. How does a woman not know this? Where in the world is this?
  - nhchris 4y ago
    > How does a woman not know this? How often is this issue even hinted at in popular culture?
    - defrost 4y ago
      Pretty damn often in, say, UK, Canadian, Australian popular culture. It's not something that gets banged on about on a daily basis, but it gets a few mentions on Kath and Kim and comes up across the board (in pop culture drama shows) about as often as, say, young boys masterbating into their socks, etc. In high school health and reproduction type classes it rates a few mentions. Where do you live that most people are unaware of universal reproductive truths?
  - julianlam 4y ago
    Many women do not know this. It's not common knowledge. I'd wager most men also do not. I'd also wager most men also believe they can easily have children until the moment they die, but this is also not true. Infertility is a socially stigmatized affliction, and so its presence in our society is understated. It's not helped by celebrities having children well past their expected child-bearing ages, and pretending it was a non-IVF pregnancy.
    - defrost 4y ago
      > Many women do not know this. It's not common knowledge. I'd wager most men also do not. I'm sorry but what kind of bubble of misinformation do you live in FFS? Women are aware of what a period is and the connection to eggs when they start, they are aware of what menopause is, they are aware that eggs become less fertile with age. This is common knowledge across the major Commonwealth countries (UK, Canada, Australia). I'm not sure what your authority is to speak so authoritively and yet incorrectly for women at large particularly as it appears you had an actual university education in Canada but, seriously, check your circle .. and if if it's reinforcing your notions then consider having a wider and better informed circle and look to why it lives in a bubble.
      - fullmoon 4y ago
        It’s very different to know that eggs become less fertile with age and being aware how rapidly this happens even during a woman’s 30s. I’m not sure why you’d love to see bubbles and “misinformation” here.
      - lelanthran 4y ago
        > Women are aware of what a period is and the connection to eggs when they start, they are aware of what menopause is, they are aware that eggs become less fertile with age. Maybe, but they aren't that aware of the timelines involved like I said in a sibling comment: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34386625#34387391 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34386625#34387391 > I'm not sure what your authority is to speak so authoritively and yet incorrectly for women at large particularly as it appears you had an actual university education in Canada but, seriously, check your circle .. and if if it's reinforcing your notions then consider having a wider and better informed circle and look to why it lives in a bubble. It's not really a bubble, it's popular culture constantly reinforcing the notion that a woman only needs to think about families in their mid-30s. All the most popular (and watched) shows over the last 30 years that are aimed at 20s-30s almost always show people searching for and finding their life partner in their mid-30s. In reality, if a woman hasn't made up her mind by age 30-32, then her time is very short.
  - lelanthran 4y ago
    They don't realise this because they are almost constantly bombarded with messages from popular entertainment and media that women are having kids after 40. In reality, each year after age 35 chances of conception halve. A woman who wants a family needs to be settled down with their partner by then, which means that she needs to have committed to their partner by at least, say, age 32, giving three years to assess the relationship. Since most women want the best wedding both parties can get a loan for, and such weddings are often two years out, and most couples will wait until financially okay before trying for kids, realistically that woman needs to have made her decision on who to have kids with while still in her late 20s. Popular entertainment and media do not portray this, they instead show women bar hopping into their late 30s. Hence, most women (my wife included) who bought into the representations of things like sex and the city, friends, etc did not really consider the amount of forward planning needed. At that point, there's a rush to acquire a partner to mate with, with most men in that age group already deciding that they aren't interested. The dynamics of dating for males at age 40 are very interesting. Merely having a job and sterility means they get approaches much more than they approach women.
- moistly 4y ago
  > Yeah. I worked on her quite a bit. That’s a hell of a thing. It sounds coercive, if not non-consensual. You convinced her, she did not convince herself; you worked on her quite a bit.
  - lelanthran 4y ago
    Not any more coercive than popular culture.
  - throwaway675309 4y ago
    You might try dialing down the mock virtue signaling outrage by about a 1000%. Implying that it was somehow non-consensual is effectively to deny that she had any agency in the making of the decision, so if we really wanna play this game it almost sounds like you're diminishing her capacity as a freethinking individual.
  - jacooper 4y ago
    What the hell? He didn't force Her, he just convinced her. it was her choice to have a kid, how is that non-consensual? I convinced my friend to buy a Galaxy instead of an iPhone, is that now considered coercive and manipulative, even though he thinks its the right choice?
  - fullmoon 4y ago
    Why would you choose to read it in this way? How is sharing some (correct) information about biological realities non-consensual?

Yeah. I worked on her quite a bit. She actually did not know she couldn't have kids after her early 40s with her own eggs. She didn't believe me and had to actually check with her obgyn. My main argument to her was "What are you going to be doing with your life when you're 70? The same stuff you're doing now?"

snvzz 4y ago
>She actually did not know she couldn't have kids after her early 40s with her own eggs. This is unsettling. How does a woman not know this? Where in the world is this?
- nhchris 4y ago
  > How does a woman not know this? How often is this issue even hinted at in popular culture?
  - defrost 4y ago
    Pretty damn often in, say, UK, Canadian, Australian popular culture. It's not something that gets banged on about on a daily basis, but it gets a few mentions on Kath and Kim and comes up across the board (in pop culture drama shows) about as often as, say, young boys masterbating into their socks, etc. In high school health and reproduction type classes it rates a few mentions. Where do you live that most people are unaware of universal reproductive truths?
- julianlam 4y ago
  Many women do not know this. It's not common knowledge. I'd wager most men also do not. I'd also wager most men also believe they can easily have children until the moment they die, but this is also not true. Infertility is a socially stigmatized affliction, and so its presence in our society is understated. It's not helped by celebrities having children well past their expected child-bearing ages, and pretending it was a non-IVF pregnancy.
  - defrost 4y ago
    > Many women do not know this. It's not common knowledge. I'd wager most men also do not. I'm sorry but what kind of bubble of misinformation do you live in FFS? Women are aware of what a period is and the connection to eggs when they start, they are aware of what menopause is, they are aware that eggs become less fertile with age. This is common knowledge across the major Commonwealth countries (UK, Canada, Australia). I'm not sure what your authority is to speak so authoritively and yet incorrectly for women at large particularly as it appears you had an actual university education in Canada but, seriously, check your circle .. and if if it's reinforcing your notions then consider having a wider and better informed circle and look to why it lives in a bubble.
    - fullmoon 4y ago
      It’s very different to know that eggs become less fertile with age and being aware how rapidly this happens even during a woman’s 30s. I’m not sure why you’d love to see bubbles and “misinformation” here.
    - lelanthran 4y ago
      > Women are aware of what a period is and the connection to eggs when they start, they are aware of what menopause is, they are aware that eggs become less fertile with age. Maybe, but they aren't that aware of the timelines involved like I said in a sibling comment: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34386625#34387391 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34386625#34387391 > I'm not sure what your authority is to speak so authoritively and yet incorrectly for women at large particularly as it appears you had an actual university education in Canada but, seriously, check your circle .. and if if it's reinforcing your notions then consider having a wider and better informed circle and look to why it lives in a bubble. It's not really a bubble, it's popular culture constantly reinforcing the notion that a woman only needs to think about families in their mid-30s. All the most popular (and watched) shows over the last 30 years that are aimed at 20s-30s almost always show people searching for and finding their life partner in their mid-30s. In reality, if a woman hasn't made up her mind by age 30-32, then her time is very short.
- lelanthran 4y ago
  They don't realise this because they are almost constantly bombarded with messages from popular entertainment and media that women are having kids after 40. In reality, each year after age 35 chances of conception halve. A woman who wants a family needs to be settled down with their partner by then, which means that she needs to have committed to their partner by at least, say, age 32, giving three years to assess the relationship. Since most women want the best wedding both parties can get a loan for, and such weddings are often two years out, and most couples will wait until financially okay before trying for kids, realistically that woman needs to have made her decision on who to have kids with while still in her late 20s. Popular entertainment and media do not portray this, they instead show women bar hopping into their late 30s. Hence, most women (my wife included) who bought into the representations of things like sex and the city, friends, etc did not really consider the amount of forward planning needed. At that point, there's a rush to acquire a partner to mate with, with most men in that age group already deciding that they aren't interested. The dynamics of dating for males at age 40 are very interesting. Merely having a job and sterility means they get approaches much more than they approach women.
moistly 4y ago
> Yeah. I worked on her quite a bit. That’s a hell of a thing. It sounds coercive, if not non-consensual. You convinced her, she did not convince herself; you worked on her quite a bit.
- lelanthran 4y ago
  Not any more coercive than popular culture.
- throwaway675309 4y ago
  You might try dialing down the mock virtue signaling outrage by about a 1000%. Implying that it was somehow non-consensual is effectively to deny that she had any agency in the making of the decision, so if we really wanna play this game it almost sounds like you're diminishing her capacity as a freethinking individual.
- jacooper 4y ago
  What the hell? He didn't force Her, he just convinced her. it was her choice to have a kid, how is that non-consensual? I convinced my friend to buy a Galaxy instead of an iPhone, is that now considered coercive and manipulative, even though he thinks its the right choice?
- fullmoon 4y ago
  Why would you choose to read it in this way? How is sharing some (correct) information about biological realities non-consensual?