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This is absolutely true. When moving to the US, it took me years to transition from interruption-based conversations to patiently waiting for the stage to be fr
by optymizer 4y ago
This is absolutely true. When moving to the US, it took me years to transition from interruption-based conversations to patiently waiting for the stage to be free. Needless to say, I wasn't making a lot of friends.
The other cultural conversation difference is in empathizing with the speaker by sharing your own experience, which in the US is often interpreted as making the conversation about yourself and triggers a negative reaction, whereas in other cultures people take turns in sharing related experiences to move the conversation along.
This comment is itself an example of the above. Some people in the US can converse in this style, but most will feel like the spotlight was stolen from them and that the stage was not given back via a question, so they disengage by saying 'cool' or a polite "that's fascinating", and the overall sentiment they get from such interactions is negative.
If you're like me, you want to stop interrupting, remember what point you were going to make, wait for the person to finish speaking, then IF the topic is still relevant, bring up that point in the form of a question; if the point is no longer relevant because the topic has been changed, just drop it and move on with the conversation, otherwise you can bring it up but realize that you will indirectly assign importance to it by bringing the conversation back to that point. Focus less on what you can say in a conversation, and more on the content you heard.
If this were a verbal conversation, notice that even if I give the stage back at this point to the 'parent', I already 1) talked about myself, 2) changed topics by mentioning a related, but different topic and 3) failed to ask any questions about the actual content that was presented to me.
The conversation is pretty much dead/mildly frustrating for them. The fact that I started by expressing agreement is OK, but at this point will most likely feel superficial to the listener. If you don't ask a question to give the stage back, you will leave them confused, and if you do ask a question - what is it going to be about? Probably about your own story ("e.g. do you agree? Have you experienced that?") or if you circle back to their content it will highlight how badly you've derailed the conversation ("so anyway, which cultures in your experience expect you to take the stage?").
This style can work with some folks in the US, but I'd say it's best to be very aware of it if you decide to go down this path. Generally, listening and asking questions, until they ask you a question, is the more familiar conversation style.
- vlod 4y agoThese games sounds complex and exhausting. As a Brit in the US, maybe this explains a lot. Having lived in the middle (Chicago), East coast (NYC) and West coast (SF Bay area), I'm curious if this explanation is generally consistent across them.
- munificent 4y agoNo, I don't think it is. My experience is that there are roughly four conversational style regions in the US: the south, east cost, west coast, and mid-west.