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I wouldn’t feel bad about doing it to Meta, but Meta isn’t every company and every company isn’t Meta. You shouldn’t “punish” every company for the misbehavior

I wouldn’t feel bad about doing it to Meta, but Meta isn’t every company and every company isn’t Meta. You shouldn’t “punish” every company for the misbehavior of one giant one. Though I would still say it’s probably usually fine to back out of an offer. Just take the normal care you otherwise would and be kind about it. Don’t just ghost them or be a dick.

operatingthetan 4y ago
Nobody wrote "punish" or implied it. Not sure why you felt the need to misquote them.
- saurik 4y ago
  The quotes in that instance are--at least to me--indicating that it is NOT an exact quote, but is instead a metaphorical usage of a term. https://www.macmillandictionaryblog.com/the-emphatic-use-of-quotation-marks https://www.macmillandictionaryblog.com/the-emphatic-use-of-... > Quotation marks can also highlight that a word is being used somehow peculiarly – a writer may wish to indicate irony, inaccuracy, or scepticism, for example; used this way, they’re called scare quotes. A lot of people use them merely to offset metaphors... though this usage is often discouraged (much to my chagrin, as I do it often ;P) because your audience can usually be expected to figure it out themselves and it is almost infantilizing to offset them constantly (though, in my experience a lot of people don't know idioms or usage and so it can be helpful). In this case, I believe the idea is that if you tell a bunch of people that public companies like Meta don't give a shit about you, and that you should never feel bad about going back on something you agreed to, it effectively "punishes" other more reasonable--maybe even privately-held--companies... but it isn't actually a punishment (of course) so you use quotation marks to add distance. (That said, I don't personally think you should ever have to feel bad about suddenly disappearing or deciding you don't want to do the thing you thought you could do: working should be consensual, and it is almost never the case that someone is absolutely screwed if you don't take the job; and in the cases where they would be you probably know and it is almost certainly an extremely short-term problem that you can negotiate how to handle. I am just responding not to the idea but to defend the usage of quotation marks.)
- baron816 4y ago
  Yeah I meant in much in the way saurik says. There isn’t really a word for what I meant, but punish is pretty close. “Actor A does something wrong, so it’s ok to punish actor B” is how I characterize the parent poster’s statement.
pclmulqdq 4y ago
If you are backing out of an offer, that is a pretty unfriendly thing to do. Not immoral, just unfriendly. Doing it to Google or Meta is fine because they very clearly aren't your friend. Do it to a startup and they will likely hold a grudge. Do it to your friend's business, and they will understand, but might be a little upset for a little while. It's all about circumstances.

operatingthetan 4y ago

Nobody wrote "punish" or implied it. Not sure why you felt the need to misquote them.

saurik 4y ago
The quotes in that instance are--at least to me--indicating that it is NOT an exact quote, but is instead a metaphorical usage of a term. https://www.macmillandictionaryblog.com/the-emphatic-use-of-quotation-marks https://www.macmillandictionaryblog.com/the-emphatic-use-of-... > Quotation marks can also highlight that a word is being used somehow peculiarly – a writer may wish to indicate irony, inaccuracy, or scepticism, for example; used this way, they’re called scare quotes. A lot of people use them merely to offset metaphors... though this usage is often discouraged (much to my chagrin, as I do it often ;P) because your audience can usually be expected to figure it out themselves and it is almost infantilizing to offset them constantly (though, in my experience a lot of people don't know idioms or usage and so it can be helpful). In this case, I believe the idea is that if you tell a bunch of people that public companies like Meta don't give a shit about you, and that you should never feel bad about going back on something you agreed to, it effectively "punishes" other more reasonable--maybe even privately-held--companies... but it isn't actually a punishment (of course) so you use quotation marks to add distance. (That said, I don't personally think you should ever have to feel bad about suddenly disappearing or deciding you don't want to do the thing you thought you could do: working should be consensual, and it is almost never the case that someone is absolutely screwed if you don't take the job; and in the cases where they would be you probably know and it is almost certainly an extremely short-term problem that you can negotiate how to handle. I am just responding not to the idea but to defend the usage of quotation marks.)
baron816 4y ago
Yeah I meant in much in the way saurik says. There isn’t really a word for what I meant, but punish is pretty close. “Actor A does something wrong, so it’s ok to punish actor B” is how I characterize the parent poster’s statement.

pclmulqdq 4y ago

If you are backing out of an offer, that is a pretty unfriendly thing to do. Not immoral, just unfriendly. Doing it to Google or Meta is fine because they very clearly aren't your friend. Do it to a startup and they will likely hold a grudge. Do it to your friend's business, and they will understand, but might be a little upset for a little while. It's all about circumstances.