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How to Make Friends and Influence People had an impact on my memory ability. It has a section on how important it is to remember people's names, and it basicall

How to Make Friends and Influence People had an impact on my memory ability. It has a section on how important it is to remember people's names, and it basically says people who are bad at it likely just aren't trying very hard. For me, that turned out to be correct. I used to jokingly refer to myself as 'name-blind'. Now I intentionally focus on people's names when they introduce themselves to me and I can usually remember just fine.

ramraj07 4y ago
This made me chuckle. I don’t think anyone who’s “generally social” is actively trying to find mnemonics to remember names of faces, which is what I need to do to remember anyone if I met them just once. Peoples brains work differently from each other, and it would be good to acknowledge that. Also would help if we don’t take life advice from books like “how to win friends” which seems to be the Jordan Peterson work of the earlier decades tbh.
- idontwantthis 4y ago
  > Peoples brains work differently from each other, and it would be good to acknowledge that. And yet here you are, invalidating my experience.
  - maeil 4y ago
    They're not though. Your comment says > people who are bad at it likely just aren't trying very hard. which rather ignores the differences in how people's brains work. The person you're replying to says they're definitely not remembering names well because of any kind of effort they put in moreso than you might.
    - idontwantthis 4y ago
      I’m paraphrasing the book, which resonated with me not maligning anyone else.
      - carlmr 4y ago
        You are sort of implying that people just aren't trying hard enough. That is your experience, sample size = 1. If you strike that sentence from your comment nobody would be rubbed the wrong way by it. There may be many reasons why someone can't remember somebody's name. And not trying might be one of them, but invalidates all other experiences people have. My friends say I always run into people in public. The thing is that I instinctively remember faces of people I met, not at a first glance, but if I met them maybe 3 times or more. I will recognize them on the street, from afar, 10 years later. Because of my ability to recall people's faces, even with aging changes, I have a much higher chance of running into people I know in public, than somebody who can't do that. However I can't remember names for the life of me. For one I have an attention problem. Even if I try to listen to people's names when they introduce themselves, in many cases I won't hear the name. The other is that I'm very forgetful with names even after learning them. I have worked with people for years, but a few years after leaving that job I won't remember their names. I will recognize their faces though. I wouldn't say people don't try hard enough to remember people's faces.
        jodrellblank 4y ago
        > “I instinctively remember faces of people I met, not at a first glance, but if I met them maybe 3 times or more. I will recognize them on the street, from afar, 10 years later.” Maybe you are: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Super_recogniser https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Super_recogniser
        carlmr 4y ago
        I'll try that test maybe. Interesting!
        idontwantthis 4y ago
        I don’t know. Do what you want.
vjk800 4y ago
I've somehow weirdly gone from being good with names to being bad with them, and I think this is probably right. I grew up in a small community where everyone knew each other and, of course, knew everyone's names. When I moved out, I sort of assumed that I'm expected to know the name of everyone I've met (like I did before) and so I did. Over time I came to the realization that world is full of people I casually meet once or twice and then never see again. This completely changed my world view from "everyone you meet is super important" to "these people don't really matter that much". I think I went a little too far with this, because now I don't seem to remember even the names of people at my work who I meet occasionally, but not all the time. I sort of think along the lines "either they or me will move to some other job eventually and we will never see each other again so there's no point in trying to memorize their names".
garborg 4y ago
I don't know what qualifies as not trying hard enough, but when I meet someone, I expect I'll be able to play back salient chunks of content (precise wording, intonation, clear visuals zoomed in or out) but I'm worried the couple times repeating the name in my head trying to focus on it will, predictably, not stick. I generally am bad at recalling labels compared to 'content.' Knowing I need a better system for remembering names, I suppose I should try harder to uncover one.
papandada 4y ago
I had a similar experience. My first wife had an amazing ability to remember all kinds of details about everything. It sounds weird, but I just remember trying to do the same thing, and then I did. And now people often comment about it, but I wasn't always like this.

ramraj07 4y ago

This made me chuckle. I don’t think anyone who’s “generally social” is actively trying to find mnemonics to remember names of faces, which is what I need to do to remember anyone if I met them just once. Peoples brains work differently from each other, and it would be good to acknowledge that. Also would help if we don’t take life advice from books like “how to win friends” which seems to be the Jordan Peterson work of the earlier decades tbh.

idontwantthis 4y ago
> Peoples brains work differently from each other, and it would be good to acknowledge that. And yet here you are, invalidating my experience.
- maeil 4y ago
  They're not though. Your comment says > people who are bad at it likely just aren't trying very hard. which rather ignores the differences in how people's brains work. The person you're replying to says they're definitely not remembering names well because of any kind of effort they put in moreso than you might.
  - idontwantthis 4y ago
    I’m paraphrasing the book, which resonated with me not maligning anyone else.
    - carlmr 4y ago
      You are sort of implying that people just aren't trying hard enough. That is your experience, sample size = 1. If you strike that sentence from your comment nobody would be rubbed the wrong way by it. There may be many reasons why someone can't remember somebody's name. And not trying might be one of them, but invalidates all other experiences people have. My friends say I always run into people in public. The thing is that I instinctively remember faces of people I met, not at a first glance, but if I met them maybe 3 times or more. I will recognize them on the street, from afar, 10 years later. Because of my ability to recall people's faces, even with aging changes, I have a much higher chance of running into people I know in public, than somebody who can't do that. However I can't remember names for the life of me. For one I have an attention problem. Even if I try to listen to people's names when they introduce themselves, in many cases I won't hear the name. The other is that I'm very forgetful with names even after learning them. I have worked with people for years, but a few years after leaving that job I won't remember their names. I will recognize their faces though. I wouldn't say people don't try hard enough to remember people's faces.
      - jodrellblank 4y ago
        > “I instinctively remember faces of people I met, not at a first glance, but if I met them maybe 3 times or more. I will recognize them on the street, from afar, 10 years later.” Maybe you are: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Super_recogniser https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Super_recogniser
        carlmr 4y ago
        I'll try that test maybe. Interesting!
      - idontwantthis 4y ago
        I don’t know. Do what you want.

vjk800 4y ago

I've somehow weirdly gone from being good with names to being bad with them, and I think this is probably right. I grew up in a small community where everyone knew each other and, of course, knew everyone's names. When I moved out, I sort of assumed that I'm expected to know the name of everyone I've met (like I did before) and so I did. Over time I came to the realization that world is full of people I casually meet once or twice and then never see again. This completely changed my world view from "everyone you meet is super important" to "these people don't really matter that much". I think I went a little too far with this, because now I don't seem to remember even the names of people at my work who I meet occasionally, but not all the time. I sort of think along the lines "either they or me will move to some other job eventually and we will never see each other again so there's no point in trying to memorize their names".

garborg 4y ago

I don't know what qualifies as not trying hard enough, but when I meet someone, I expect I'll be able to play back salient chunks of content (precise wording, intonation, clear visuals zoomed in or out) but I'm worried the couple times repeating the name in my head trying to focus on it will, predictably, not stick. I generally am bad at recalling labels compared to 'content.' Knowing I need a better system for remembering names, I suppose I should try harder to uncover one.

papandada 4y ago

I had a similar experience. My first wife had an amazing ability to remember all kinds of details about everything. It sounds weird, but I just remember trying to do the same thing, and then I did. And now people often comment about it, but I wasn't always like this.