4 ms·

> the influx of people "educated" by it is a scourge on the BDSM community Rarely have I encountered a bigger bunch of insufferable judgemental assholes than i

> the influx of people "educated" by it is a scourge on the BDSM community Rarely have I encountered a bigger bunch of insufferable judgemental assholes than in the "BDSM community". They seem more interested in judging what is "true BDSM" than anything else. Reminds me of early black metal community and stuff like this, where it's not really about the topic you're organizing around but more about rebelling against the perceived "mainstream".

kragen 4y ago
yeah because every ten minutes some guy† walks in the door and says 'oh wow you mean i can actually rape and abuse young women‡ and get away with it, bdsm is super awesome, i am so glad i finally found a bunch of people like me' and the people who are already there, who are not in fact like him†, have to kick him† out unless they want their friends to get raped and abused, and also experience guilt by association this extremely frequent phenomenon results in a lot of energy being spent on gatekeeping because the alternative is degenerating into a rape gang sometimes it results in kicking the wrong people out because the gatekeepers make mistakes ______ † not always a guy or a him ‡ not always young women, though often
- Beltalowda 4y ago
  That's not even what I'm talking about; it's the "lol they just read 50 shades of grey and are now interested in bondage but they're just p0sers, we're the real kvlt!"
  - kragen 4y ago
    that's a book about intimate partner abuse tho, so it makes sense to be leery of people who got their picture of bdsm from it and then wanted to get involved
  - rcxdude 4y ago
    That's pretty far from the biggest objection I've heard from the BDSM community about the book. Pretty much universally they have an issue with the way the book treats consent, and thats a real, real, big thing you need to get right when engaging with BDSM.
wkat4242 4y ago
I have to disagree. I have found the BDSM community here in Spain to be nothing but welcoming and open-minded to newbies like me. I also haven't seen any other newbies come in like they know everything and own the place. Everyone is super cautious with one another, consent is paramount and the more experienced people are patient guides, not elitist at all. Nobody is obsessed with doing things "the right way" (with some exceptions of very ceremonial things like traditional shibari), and definitely not being judgmental about it, it's more a journey of self-discovery. I was surprised because what you describe is exactly what I expected.
mschuster91 4y ago
> They seem more interested in judging what is "true BDSM" than anything else. I agree and know a couple of these people as well, but my post was not aimed at these, nor at legitimate BDSM newbies. It was rather aimed at those who got all their ideas about BDSM from 50SoG, but have absolutely zero idea about basic stuff like consent, safety and after-care. Like, if you don't know what you're doing and unwilling to make at least some basic research, you can seriously damage another person - emotionally, mentally and physically.

kragen 4y ago

yeah because every ten minutes some guy† walks in the door and says 'oh wow you mean i can actually rape and abuse young women‡ and get away with it, bdsm is super awesome, i am so glad i finally found a bunch of people like me' and the people who are already there, who are not in fact like him†, have to kick him† out unless they want their friends to get raped and abused, and also experience guilt by association this extremely frequent phenomenon results in a lot of energy being spent on gatekeeping because the alternative is degenerating into a rape gang sometimes it results in kicking the wrong people out because the gatekeepers make mistakes ______ † not always a guy or a him ‡ not always young women, though often

Beltalowda 4y ago
That's not even what I'm talking about; it's the "lol they just read 50 shades of grey and are now interested in bondage but they're just p0sers, we're the real kvlt!"
- kragen 4y ago
  that's a book about intimate partner abuse tho, so it makes sense to be leery of people who got their picture of bdsm from it and then wanted to get involved
- rcxdude 4y ago
  That's pretty far from the biggest objection I've heard from the BDSM community about the book. Pretty much universally they have an issue with the way the book treats consent, and thats a real, real, big thing you need to get right when engaging with BDSM.

wkat4242 4y ago

I have to disagree. I have found the BDSM community here in Spain to be nothing but welcoming and open-minded to newbies like me. I also haven't seen any other newbies come in like they know everything and own the place. Everyone is super cautious with one another, consent is paramount and the more experienced people are patient guides, not elitist at all. Nobody is obsessed with doing things "the right way" (with some exceptions of very ceremonial things like traditional shibari), and definitely not being judgmental about it, it's more a journey of self-discovery. I was surprised because what you describe is exactly what I expected.

mschuster91 4y ago

> They seem more interested in judging what is "true BDSM" than anything else. I agree and know a couple of these people as well, but my post was not aimed at these, nor at legitimate BDSM newbies. It was rather aimed at those who got all their ideas about BDSM from 50SoG, but have absolutely zero idea about basic stuff like consent, safety and after-care. Like, if you don't know what you're doing and unwilling to make at least some basic research, you can seriously damage another person - emotionally, mentally and physically.