The advice is generally to MAKE it a gift - not secretly think of it as one. As you've experienced, the guilt can drive people apart from the borrower's side,

The advice is generally to MAKE it a gift - not secretly think of it as one. As you've experienced, the guilt can drive people apart from the borrower's side, even if you never ask for repayment, so you need to make it clear up from that none is expected.