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If $7k destroys a friendship, it's not really that close of a friendship. Sure, there should be some consequences for not paying it back, but incessant mockery

If $7k destroys a friendship, it's not really that close of a friendship. Sure, there should be some consequences for not paying it back, but incessant mockery and refusal to pay for McDonald's is probably a fair exchange. "Give people lots of leeway, but only once" has worked out well so far. People can't fool you into making a big mistake twice, and once is just the cost of doing business^W^Wfriendship. On the other hand, finding friends past age 30 is hard enough that paying random devs random sums of money isn't that bad of a deal.

falcolas 4y ago
$7k is an absurd amount of money for 99.9% of the US (Recall the statistics on who has at least 3 months of income saved up? This is a similar amount of cash to have available). I've seen good friendships lost over a lot less money than that. I agree with the parent - don't give it with the expectation of receiving it back. Save everyone the heartache.
- notyourwork 4y ago
  The financial disconnect in tech versus the rest of society is crazy. Casually handing out $7k is a wild statement for most of the world.
  - whatshisface 4y ago
    But that's irrelevant, it was not a big loan for the OP.
    - falcolas 4y ago
      It was for the recipient. And the recipient is the one who'll be feeling the pinch (stress, anger, etc) of paying it back. $7,000 / 24 = $300 (roughly an extra car payment)
      - whatshisface 4y ago
        I am sure it is very nice of you that you protect your friends from making the stressful and angering mistake of becoming indebted to you, but the OP is expressing an attitude towards money that makes it sound like it is less of a mistake to be indebted to them.
        falcolas 4y ago
        So, the context of this specific thread of discussion is "If $7k destroys a friendship, it's not really that close of a friendship." Which is bogus in my opinion - this is all discussion on why it's bogus. It's not a comment on the original post by alach11.
      - gowld 4y ago
        That's why the recipient should think carefully about how valuable the purchase is.
    - notyourwork 4y ago
      Relationship dynamics change when money gets involved. Especially when its a lot of money for at least one party.
- lotsofpulp 4y ago
  Not 99.9%, maybe 80% based on income statistics.
  - falcolas 4y ago
    I guess that really depends. Paying back $7,000 without interest would still be a $300 monthly payment for 2 years.
- sillysaurusx 4y ago
  Sure. I didn't mean $7k specifically, but rather <amount you chose to loan>. Why loan someone a truckload of cash you can't afford to lose? It's kind of your fault at that point. We helped my sister in law afford a down payment on a house. She still hasn't gotten a house after 6 months. Am I a bit miffed? Sure. But breaking off a friendship over a down payment seems absurd. Life happens, and people tend to take a little while to figure it out. Who cares, it's not like we can take the money with us when we go to the next life anyway.
  - falcolas 4y ago
    Even if you're able to afford to lose it, setting the expectation that the loan needs to be repaid will stress the borrower. That can be enough, in my experience, to break a relationship. Unless they're a sociopath, borrowing significant amounts of money from friends is usually considered to be a last resort, they're already in a bad place. Adding another monthly payment to their budget going to put them in a worse place.
  - deleted 4y ago
    [deleted]
rhacker 4y ago
Yes, I believe you want to loan money to friends less than what the friendship is worth. In other words, $7k might break the friendship for some, for others not really. It also depends on how easily money comes to the lender.
RussianCow 4y ago
> If $7k destroys a friendship, it's not really that close of a friendship. This is easy to say if you're a software engineer at a top tier company making a solid six-figure salary, but $7k is an enormous amount of money for the vast majority of people. I think I would significantly hurt my relationships if I failed to pay back $7k to any of my friends.
- screwturner68 4y ago
  exactly. At times in my life $7000 might as well be $1MM, If you take money from someone pay it back.
mr90210 4y ago
It’s not about the amount, it’s rather about how the borrower handles the payback. If you promised to payback $1 that I lent you, and you don’t despite having it, I’ll equally judge you as if it were $1 million dollars.
readthenotes1 4y ago
Asking for a loan and not paying it back is the equivalent of lying to your friend. Is a big lie to exploit a friendship enough to in the friendship?

falcolas 4y ago

$7k is an absurd amount of money for 99.9% of the US (Recall the statistics on who has at least 3 months of income saved up? This is a similar amount of cash to have available). I've seen good friendships lost over a lot less money than that. I agree with the parent - don't give it with the expectation of receiving it back. Save everyone the heartache.

notyourwork 4y ago
The financial disconnect in tech versus the rest of society is crazy. Casually handing out $7k is a wild statement for most of the world.
- whatshisface 4y ago
  But that's irrelevant, it was not a big loan for the OP.
  - falcolas 4y ago
    It was for the recipient. And the recipient is the one who'll be feeling the pinch (stress, anger, etc) of paying it back. $7,000 / 24 = $300 (roughly an extra car payment)
    - whatshisface 4y ago
      I am sure it is very nice of you that you protect your friends from making the stressful and angering mistake of becoming indebted to you, but the OP is expressing an attitude towards money that makes it sound like it is less of a mistake to be indebted to them.
      - falcolas 4y ago
        So, the context of this specific thread of discussion is "If $7k destroys a friendship, it's not really that close of a friendship." Which is bogus in my opinion - this is all discussion on why it's bogus. It's not a comment on the original post by alach11.
    - gowld 4y ago
      That's why the recipient should think carefully about how valuable the purchase is.
  - notyourwork 4y ago
    Relationship dynamics change when money gets involved. Especially when its a lot of money for at least one party.
lotsofpulp 4y ago
Not 99.9%, maybe 80% based on income statistics.
- falcolas 4y ago
  I guess that really depends. Paying back $7,000 without interest would still be a $300 monthly payment for 2 years.
sillysaurusx 4y ago
Sure. I didn't mean $7k specifically, but rather <amount you chose to loan>. Why loan someone a truckload of cash you can't afford to lose? It's kind of your fault at that point. We helped my sister in law afford a down payment on a house. She still hasn't gotten a house after 6 months. Am I a bit miffed? Sure. But breaking off a friendship over a down payment seems absurd. Life happens, and people tend to take a little while to figure it out. Who cares, it's not like we can take the money with us when we go to the next life anyway.
- falcolas 4y ago
  Even if you're able to afford to lose it, setting the expectation that the loan needs to be repaid will stress the borrower. That can be enough, in my experience, to break a relationship. Unless they're a sociopath, borrowing significant amounts of money from friends is usually considered to be a last resort, they're already in a bad place. Adding another monthly payment to their budget going to put them in a worse place.
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]

rhacker 4y ago

Yes, I believe you want to loan money to friends less than what the friendship is worth. In other words, $7k might break the friendship for some, for others not really. It also depends on how easily money comes to the lender.

RussianCow 4y ago

> If $7k destroys a friendship, it's not really that close of a friendship. This is easy to say if you're a software engineer at a top tier company making a solid six-figure salary, but $7k is an enormous amount of money for the vast majority of people. I think I would significantly hurt my relationships if I failed to pay back $7k to any of my friends.

screwturner68 4y ago
exactly. At times in my life $7000 might as well be $1MM, If you take money from someone pay it back.

mr90210 4y ago

It’s not about the amount, it’s rather about how the borrower handles the payback. If you promised to payback $1 that I lent you, and you don’t despite having it, I’ll equally judge you as if it were $1 million dollars.

readthenotes1 4y ago

Asking for a loan and not paying it back is the equivalent of lying to your friend. Is a big lie to exploit a friendship enough to in the friendship?