I'm replying to you here because your "Ask HN" post was flagged, can't comment there, but I think your statement about destructive behaviour [edit: was 'last st

I'm replying to you here because your "Ask HN" post was flagged, can't comment there, but I think your statement about destructive behaviour [edit: was 'last statement'] is the important one. It is to be taken seriously. There are probably very few people on HN qualified to help you with your situation. Even for those who are, a public forum is not an effective place to do it. No, a therapist won't magically fix anything. But therapists and psychiatrist are the "debugging experts". They have training and experience to help with problems like yours. In effect, there is a magnifying glass which is making past events loom larger and larger. A therapist can help you get grounded, reversing the glass so to speak. A psychiatrist can help if there is some physical issue, such as OCD, that is feeding in to it. I'm not qualified to help, but please be assured that many, many of us have experienced similiar situations. That doesn't mean "I know what you're feeling." We don't. You are you, your situations is unique to you (as with all people), and even if we knew exactly what you were experiencing that doesn't get rid of the feelings. But we can empathize and sympathize. You are not alone. I would like to commend you on trying to handle things "the right way". That speaks well to you character. Please don't give up on it. Get the expert help.