4 ms·

> Second, I think the "money well spent" part is that you helped her in some small amount, when it was obvious she was suffering, and you didn't expect anything

> Second, I think the "money well spent" part is that you helped her in some small amount, when it was obvious she was suffering, and you didn't expect anything in return. It seems you have been lucky enough to be living a sheltered life, without any acquaintance having tried to chat you up to their advantage. Unfortunately there are plenty of people in the real world who are either takers or outright set to exploit you. Not many, but enough to have people learn the wisdom of saying "no" to sob stories. I once came across a guy who apparently lived close to me who was asking for money for a taxi ride because he was out of gas and had to go to the hospital to check up on his kid who had an emergency and blablabla. I gave the guy 10€ and wished him well. Fast forward a couple of weeks and I stumble upon the same guy right on the same spot. He clearly didn't recognize me as he asked me again for money for a taxi ride because he ran out of gas and his kid was just admitted to the hospital and blablabla. I asked him if he didn't asked for that same request a few weeks ago, to which he just stood there looking at me without saying a word, and after a couple of seconds he turned back and proceeded to walk away and never be seen again. In the pre mass online shopping days I also had a close friend who just moved to another city. Our friend group had thrown him a big farewell party and everyone promised to keep in touch and visit all the time and all those things. After a few days that friend reached out to us saying he now lived right next to a consumer electronics megashop, and if any of us wanted anything shipped then we could simply send him the cash and he would buy the stuff we needed. A couple of guys from the friend group took him on his offer and sent him cash transfers, and that friend proceeded to ghost everyone. Sadly I have other personal anecdotes, some of which real sob stories. It really depends on what you mean by helping people with a small amount. Those who profit from your actions do benefit from the money they get from you even if it's under false pretenses. Robbers who steal stuff from people around them are also helped by getting their hands on il gotten gains.

asveikau 4y ago
> It seems you have been lucky enough to be living a sheltered life, without any acquaintance having tried to chat you up to their advantage. I'm sorry good sir or madam, I stopped reading here. In my personal life experience with abusive people, I find it makes me want to be more in favor of unconditional help for others, not less. Though I have experienced the urge to want to help people less, which you seem stuck in, and I was formerly stuck. I think it's a stress response. It creates a lot of anxiety to keep sizing people up for how they're going to screw you, instead of just accepting them and treating them well. (Yes, there is a difference between treating them well and letting them abuse you.)
- simplotek 4y ago
  > In my personal life experience with abusive people, I find it makes me want to be more in favor of unconditional help for others, not less. This has nothing to do with conditional or conditional help, or help at all. You feel compelled to fool yourself into believing you're not being exploited, but you're the only one believing that nonsense. You're dealt with like the mark in a con, and not exercising any common sense does not make you more pious, just an easy mark without self esteem. The people that leech off of you are not the ones who need it the most. They are just the ones that don't mind profiting from less than ethical and moral means.
  - asveikau 4y ago
    Enjoy your paranoid life. Imo the ideas you're writing indicate very high levels of stress, which can lead to unfounded mistrust of others and general misanthropy. If you could see it more broadly you might see that the people "taking advantage" are also suffering, and have more in common with you than you appreciate. It's ok to be yourself around those people, to let down your proverbial guard, while having appropriate boundaries and not being exploited ... But over focus on who exploits and who is exploited blah blah blah ... All of that is quite toxic. It can make you just as miserable as the people you're accusing, if not more. And if you see every interaction this way, it's only a matter of time before you start seeing potential exploitation where it doesn't exist.

asveikau 4y ago

> It seems you have been lucky enough to be living a sheltered life, without any acquaintance having tried to chat you up to their advantage. I'm sorry good sir or madam, I stopped reading here. In my personal life experience with abusive people, I find it makes me want to be more in favor of unconditional help for others, not less. Though I have experienced the urge to want to help people less, which you seem stuck in, and I was formerly stuck. I think it's a stress response. It creates a lot of anxiety to keep sizing people up for how they're going to screw you, instead of just accepting them and treating them well. (Yes, there is a difference between treating them well and letting them abuse you.)

simplotek 4y ago
> In my personal life experience with abusive people, I find it makes me want to be more in favor of unconditional help for others, not less. This has nothing to do with conditional or conditional help, or help at all. You feel compelled to fool yourself into believing you're not being exploited, but you're the only one believing that nonsense. You're dealt with like the mark in a con, and not exercising any common sense does not make you more pious, just an easy mark without self esteem. The people that leech off of you are not the ones who need it the most. They are just the ones that don't mind profiting from less than ethical and moral means.
- asveikau 4y ago
  Enjoy your paranoid life. Imo the ideas you're writing indicate very high levels of stress, which can lead to unfounded mistrust of others and general misanthropy. If you could see it more broadly you might see that the people "taking advantage" are also suffering, and have more in common with you than you appreciate. It's ok to be yourself around those people, to let down your proverbial guard, while having appropriate boundaries and not being exploited ... But over focus on who exploits and who is exploited blah blah blah ... All of that is quite toxic. It can make you just as miserable as the people you're accusing, if not more. And if you see every interaction this way, it's only a matter of time before you start seeing potential exploitation where it doesn't exist.