4 ms·

I applaud your purposeful-ness with your daughter but: I would strongly recommend that calling her friends “retarded monkeys” is a mentality that will do far f

I applaud your purposeful-ness with your daughter but: I would strongly recommend that calling her friends “retarded monkeys” is a mentality that will do far far more damage in the long run than any screen time. Being right and being self righteous are too very different things. Be purposeful there too. I say this as someone who struggles with passing on the same problematic mentalities to my children. Edit: parent removed the statement.

themitigating 4y ago
What's odd and maybe telling of this person's mentality is that calling them monkeys would have been sufficient since he said "pawing at".
- inthepipe 4y ago
  Monkeys don't even have paws.
  - Oxidation 4y ago
    They definitely can be called that, even if not technically correct: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Monkey%27s_Paw https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Monkey%27s_Paw Urgh, now I'm one of those "actually, language is how people use it" types. Literally.
  - LarryMullins 4y ago
    Paw is sometimes an informal/humorous word for 'hand'.
    - hgsgm 4y ago
      "paw" means "hand without functional fingers". Monkeys can type. And as HN shows, being able to type doesn't make someone smarter than someone who can manipulate visual objects. Does Thread OP "paw" at a Rubik's cube or LEGO?
  - googlryas 4y ago
    They said "pawed at", which is a phrase for an inelegant bumbling interaction with something. It is not literal. And they also said "like retarded monkeys", not that they are retarded monkeys.
burkaman 4y ago
Yes and she's 7, so 1) her friends have probably already told her that phones are better, and 2) she's probably aware of her dad's attitude and therefore isn't fully open with him about what she's interested in and what she does at friends' houses. And FYI the statement has not been removed, or it's been added back in.
sweetjuly 4y ago
Totally agreed. My parents were always weirdly mean about my friends and often, their appearances. All it ever achieved was discouraging me from telling them anything at all about my friends and never bringing them around the house because I didn't trust them to be kind to the people I cared about.
nonrandomstring 4y ago
Content was never removed. I stand by it. Of course I never call her friends that, which would be destructive, inappropriate and alienating for the all the reasons you wisely relay. I stand by it because I'm talking about their behaviour, not what they are. They're bright kids ( or they wouldn't be her mates ). But what I often see them do, which looks a lot like randomly bashing at a screen to "make shit happen", isn't the pinnacle of technology I want my kids to experience. Not until 15, wasted with her mates and playing the 2032 version of DOOM or whatever. Interestingly, if there's any friction or danger it comes from not biting my lip in criticising other parenting styles. That's actually where the weird stuff is, in the relations between the grown-ups. Most parents are naturally touchy about even implied criticism. And many do feel guilt about using phones and tablets as pacifiers. As I say in the book, I learned that a long time ago and am a practising but not preaching digital vegan.
- pertymcpert 4y ago
  Do you think your mentality of using that language bleeds into other negative influences? You might benefit from learning from the criticism of your post and rethinking things.
  - joenot443 4y ago
    It's just a word. Certain circles take it much more seriously than others. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and remember that using that language with ones peers on HN is different from using it in a professional or social setting. If he'd said "silly monkeys" I don't think anyone would have even commented.
    - wadd1e 4y ago
      In my opinion, the "it's just a word" mentality can often be harmful. There's a reason we use words and language, it s how we communicate our thoughts to others and hence our choice of language is very important. As it turns out, some words have connotations which are bad, and by using them you're communicating something that isn't an example of what you want to reinforce in a child, or anyone at all really. So I am not suggesting that GP should be ostracised over saying 'retarded' but I think it's important to atleast question why they are using language which hurts a specific group of people that have done nothing to deserve it. Here's a quote from a website[0] that explains why using 'retarded' in the way GP did here is harmful: “It hurts and scares me when I am the only person with intellectual disabilities on the bus and young people start making “retard” jokes or references. Please put yourself on that bus and fill the bus with people who are different from you. Imagine that they start making jokes using a term that describes you. It hurts and it is scary.” – John Franklin Stephens, Special Olympics Virginia athlete and Global Messenger Hopefully that quote helps to see why no one would question the usage of 'silly'. [1]: https://www.spreadtheword.global/resource-archive/r-word-effects https://www.spreadtheword.global/resource-archive/r-word-eff...
europeanguy 4y ago
I'm pretty sure this person is trolling..
- unethical_ban 4y ago
  "I try to limit my child's exposure to addictive, soul-sucking tools" Yeah, sounds like a real troll to me!
- tsunamifury 4y ago
  No, ycombinator attracts many of these ultra controlling engineers who also see everyone as inferior who doesn’t follow their strict guidelines of technical superiority. It’s very very common in the Eng field in my experience.

themitigating 4y ago

What's odd and maybe telling of this person's mentality is that calling them monkeys would have been sufficient since he said "pawing at".

inthepipe 4y ago
Monkeys don't even have paws.
- Oxidation 4y ago
  They definitely can be called that, even if not technically correct: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Monkey%27s_Paw https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Monkey%27s_Paw Urgh, now I'm one of those "actually, language is how people use it" types. Literally.
- LarryMullins 4y ago
  Paw is sometimes an informal/humorous word for 'hand'.
  - hgsgm 4y ago
    "paw" means "hand without functional fingers". Monkeys can type. And as HN shows, being able to type doesn't make someone smarter than someone who can manipulate visual objects. Does Thread OP "paw" at a Rubik's cube or LEGO?
- googlryas 4y ago
  They said "pawed at", which is a phrase for an inelegant bumbling interaction with something. It is not literal. And they also said "like retarded monkeys", not that they are retarded monkeys.

burkaman 4y ago

Yes and she's 7, so 1) her friends have probably already told her that phones are better, and 2) she's probably aware of her dad's attitude and therefore isn't fully open with him about what she's interested in and what she does at friends' houses. And FYI the statement has not been removed, or it's been added back in.

sweetjuly 4y ago

Totally agreed. My parents were always weirdly mean about my friends and often, their appearances. All it ever achieved was discouraging me from telling them anything at all about my friends and never bringing them around the house because I didn't trust them to be kind to the people I cared about.

nonrandomstring 4y ago

Content was never removed. I stand by it. Of course I never call her friends that, which would be destructive, inappropriate and alienating for the all the reasons you wisely relay. I stand by it because I'm talking about their behaviour, not what they are. They're bright kids ( or they wouldn't be her mates ). But what I often see them do, which looks a lot like randomly bashing at a screen to "make shit happen", isn't the pinnacle of technology I want my kids to experience. Not until 15, wasted with her mates and playing the 2032 version of DOOM or whatever. Interestingly, if there's any friction or danger it comes from not biting my lip in criticising other parenting styles. That's actually where the weird stuff is, in the relations between the grown-ups. Most parents are naturally touchy about even implied criticism. And many do feel guilt about using phones and tablets as pacifiers. As I say in the book, I learned that a long time ago and am a practising but not preaching digital vegan.

pertymcpert 4y ago
Do you think your mentality of using that language bleeds into other negative influences? You might benefit from learning from the criticism of your post and rethinking things.
- joenot443 4y ago
  It's just a word. Certain circles take it much more seriously than others. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and remember that using that language with ones peers on HN is different from using it in a professional or social setting. If he'd said "silly monkeys" I don't think anyone would have even commented.
  - wadd1e 4y ago
    In my opinion, the "it's just a word" mentality can often be harmful. There's a reason we use words and language, it s how we communicate our thoughts to others and hence our choice of language is very important. As it turns out, some words have connotations which are bad, and by using them you're communicating something that isn't an example of what you want to reinforce in a child, or anyone at all really. So I am not suggesting that GP should be ostracised over saying 'retarded' but I think it's important to atleast question why they are using language which hurts a specific group of people that have done nothing to deserve it. Here's a quote from a website[0] that explains why using 'retarded' in the way GP did here is harmful: “It hurts and scares me when I am the only person with intellectual disabilities on the bus and young people start making “retard” jokes or references. Please put yourself on that bus and fill the bus with people who are different from you. Imagine that they start making jokes using a term that describes you. It hurts and it is scary.” – John Franklin Stephens, Special Olympics Virginia athlete and Global Messenger Hopefully that quote helps to see why no one would question the usage of 'silly'. [1]: https://www.spreadtheword.global/resource-archive/r-word-effects https://www.spreadtheword.global/resource-archive/r-word-eff...

europeanguy 4y ago

I'm pretty sure this person is trolling..

unethical_ban 4y ago
"I try to limit my child's exposure to addictive, soul-sucking tools" Yeah, sounds like a real troll to me!
tsunamifury 4y ago
No, ycombinator attracts many of these ultra controlling engineers who also see everyone as inferior who doesn’t follow their strict guidelines of technical superiority. It’s very very common in the Eng field in my experience.