At least for (recent versions of) Ubuntu Server, a C compiler isn't available on a bare install, so it'd need to just be Bash. And what's with the aversion to

At least for (recent versions of) Ubuntu Server, a C compiler isn't available on a bare install, so it'd need to just be Bash. And what's with the aversion to dependencies? Installing Ruby is just an apt-get invocation away from a bare server.