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research has shown that most strangers are perfectly happy to be spoken to This feels a lot like hand-waving. Was this research rigorous? Did it differentiate

research has shown that most strangers are perfectly happy to be spoken to This feels a lot like hand-waving. Was this research rigorous? Did it differentiate between the attractiveness of the person initiating conversation and the context in which it was initiated? When I'm out I'm typically trying to accomplish a task and have no desire for random strangers to talk to me. I would also never presume a stranger wants it either, unless we're having a shared experience.

mettamage 4y ago
> When I'm out I'm typically trying to accomplish a task and have no desire for random strangers to talk to me. Depends on the context. I've heard quotes from friends like yours and then showed them things that they'd deem impossible, also impossible by me. The truth is not a lot of people have a lot of experiences on talking to strangers because it's not in their culture. In my experience in Dutch trains: yes, most people are interested in a conversation. It really depends on how you bring it. Usually my conversations start when I see a person making themselves smaller and I tell them "oh, you don't have to make yourself smaller, take all the space you want." "Thank you, but it's fine" "Weird isn't it how that happens?" If they're open for a conversation, they'll entertain the thought. I do this on autopilot, because I believe people should express themselves how they want to, I dislike it that they're making themselves smaller. In any case, there's a big chance you'll be skeptical, don't really believe it etc. Go up to 30 people, give them a compliment that you genuinely believe and then ask yourself whether the aggregate was the reaction you expected. Cool, now go up to 30 more people and after the compliment lead with an observation or a question. Ask yourself how many of them stayed for a conversation. I do stuff like this, because more people should give compliments to others. Most people appreciate it, some stop for a conversation (this is the street at 2 PM). Some people look at me if I came from an insane asylum and I get the sense they're shaming me non-verbally by looking really weird at me. It's funny to see their beliefs imposed on me as I know something they don't: most like it. And for as far as people have done that stuff to me: I like to too.
- causality0 4y ago
  "oh, you don't have to make yourself smaller, take all the space you want." Have you considered that they're doing it because they feel crowded, not because they're overly concerned about other people feeling crowded?
kentlyons 4y ago
The actual paper says something slightly different: "Fortunately, the same research that demonstrates people's pessimism about talking to strangers also shows that this pessimism is often misplaced—strangers are more willing to talk than people anticipate (Cooney et al., 2021; Epley & Schroeder, 2014; Sandstrom & Boothby, 2021; Schroeder et al., 2021), conversations tend to go overwhelmingly better than people predict (Epley & Schroeder, 2014; Sandstrom & Boothby, 2021; Sandstrom & Dunn, 2014)"

mettamage 4y ago

> When I'm out I'm typically trying to accomplish a task and have no desire for random strangers to talk to me. Depends on the context. I've heard quotes from friends like yours and then showed them things that they'd deem impossible, also impossible by me. The truth is not a lot of people have a lot of experiences on talking to strangers because it's not in their culture. In my experience in Dutch trains: yes, most people are interested in a conversation. It really depends on how you bring it. Usually my conversations start when I see a person making themselves smaller and I tell them "oh, you don't have to make yourself smaller, take all the space you want." "Thank you, but it's fine" "Weird isn't it how that happens?" If they're open for a conversation, they'll entertain the thought. I do this on autopilot, because I believe people should express themselves how they want to, I dislike it that they're making themselves smaller. In any case, there's a big chance you'll be skeptical, don't really believe it etc. Go up to 30 people, give them a compliment that you genuinely believe and then ask yourself whether the aggregate was the reaction you expected. Cool, now go up to 30 more people and after the compliment lead with an observation or a question. Ask yourself how many of them stayed for a conversation. I do stuff like this, because more people should give compliments to others. Most people appreciate it, some stop for a conversation (this is the street at 2 PM). Some people look at me if I came from an insane asylum and I get the sense they're shaming me non-verbally by looking really weird at me. It's funny to see their beliefs imposed on me as I know something they don't: most like it. And for as far as people have done that stuff to me: I like to too.

causality0 4y ago
"oh, you don't have to make yourself smaller, take all the space you want." Have you considered that they're doing it because they feel crowded, not because they're overly concerned about other people feeling crowded?

kentlyons 4y ago

The actual paper says something slightly different: "Fortunately, the same research that demonstrates people's pessimism about talking to strangers also shows that this pessimism is often misplaced—strangers are more willing to talk than people anticipate (Cooney et al., 2021; Epley & Schroeder, 2014; Sandstrom & Boothby, 2021; Schroeder et al., 2021), conversations tend to go overwhelmingly better than people predict (Epley & Schroeder, 2014; Sandstrom & Boothby, 2021; Sandstrom & Dunn, 2014)"