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When I was younger I learned that loaning money to friends, and then asking to be repaid, sucks. You're made to feel like you're some sort of Scrooge character

by jmuguy 4y ago

When I was younger I learned that loaning money to friends, and then asking to be repaid, sucks. You're made to feel like you're some sort of Scrooge character. Now I either simply give whatever is asked, and make it clear I do not wish to be paid back, or just say no. Initially it seemed logical to say OK you need 100 bucks for this or that and you'll get me back. But then a month later I'd mention it and was met with this sort of "why are you being a jerk about it" response. Now I'm in a position that its not a big deal, but back then even that relatively small amount of money was a big deal. It was a tough lesson to learn that some people just use the term 'loan' to make themselves feel less guilty for asking, or maybe intend to ghost you regardless. I think this also gets into Americans (or maybe just Southerners?) being weird about money and personal finance. Talking about money is taboo.

bombcar 4y ago
Neither a borrower nor a lender be, For loan oft loses both itself and friend, And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry. This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. Farewell. My blessing season this in thee. In cases where I feel I need to, I clarify it's a gift and if they really feel the need to repay later, they can pay it forward or gift back. The key is removing the guilt which is what kills friendship.
- dgeiser13 4y ago
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXId5jOTxdg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXId5jOTxdg
BitwiseFool 4y ago
The challenge is that friends and family are seen as the lowest priority for repayment. Despite the fact that a loan from them was already given in the most kind and generous way, there is an increased expectation for friendliness and leniency when it comes to leniency around repayment that just doesn't come with an institutionalized lender. Complicating things is that the penalties for not paying others, like a bank, utility company, landlord, etc. are real and tangible. Whereas hurt feelings are much more readily dismissed than an eviction notice or a debt collector.
agumonkey 4y ago
Money is a very very subtle topic between humans. I live where I was a born, so naturally, all elders needing a hand for whatever (mostly computing obv.) get my assistance. They always want to pay or they feel really really bad. Reminds me I need to read graeber's book about non currency debts.. it seems to discuss these relationships.
- kybernetikos 4y ago
  He tells an interesting story of a relationship between two vikings, where one receives an impressive gift from his friend, and immediately sets out to kill him, because there's no way he's going to spend a week (or however long) writing the kind of epic poetry that such a gift would deserve. I think in the end he misses him, and has to go home and write the poem.

by jmuguy 4y ago

bombcar 4y ago

Neither a borrower nor a lender be, For loan oft loses both itself and friend, And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry. This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. Farewell. My blessing season this in thee. In cases where I feel I need to, I clarify it's a gift and if they really feel the need to repay later, they can pay it forward or gift back. The key is removing the guilt which is what kills friendship.

dgeiser13 4y ago
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXId5jOTxdg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXId5jOTxdg

BitwiseFool 4y ago

The challenge is that friends and family are seen as the lowest priority for repayment. Despite the fact that a loan from them was already given in the most kind and generous way, there is an increased expectation for friendliness and leniency when it comes to leniency around repayment that just doesn't come with an institutionalized lender. Complicating things is that the penalties for not paying others, like a bank, utility company, landlord, etc. are real and tangible. Whereas hurt feelings are much more readily dismissed than an eviction notice or a debt collector.

agumonkey 4y ago

Money is a very very subtle topic between humans. I live where I was a born, so naturally, all elders needing a hand for whatever (mostly computing obv.) get my assistance. They always want to pay or they feel really really bad. Reminds me I need to read graeber's book about non currency debts.. it seems to discuss these relationships.

kybernetikos 4y ago
He tells an interesting story of a relationship between two vikings, where one receives an impressive gift from his friend, and immediately sets out to kill him, because there's no way he's going to spend a week (or however long) writing the kind of epic poetry that such a gift would deserve. I think in the end he misses him, and has to go home and write the poem.