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Great post. Actually got me to thinking about my own upbringing. My parents were either brilliant or lucky (probably somewhere in between). I was brought up in

by edw519 15y ago

Great post. Actually got me to thinking about my own upbringing. My parents were either brilliant or lucky (probably somewhere in between). I was brought up in a style when people were expected to "do their best", regardless of age. I walked a mile to school at age 5, did my own laundry at age 7, cooked for my mother and younger siblings at age 9, and starting working at age 12. I didn't think much about it until I went to college and realized how helpless most people my age were. Sometimes I think that this upbringing, more than anything else, has been most responsible for my success. To this day, when I'm debating whether or not to do something, I imagine my father saying, "That code isn't going to write itself." He treated me like that at a very early age and I continue to treat myself that way now. The concept of "there are no children" is just another way of looking at the same thing. Thanks, OP, for the new perspective.

olliesaunders 15y ago
I think you took a look more from this than most of us. I found denying the existence of children to be a rather poorly justified in the article but you provided a decent justification. I think parents often treat their children as children because of the formation of habits that start from the child being a baby. They get used to them being helpless, design their behavior around that, and then fail to notice when that situation changes. When this occurs it almost become the child’s responsibility to say ”Hey, I can do new stuff now!” periodically (most frequently in teenage years), at which point it is usually ignored. Another reason: letting your kids do the stuff that you used to do for them means letting go of some control. Parents worry what would happen if they allowed their child to do the things that they do: “Sure I could let my child cook their own meals but what if they just cooked lots of unhealthy food.”
pkghost 15y ago
Your father's mentorship style reminds me of Gotama Buddha's style of teaching: not imploring, cajoling, threatening, or demanding, but simply laying out the consequences of any given action and leaving the decision up to the individual. He also suggested that students test his offered truths and develop a first-hand understanding rather than taking his words on faith. People can get very receptive when you offer help without implying they should take it.

by edw519 15y ago

olliesaunders 15y ago

I think you took a look more from this than most of us. I found denying the existence of children to be a rather poorly justified in the article but you provided a decent justification. I think parents often treat their children as children because of the formation of habits that start from the child being a baby. They get used to them being helpless, design their behavior around that, and then fail to notice when that situation changes. When this occurs it almost become the child’s responsibility to say ”Hey, I can do new stuff now!” periodically (most frequently in teenage years), at which point it is usually ignored. Another reason: letting your kids do the stuff that you used to do for them means letting go of some control. Parents worry what would happen if they allowed their child to do the things that they do: “Sure I could let my child cook their own meals but what if they just cooked lots of unhealthy food.”

pkghost 15y ago

Your father's mentorship style reminds me of Gotama Buddha's style of teaching: not imploring, cajoling, threatening, or demanding, but simply laying out the consequences of any given action and leaving the decision up to the individual. He also suggested that students test his offered truths and develop a first-hand understanding rather than taking his words on faith. People can get very receptive when you offer help without implying they should take it.