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I've noticed this as a cultural difference between "self-improvement" type engineers, and "dark matter" type engineers. Self improvers are the ones reading Hac

I've noticed this as a cultural difference between "self-improvement" type engineers, and "dark matter" type engineers. Self improvers are the ones reading Hacker News, going to conferences, and generally trying to hone their skill. Dark matter developers are a class I've shamelessly stolen from https://www.hanselman.com/blog/dark-matter-developers-the-unseen-99 https://www.hanselman.com/blog/dark-matter-developers-the-un... - which is definitely worth a read for the context, but the gist is that they're in this as a 9-to-5. The trouble comes where the two groups meet. We can all learn about how to ask better questions and more generally improve our communication skills, but it's vastly more difficult to _make someone care_ to do so. We've all seen and empathized with https://www.nohello.com/ https://www.nohello.com/, but if you link it to a dark matter coworker who behaves exactly this way, chances are they will see it as an attack, not as a recommendation - and that attack reflects poorly on you, rather than on them.

DangitBobby 4y ago
So which one of these groups prefers a call?
bluefirebrand 4y ago
Well yeah. Simply throwing a link at someone with no context is always going to come across as combative. I've had a lot of luck with "Hey, I appreciate that you always ask how I am when you're reaching out to me, but when you need something from me you can just ask upfront. You don't need to say Hi and wait for me to reply before asking. That way I don't keep you waiting and I can answer you as soon as I see your message" You don't have to tell them that you actually want to prioritize them based on their question, and absolutely will keep them waiting if you don't think it's urgent.
scudsworth 4y ago
if you've actually sent this website in response to someone chatting you, i guarantee that they think you're an ass. self-improvers too
- molotovh 4y ago
  I've always seen it as part of someone's profile or status message. But more often, it's just sort of a silently agreed-upon philosophy among our team. "Hello" without context isn't ignored, exactly, but it's automatically the lowest priority. That approach is pretty common across our whole team.
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DangitBobby 4y ago

So which one of these groups prefers a call?

bluefirebrand 4y ago

Well yeah. Simply throwing a link at someone with no context is always going to come across as combative. I've had a lot of luck with "Hey, I appreciate that you always ask how I am when you're reaching out to me, but when you need something from me you can just ask upfront. You don't need to say Hi and wait for me to reply before asking. That way I don't keep you waiting and I can answer you as soon as I see your message" You don't have to tell them that you actually want to prioritize them based on their question, and absolutely will keep them waiting if you don't think it's urgent.

scudsworth 4y ago

if you've actually sent this website in response to someone chatting you, i guarantee that they think you're an ass. self-improvers too

molotovh 4y ago
I've always seen it as part of someone's profile or status message. But more often, it's just sort of a silently agreed-upon philosophy among our team. "Hello" without context isn't ignored, exactly, but it's automatically the lowest priority. That approach is pretty common across our whole team.

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