4 ms·

You have the right to parent your kids any way you want, but I want to gently say that if you have a gay kid, this isn't going to make a difference. I knew I wa

by Mezzie 4y ago

You have the right to parent your kids any way you want, but I want to gently say that if you have a gay kid, this isn't going to make a difference. I knew I was gay (or at least same sex attracted) when I was 5 or 6. And one reason I knew this is that 80+% of movies I watched ended in male + female romances and I didn't get why I didn't like that, so I started searching online. Which is to say if you have a gay kid and are clearly 'don't want to talk about gay things', your kids might end up going to other adults which is not good. If you do want to avoid all the Pride stuff/gay characters (I mean I'm gay and I agree it's annoying and wish they'd cool it in kid's media) can you VPN or set your location to somewhere that censors the content? China or the Middle East, etc. Usually that's why it's such a small part in Disney productions; they cut it for other countries.

wonderwonder 4y ago
I 100% agree with you, I think that the vast majority of people are gay because they are born that way. I wish gay people nothing but happiness. I think that sexual confusion can arise though when kids are exposed to new ideas / concepts and I just want to delay that exposure as much as I can until they are older (at least middle school). Its just a personal parenting choice; I could be wrong and am ok with that. If my kid ends up gay then he's gay, I love him the same.
- Mezzie 4y ago
  I'm not sure what you mean by 'sexual confusion' unless you mean the gay version of me trying desperately to make myself like men? Or something like my sister who thought she was bi for a while because I was the only decent role model she had and I was gay. The reason I mention how young I was is because having romance shoved in my face constantly made me aware by the time I was a kindergartner that something was 'wrong' with me. Now, you do say 'he' and male kids get more of an opt out there, but as a girl child? It wasn't great. Also, what do you fear about the sexual confusion? Do you think your child will be hurt/taken advantage of? I guess to me the defining line is how are you treating straight romances? Because tbh my thought is that children's media in general goes way too hard into romance and I agree with you that in general prepubescent childhood shouldn't be the time for that - I get major ick from all the het stuff we push on kids and I don't think the answer is 'push our (queer) stuff onto them too!' Like why does The Lion King need a romance? (Also do you worry about things like that turning them into furries?) Basically, are you consistent or do you single out homosexuality? (Also thank you for engaging; it's hard to have conversations about this that don't devolve into name calling. There are pretty legitimate reasons to not want a kid to turn out gay if there is a nurture component: It severely limits their partners and/or opens them up to abuse from culture around them. It's obvious why a parent wouldn't want that for their child.)
  - wonderwonder 4y ago
    I think your personal experience actually captures my concern: "Or something like my sister who thought she was bi for a while because I was the only decent role model she had and I was gay" Kids are very malleable at a young age and they build themselves based on the rolemodels and influences they are exposed to. I take this into consideration when deciding what they can watch. As to your question on do I apply the same concerns to depictions of straight romances, to a point but very much not to the same degree. I am biased in that I would prefer my kids be straight, generally for selfish reasons such as wanting my kids to have kids of their own but also for general reasons such as its just an easier life for a straight kid than a gay one. I am not advocating for gay kids to have harder lives, its just unfortunately the facts on the ground. I don't let my kids watch anything that is openly sexual though, gay or straight. I know the furries question is a throw away but it does raise a point. I think a lot of sexual fetishes (not including homosexuality here) are due to exposure to them via media. No one wakes up and thinks I'm a sexual [insert animal of your choice]. They are exposed to it via media and it sparks a flame [the nurture component]. I try to limit my kids exposure to media that I think could influence them in ways I prefer they not be influenced.
    - Mezzie 4y ago
      That's a very fair approach. One thing I will also note is - and I do mean this in a gentle way - that placing pressure on your child to have children of his own might not just backfire if he's gay. Half of my family is conservative (the other half is progressive) and very Catholic, and my cousin who is infertile has had a terrible time of it. Or if your straight son's wife is infertile. Or if your child ends up disabled and unable to commit to parenting. That may be something you want to work on in the coming decades, partially because if you are a part of conservative leaning communities (like if you're religious) you need to be there for your child if they can't meet those expectations for whatever reason.
      - wonderwonder 4y ago
        What you say is a fair caution. I have not openly told my kid that I expect them to have kids, its just an internal hope. The only thing I really pressure them on currently is trying their best at school and whatever sports they choose to play (the what is up to them except I make them take boxing). If they try their best and still don't do well then its on me for not sitting down with them to explain things they were having an issue with or it just is what it is, no blame. As far as conservative leanings, I'm not religious and prior to reaching my current age was actually fairly liberal (but not the crazy kind). I think getting older and having kids has tempered that and given me more of a conservative political bent but hopefully not the crazy kind :)

by Mezzie 4y ago

wonderwonder 4y ago

I 100% agree with you, I think that the vast majority of people are gay because they are born that way. I wish gay people nothing but happiness. I think that sexual confusion can arise though when kids are exposed to new ideas / concepts and I just want to delay that exposure as much as I can until they are older (at least middle school). Its just a personal parenting choice; I could be wrong and am ok with that. If my kid ends up gay then he's gay, I love him the same.

Mezzie 4y ago
I'm not sure what you mean by 'sexual confusion' unless you mean the gay version of me trying desperately to make myself like men? Or something like my sister who thought she was bi for a while because I was the only decent role model she had and I was gay. The reason I mention how young I was is because having romance shoved in my face constantly made me aware by the time I was a kindergartner that something was 'wrong' with me. Now, you do say 'he' and male kids get more of an opt out there, but as a girl child? It wasn't great. Also, what do you fear about the sexual confusion? Do you think your child will be hurt/taken advantage of? I guess to me the defining line is how are you treating straight romances? Because tbh my thought is that children's media in general goes way too hard into romance and I agree with you that in general prepubescent childhood shouldn't be the time for that - I get major ick from all the het stuff we push on kids and I don't think the answer is 'push our (queer) stuff onto them too!' Like why does The Lion King need a romance? (Also do you worry about things like that turning them into furries?) Basically, are you consistent or do you single out homosexuality? (Also thank you for engaging; it's hard to have conversations about this that don't devolve into name calling. There are pretty legitimate reasons to not want a kid to turn out gay if there is a nurture component: It severely limits their partners and/or opens them up to abuse from culture around them. It's obvious why a parent wouldn't want that for their child.)
- wonderwonder 4y ago
  I think your personal experience actually captures my concern: "Or something like my sister who thought she was bi for a while because I was the only decent role model she had and I was gay" Kids are very malleable at a young age and they build themselves based on the rolemodels and influences they are exposed to. I take this into consideration when deciding what they can watch. As to your question on do I apply the same concerns to depictions of straight romances, to a point but very much not to the same degree. I am biased in that I would prefer my kids be straight, generally for selfish reasons such as wanting my kids to have kids of their own but also for general reasons such as its just an easier life for a straight kid than a gay one. I am not advocating for gay kids to have harder lives, its just unfortunately the facts on the ground. I don't let my kids watch anything that is openly sexual though, gay or straight. I know the furries question is a throw away but it does raise a point. I think a lot of sexual fetishes (not including homosexuality here) are due to exposure to them via media. No one wakes up and thinks I'm a sexual [insert animal of your choice]. They are exposed to it via media and it sparks a flame [the nurture component]. I try to limit my kids exposure to media that I think could influence them in ways I prefer they not be influenced.
  - Mezzie 4y ago
    That's a very fair approach. One thing I will also note is - and I do mean this in a gentle way - that placing pressure on your child to have children of his own might not just backfire if he's gay. Half of my family is conservative (the other half is progressive) and very Catholic, and my cousin who is infertile has had a terrible time of it. Or if your straight son's wife is infertile. Or if your child ends up disabled and unable to commit to parenting. That may be something you want to work on in the coming decades, partially because if you are a part of conservative leaning communities (like if you're religious) you need to be there for your child if they can't meet those expectations for whatever reason.
    - wonderwonder 4y ago
      What you say is a fair caution. I have not openly told my kid that I expect them to have kids, its just an internal hope. The only thing I really pressure them on currently is trying their best at school and whatever sports they choose to play (the what is up to them except I make them take boxing). If they try their best and still don't do well then its on me for not sitting down with them to explain things they were having an issue with or it just is what it is, no blame. As far as conservative leanings, I'm not religious and prior to reaching my current age was actually fairly liberal (but not the crazy kind). I think getting older and having kids has tempered that and given me more of a conservative political bent but hopefully not the crazy kind :)