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This is a really difficult situation, I can't imagine how stressful this must be. However, from your comments on suicide, I feel you are depressed, and forming

by _yb2s 4y ago

This is a really difficult situation, I can't imagine how stressful this must be. However, from your comments on suicide, I feel you are depressed, and forming a false narrative about the situation, as depression tends to do. Realize that these stories in your head about how hopeless everything is are total bullshit- there is a way out of this, and your life will get good again. If you have no money, all of those obligations disappear legally (assuming you are in the USA)- they cannot make someone without money pay. Your responsibility is to deal with your own mental health first so you can get the strength back to deal with your responsibilities later. Here is a general approach I would recommend: 1) Make a list of all of your financial obligations, and research each for at least one hour online, to figure out how to get out of it based on zero income. You should consider filing for bankruptcy. 2) File all of those things properly yourself, e.g. using NOLO books from the library. 3) Drop your house, car, etc. and find a low stress way to survive that requires a lot of hard physical labor outdoors, suitable for your own skills and abilities. For example, if this were me I would get a free derelict sailboat and live with subsistence diving and fishing and sea foraging. Other people might do farm labor for cash, etc. Look for anything that is incredibly physically hard, pays poorly but supports survival, and gives you introspective solitude. 4) Work on your inner self with daily practice. Any method is suitable: qi gong, wim hof, stoicism, buddhism, etc. 5) Once you have rebuilt yourself internally, and become conformable living on nothing, work on a plan to re-enter the world, and execute it. Be open to many options. Consider for example companies that emphasize hiring ex-criminals, founding your own company, or switching fields entirely. Possibly also look for some ways to (legally) obscure your negative reputation online: go by a nickname, etc. or simply embrace it and be upfront about it. Let employers know the real story, and that they are getting a skilled person at a bargain because of your background. I mean, reading this story, my first thoughts were around if I would be able to make you a job offer.

novocantico 4y ago
I would rather die than not provide for my children. My one and only purpose in life is to be their father. So I will provide for them or die trying. What I need is help on figuring out how to find a job that makes me $50/hour and doesn't kill me. And for everyone here, I am not suicidal. I am just really, really tired of life.
- _yb2s 4y ago
  I understood that when I wrote what I did. You need to prioritize yourself, so that you can be the father your kids need. Put the oxygen mask on yourself first, or you won't be putting one on anyone. Your kids need a father that isn't "tired of life" more than they need money, unless they are literally starving right now.
pcthrowaway 4y ago
> I feel you are depressed, and forming a false narrative about the situation, as depression tends to do. This is a bit too much. OP literally has the entire world stacked against them. They're in a seemingly insurmountable situation. Even if they manage to stay out of prison for non-payment of child support, they're just treading water. There is almost no way they can live a comfortable life for themselves. Even if they manage to find a $100/hr job one day, most of that will go to child support. They won't be able to save much. Their food budget is $200, so malnutrition seems like a looming possibility also. Some armchair psychologist trying to diagnose them with clinical depression because they are rightfully feeling depressed about the situation is not what they need right now.
- _yb2s 4y ago
  You are right that literally anyone in this situation would reasonably suffer from situational depression, but I don't understand why you think it would be helpful to not be conscious of this? Depression causes you to feel hopeless, and form false narratives that prevent you from seeing possible solutions or options. Being conscious of this has been very helpful for me, as a person with lifelong chronic depression.
  - pcthrowaway 4y ago
    You're right. I didn't realize that this was a thing (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depression_(mood) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depression_(mood)) I thought it specifically referred to this (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_disorder https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_disorder) e.g. clinical depression. I realize you didn't say clinically depressed, I've just been conditioned to assume it's the latter when talking about depression.
    - threatofrain 4y ago
      Literature indicates that mild depression predicts a slightly more realistic worldview than the normal population, and MDD is one form of clinical depression.
  - deleted 4y ago
unethical_ban 4y ago
I am friends with someone who is a convicted sex offender. He's also a genuinely incredible person otherwise, but made a bad decision and was convicted and put on probation for it. He is lucky because he still has a job and doesn't have kids to deal with, but even then, the stresses of this particular class of offense are huge. There is no forgiveness, there is no nuance, there is no "ah well glad you are better and contrite for what you have done". I think someone would be better off (job and social forgiveness and dating-wise) to kill someone drunk driving than to download a single picture of CSAM. I am not saying CSAM is good, or that it should be legal, or that those who do so do not deserve punishment. To reiterate, I honest-to-God believe someone has better chances at getting a job, finding new friends and love, and being accepted into society if they were to negligently kill someone after choosing to drink and drive than it is for someone to recover from the stain of downloading even one instance of CSAM, no matter how contrite, rehabilitated and complaint with therapy that person is. --- To that end, I hope the OP can queue his problems, like another poster said. Find a job anywhere that will accept him. There are potentially non-profits that will work with him (?) esp. if his claims of near-homelessness are true. I hope this person is as contrite and reformed as they sound, and I hope they get through this part of their life. IIRC depending on the level of crime, it may go off BG checks after some period of time.

by _yb2s 4y ago

novocantico 4y ago

I would rather die than not provide for my children. My one and only purpose in life is to be their father. So I will provide for them or die trying. What I need is help on figuring out how to find a job that makes me $50/hour and doesn't kill me. And for everyone here, I am not suicidal. I am just really, really tired of life.

_yb2s 4y ago
I understood that when I wrote what I did. You need to prioritize yourself, so that you can be the father your kids need. Put the oxygen mask on yourself first, or you won't be putting one on anyone. Your kids need a father that isn't "tired of life" more than they need money, unless they are literally starving right now.

pcthrowaway 4y ago

> I feel you are depressed, and forming a false narrative about the situation, as depression tends to do. This is a bit too much. OP literally has the entire world stacked against them. They're in a seemingly insurmountable situation. Even if they manage to stay out of prison for non-payment of child support, they're just treading water. There is almost no way they can live a comfortable life for themselves. Even if they manage to find a $100/hr job one day, most of that will go to child support. They won't be able to save much. Their food budget is $200, so malnutrition seems like a looming possibility also. Some armchair psychologist trying to diagnose them with clinical depression because they are rightfully feeling depressed about the situation is not what they need right now.

_yb2s 4y ago
You are right that literally anyone in this situation would reasonably suffer from situational depression, but I don't understand why you think it would be helpful to not be conscious of this? Depression causes you to feel hopeless, and form false narratives that prevent you from seeing possible solutions or options. Being conscious of this has been very helpful for me, as a person with lifelong chronic depression.
- pcthrowaway 4y ago
  You're right. I didn't realize that this was a thing (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depression_(mood) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depression_(mood)) I thought it specifically referred to this (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_disorder https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_disorder) e.g. clinical depression. I realize you didn't say clinically depressed, I've just been conditioned to assume it's the latter when talking about depression.
  - threatofrain 4y ago
    Literature indicates that mild depression predicts a slightly more realistic worldview than the normal population, and MDD is one form of clinical depression.
- deleted 4y ago

unethical_ban 4y ago

I am friends with someone who is a convicted sex offender. He's also a genuinely incredible person otherwise, but made a bad decision and was convicted and put on probation for it. He is lucky because he still has a job and doesn't have kids to deal with, but even then, the stresses of this particular class of offense are huge. There is no forgiveness, there is no nuance, there is no "ah well glad you are better and contrite for what you have done". I think someone would be better off (job and social forgiveness and dating-wise) to kill someone drunk driving than to download a single picture of CSAM. I am not saying CSAM is good, or that it should be legal, or that those who do so do not deserve punishment. To reiterate, I honest-to-God believe someone has better chances at getting a job, finding new friends and love, and being accepted into society if they were to negligently kill someone after choosing to drink and drive than it is for someone to recover from the stain of downloading even one instance of CSAM, no matter how contrite, rehabilitated and complaint with therapy that person is. --- To that end, I hope the OP can queue his problems, like another poster said. Find a job anywhere that will accept him. There are potentially non-profits that will work with him (?) esp. if his claims of near-homelessness are true. I hope this person is as contrite and reformed as they sound, and I hope they get through this part of their life. IIRC depending on the level of crime, it may go off BG checks after some period of time.