These are great tips, and something to pay close attention to if you find yourself struggling in basic socialisation with strangers, or get the sense that you'r

These are great tips, and something to pay close attention to if you find yourself struggling in basic socialisation with strangers, or get the sense that you're widely regarded as overly intense or disagreeable. But ultimately, as with all such things, it's really a question of inner and family culture, and goes to broader issues of intelligence and acculturation, more so than outward mannerisms. A person constitutionally uninterested in what others have to say because they have a very self-involved approach to interactions in general isn't going to revolutionise their thinking from a few tips on how to converse better. The psychology that gives rise to that is much broader and more insidious, not a simple failure of decorum or manners. Notwithstanding that, a possible downside of an overly fundamentalist reading of these tips is that, when applied too literally, they might foreclose on ultimately productive conversations, and especially on persuasion. There is such a thing as _too_ agreeable. As any skilled public-sphere rhetorician knows, conversations aren't just about "positive feelings" and "good vibes", and so-called "negative" feelings have their place too. For example, making someone feel--to any degree whatsoever, big or small--stupid or ignorant, whether to themselves or in front of their friends, is a valid and occasionally necessary strategy for changing hearts and minds. No, you won't be well-liked if that's your main shtick, and as with all sharp weapons, it is most effective when used sparingly. Still, it has its place. The incentives and goals are somewhat different in a semi-private conversation vs a highly performative public debate, too, as the author of the definitive 19th century guide to bullshit tells us. :-) [ http://coolhaus.de/art-of-controversy/ http://coolhaus.de/art-of-controversy/ ] Another highly relevant instance is getting someone interested in something they weren't previously interested in: it does occasionally take some force. Those of us who have children might find this particularly familiar. No, fundamentally you can't jam something down the throat of someone who's just not interested, and if you do that a lot, you'll get the sense after a while that people detour around you. But in a world of narrow specialisations and obscure niches, lots of listeners exist in a liminal space where they're not really sure they're interested--which defaults to a weak "no"--and their verbal cues and body language will reflect that. But if you key off of them with the sensitivity and immediacy suggested by the author, that really precludes any shot at making the sale, so to speak.