4 ms·

Didn't sleep train and now our 9yo expects to come to our bed every damned night. Big regret.

georgeburdell 4y ago
This is my fear as well. Coworkers have mentioned similar where their wives co-sleep well into elementary school. I’ve met some of those kids, and they just don’t seem well adjusted — as in, during the day they don’t play by themselves unless a parent is nearby. My wife is in the same camp and just cannot bear our kids (1 and 3) crying, so it sabotages any attempt at training them to be independent at night. I finally had to banish her to a remote bedroom while I sleep train them. I trained both of them at 1 and it only took a few days in a crib. The older one now has his own bed, so that’s been more challenging.
- lotsofpulp 4y ago
  There are billions of children/people around the world that cosleep/coslept simply because having your own bed/sleeping mat/space is a luxury most do not have. Kids cosleep in my parents’ villages in their home country because most families are living in a single room, but those kids are out playing all day while their parents work the fields or wherever. I imagine a relatively recent luxury (by itself) available to relatively few people in the world is not a causal factor in people being “well adjusted”.
scruple 4y ago
A former manager remarked to me one day that my one year old twins slept better than his 8 year old son. We've sleep trained all 3 of our children and I can't imagine our lives otherwise. I think we'd just manage to survive if they didn't sleep well and on their own.
frereubu 4y ago
We didn't sleep train our daughter - our organisation was pretty messy to be honest - and although she did sleep in another room from a reasonable age, sleep was incredibly patchy and broken for years. Which broke us too! Something clicked when she was around 7.5 years old, and her sleep has been pretty fine since then. I know you say yours is 9, but I write this to hopefully offer some solace that things do change, even if you don't feel like you didn't do the right things. (And which 12-year-old wants to sleep in their parents' bed?! So although it may feel a long way off, it won't last forever...)
partiallypro 4y ago
This is going to sound harsh but I think some bad habits like this are gotten rid of when their friend group finds out and makes fun of them for it.
- marliechiller 4y ago
  I do sometimes wonder on the effects of "positive" bullying in social circles. Not physical violence, but teasing etc. One boy in our childhood friendship group was constantly teased for his weight and bad eating habits. Eventually, he had had enough and one summer, hit the gym and got in shape. I suppose it easily could have gone the other way and this is all anecdotal but there must be other instances of such social effects
  - NateEag 4y ago
    In my early teens a friend harassed me constantly (but gently) about my constantly disheveled hair. Thanks to him I finally started combing it regularly.
rr808 4y ago
9 is nothing, my daughter is 14 and still expects her mother to join her most nights.

This is my fear as well. Coworkers have mentioned similar where their wives co-sleep well into elementary school. I’ve met some of those kids, and they just don’t seem well adjusted — as in, during the day they don’t play by themselves unless a parent is nearby. My wife is in the same camp and just cannot bear our kids (1 and 3) crying, so it sabotages any attempt at training them to be independent at night. I finally had to banish her to a remote bedroom while I sleep train them. I trained both of them at 1 and it only took a few days in a crib. The older one now has his own bed, so that’s been more challenging.

lotsofpulp 4y ago
There are billions of children/people around the world that cosleep/coslept simply because having your own bed/sleeping mat/space is a luxury most do not have. Kids cosleep in my parents’ villages in their home country because most families are living in a single room, but those kids are out playing all day while their parents work the fields or wherever. I imagine a relatively recent luxury (by itself) available to relatively few people in the world is not a causal factor in people being “well adjusted”.

scruple 4y ago

A former manager remarked to me one day that my one year old twins slept better than his 8 year old son. We've sleep trained all 3 of our children and I can't imagine our lives otherwise. I think we'd just manage to survive if they didn't sleep well and on their own.

frereubu 4y ago

We didn't sleep train our daughter - our organisation was pretty messy to be honest - and although she did sleep in another room from a reasonable age, sleep was incredibly patchy and broken for years. Which broke us too! Something clicked when she was around 7.5 years old, and her sleep has been pretty fine since then. I know you say yours is 9, but I write this to hopefully offer some solace that things do change, even if you don't feel like you didn't do the right things. (And which 12-year-old wants to sleep in their parents' bed?! So although it may feel a long way off, it won't last forever...)

partiallypro 4y ago

This is going to sound harsh but I think some bad habits like this are gotten rid of when their friend group finds out and makes fun of them for it.

marliechiller 4y ago
I do sometimes wonder on the effects of "positive" bullying in social circles. Not physical violence, but teasing etc. One boy in our childhood friendship group was constantly teased for his weight and bad eating habits. Eventually, he had had enough and one summer, hit the gym and got in shape. I suppose it easily could have gone the other way and this is all anecdotal but there must be other instances of such social effects
- NateEag 4y ago
  In my early teens a friend harassed me constantly (but gently) about my constantly disheveled hair. Thanks to him I finally started combing it regularly.

rr808 4y ago

9 is nothing, my daughter is 14 and still expects her mother to join her most nights.