5 ms·

There's a lot here to unpack, but I don't believe this is a red flag. CS is not a "gimme" major. If he's continuing to pursue it and the college isn't weeding h

by madrox 4y ago

There's a lot here to unpack, but I don't believe this is a red flag. CS is not a "gimme" major. If he's continuing to pursue it and the college isn't weeding him out, then he's clearly doing alright and has enough enthusiasm for the major. Let him continue. On a more personal note, I don't believe this is any of your business. Your son is a grown adult. Perhaps he's getting a degree on your dime, but he needs to make his own choices in his education, and you aren't living his experience. You're very focused on "tinkering" as a tell for whether he's in the right degree, but only he can know if he's happy in his major. My wife had a father who was very involved in her choice of majors, and it left her with anxiety and a sense that her college years were wasted. She was left feeling like getting his approval was more important than reasoning through her own decisions. The best thing you can probably do for him long term is let him make decisions, even if you think they're wrong.

deltree7 4y ago
Both Indian and Chinese kids continue to excel in every industry, despite heavy involvement from parents. (and happy) OTOH, I've seen many White students raised by liberal parents with too much student debt (and depressed). So, unless there is data to prove that "letting 18 years old to make their own life changing decisions" on their own, we need to stop this overly progressive method.
- strangattractor 4y ago
  And sometimes heavy involvement with a Therapist later as an adult.
  - david38 4y ago
    It’s a lot better to be wealthy and pay a few grand a year for therapy than to be always broke and unemployed.
    - superdeeda 4y ago
      This does not check out. Some of the happiest people I know are also some of the poorest people I know. And some of the unhappiest people I know are also some of the wealthiest people I know.
    - para_parolu 4y ago
      This is false dichotomy.
    - tluyben2 4y ago
      Depends what the therapy is for I think. There are mental struggles worse than broke and unemployed for some, even with a lot of money. Parents should encourage, not force imho.
- xupybd 4y ago
  It's a mixed bag. My Asian wife had heavy involvement from her parents. For her I think it worked well. For her brother not so much. I think it's a matter of degree. Many in the west could have more involvement in their children's education and see better outcomes. Many outside the west could give their children a little more freedom and see better outcomes. Neither is perfect.
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
- peruvian 4y ago
  > (and happy) Lol, ask most South Asian Americans or Asian Americans how they feel about their parents.
- _448 4y ago
  Here is a song from a popular Hindi movie that tackles this subject (this movie was a hit even in China): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbCRtrrMvSw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbCRtrrMvSw There is tremendous pressure on students from both parents and society. This is because of the competition. The population is so huge, the infrastructure bad and opportunities far less. So it becomes a rat's race.
enlyth 4y ago
Thank you so much for saying this. My parents were very involved in my choice of education, I was indirectly pressured to go to medical school, which ended up with me dropping out because I was never the type of person to sit down for days on end and memorize fat stacks of Latin anatomy books. I eventually became a software developer, and it took years of catching up and self education alongside working shitty jobs.
- bloppe 4y ago
  Maybe OP is just thinking of bringing it up for their child to reflect, not apply pressure. It's unclear.
poulpy123 4y ago
I disagree with you on the general but agree on the specific here. I think parents need to be reasonably involved with their children even when they are students, but here the child seems to do well so there is no reason to worry
- cweagans 4y ago
  > I think parents need to be reasonably involved with their children even when they are students, but here the child seems to do well so there is no reason to worry OP is talking about a full grown adult. Not a child.
  - jhanschoo 4y ago
    Indeed, the adult child of the parent. The word child in English can refer to a very young person, but also commonly refers to the progeny of a person, as in the comment you were responding to, where child was used in reference to the parent that was also referred to in the comment.
  - poulpy123 4y ago
    English is not my native language, what word should I have used ?
    - wilg 4y ago
      It's not an incorrect word, but it can be possibly misconstrued as being infantilizing, because "child" somewhat implies a young person. But I can't think of a better word! Perhaps it could have been more a bit more tactful to reword to avoid saying "child", like saying "your son is doing well" in this case.
      - Symbiote 4y ago
        Son or daughter avoids the possibility of infantalizing an adult child.
kazinator 4y ago
I would say the CS that I remember wasn't a gimme major; not sure about nowadays.
mock-possum 4y ago
Agreed, this reminds me a lot of the "if you're a REAL programmer you'll have software-related side projects" line of thought - it's like, no, I do my REAL programming professionally, I spend my free time doing whatever I want. Just because I enjoy programming doesn't mean I spend every waking second writing code.

by madrox 4y ago

deltree7 4y ago

Both Indian and Chinese kids continue to excel in every industry, despite heavy involvement from parents. (and happy) OTOH, I've seen many White students raised by liberal parents with too much student debt (and depressed). So, unless there is data to prove that "letting 18 years old to make their own life changing decisions" on their own, we need to stop this overly progressive method.

strangattractor 4y ago
And sometimes heavy involvement with a Therapist later as an adult.
- david38 4y ago
  It’s a lot better to be wealthy and pay a few grand a year for therapy than to be always broke and unemployed.
  - superdeeda 4y ago
    This does not check out. Some of the happiest people I know are also some of the poorest people I know. And some of the unhappiest people I know are also some of the wealthiest people I know.
  - para_parolu 4y ago
    This is false dichotomy.
  - tluyben2 4y ago
    Depends what the therapy is for I think. There are mental struggles worse than broke and unemployed for some, even with a lot of money. Parents should encourage, not force imho.
xupybd 4y ago
It's a mixed bag. My Asian wife had heavy involvement from her parents. For her I think it worked well. For her brother not so much. I think it's a matter of degree. Many in the west could have more involvement in their children's education and see better outcomes. Many outside the west could give their children a little more freedom and see better outcomes. Neither is perfect.
deleted 4y ago
[deleted]
peruvian 4y ago
> (and happy) Lol, ask most South Asian Americans or Asian Americans how they feel about their parents.
_448 4y ago
Here is a song from a popular Hindi movie that tackles this subject (this movie was a hit even in China): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbCRtrrMvSw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbCRtrrMvSw There is tremendous pressure on students from both parents and society. This is because of the competition. The population is so huge, the infrastructure bad and opportunities far less. So it becomes a rat's race.

enlyth 4y ago

Thank you so much for saying this. My parents were very involved in my choice of education, I was indirectly pressured to go to medical school, which ended up with me dropping out because I was never the type of person to sit down for days on end and memorize fat stacks of Latin anatomy books. I eventually became a software developer, and it took years of catching up and self education alongside working shitty jobs.

bloppe 4y ago
Maybe OP is just thinking of bringing it up for their child to reflect, not apply pressure. It's unclear.

poulpy123 4y ago

I disagree with you on the general but agree on the specific here. I think parents need to be reasonably involved with their children even when they are students, but here the child seems to do well so there is no reason to worry

cweagans 4y ago
> I think parents need to be reasonably involved with their children even when they are students, but here the child seems to do well so there is no reason to worry OP is talking about a full grown adult. Not a child.
- jhanschoo 4y ago
  Indeed, the adult child of the parent. The word child in English can refer to a very young person, but also commonly refers to the progeny of a person, as in the comment you were responding to, where child was used in reference to the parent that was also referred to in the comment.
- poulpy123 4y ago
  English is not my native language, what word should I have used ?
  - wilg 4y ago
    It's not an incorrect word, but it can be possibly misconstrued as being infantilizing, because "child" somewhat implies a young person. But I can't think of a better word! Perhaps it could have been more a bit more tactful to reword to avoid saying "child", like saying "your son is doing well" in this case.
    - Symbiote 4y ago
      Son or daughter avoids the possibility of infantalizing an adult child.

kazinator 4y ago

I would say the CS that I remember wasn't a gimme major; not sure about nowadays.

mock-possum 4y ago

Agreed, this reminds me a lot of the "if you're a REAL programmer you'll have software-related side projects" line of thought - it's like, no, I do my REAL programming professionally, I spend my free time doing whatever I want. Just because I enjoy programming doesn't mean I spend every waking second writing code.