3 ms·

To get better at something, force yourself to do it more often. Exposure therapy, there's nothing new or novel here. But it is effective.

sph 4y ago
That is true, but the point of the article is a little more subtle: not only exposure helps, but most of us hold the irrational belief that strangers are not interested in talking with us, and this study shows that strangers are actually more pleasant and forthcoming than one might think they are. I am terrible with striking conversations with random people on the street or outside of settings I know I have to meet someone. But the 3 or 4 times in my life I had to interact with complete strangers, or groups of them, it always went better than expected. Anyone that has taken a little MDMA at a party will have experienced it: when you make a point of introducing yourself to everyone, people tend to be quite friendly and open.
- itsmemattchung 4y ago
  > Anyone that has taken a little MDMA at a party will have experienced it: when you make a point of introducing yourself to everyone, people tend to be quite friendly and open Especially if everyone else is on MDMA as well...
  - sph 4y ago
    During that MDMA experience of mine I was the only one tripping, and I met all people in that small club, went backstage to chat with the band, joined two ladies and smoothly started dancing and flirting with one of them (but I was too high to take it further. People on ecstasy have a rather unattractive pale look) The next day I remember how easy it felt, and that the fear of strangers was completely irrational; Certainly, sober I make an even better impression than when I'm high as a kite.
itsmemattchung 4y ago
In general, I agree. But most recently, there's one thing that's not (for me, at least) getting easier despite doing it every day: cold water exposure. I'm someone who HATES HATES HATES cold temperature. Once, while camping in one of the Californian mountains during winter about 8 years ago, I couldn't stand the cold and I ended up stuffing heated hand-warmers in both of my shoes...accidentally fell asleep and woke up blistered feet. Anyways, starting July 2022 (a little over six months ago), I started cold water exposure. Every morning, as early as 4:30 am, I would force myself to hop in the shower and blast myself with cold water for at least 3 minutes. Sometimes 4 minutes. Now, I've been doing this consistently, every day, since then, and .... it's not getting easier. I still hate it. Every time. But I still do it, every day. But no, definitely not getting "better" at it, I don't think.
- smokel 4y ago
  Interesting experiment. How do you feel after or during the three minutes? Would you describe the experience as rewarding? If not, perhaps you could change something in or after the routine to create a positive feedback?
  - itsmemattchung 4y ago
    During the 3 minutes: mildly physically painful and mentally challenged. After, though, very rewarding — the adrenaline helps wake me up and helps me transition fairly quickly into a state of focus. > If not, perhaps you could change something in or after the routine to create a positive feedback? You're probably right: I probably need to start incorporating some better breathing techniques (e.g. Wim Hof).
    - TedDoesntTalk 4y ago
      > Wim Hof Came here to suggest him to you. First i read his book, and used the technique there. It’s described in a page or two; you don’t have to read the whole book unless you want to). Now I use his phone app. He also has YouTube videos but I haven’t watched them. Anyway, his breathing technique really helped me. I have not done cold baths yet, just showers, but it’s been 2 years and I can take a cold shower of any duration now. Started at 10 seconds! The breathing technique can take 20 minutes so if I’m in a hurry, I skip it and seem to do ok anyway. Not sure how or why, but maybe just by habit.
gundamdoubleO 4y ago
It can be difficult for people to take that first step though. I was extremely anxious about making conversation with strangers for years. Actually forcing myself to just do it and accept the uncomfortable feeling I always felt during and afterwards felt like an insurmountable task. I eventually did get mostly competent at it but that process of convincing myself to start and keep going probably took years.

sph 4y ago

That is true, but the point of the article is a little more subtle: not only exposure helps, but most of us hold the irrational belief that strangers are not interested in talking with us, and this study shows that strangers are actually more pleasant and forthcoming than one might think they are. I am terrible with striking conversations with random people on the street or outside of settings I know I have to meet someone. But the 3 or 4 times in my life I had to interact with complete strangers, or groups of them, it always went better than expected. Anyone that has taken a little MDMA at a party will have experienced it: when you make a point of introducing yourself to everyone, people tend to be quite friendly and open.

itsmemattchung 4y ago
> Anyone that has taken a little MDMA at a party will have experienced it: when you make a point of introducing yourself to everyone, people tend to be quite friendly and open Especially if everyone else is on MDMA as well...
- sph 4y ago
  During that MDMA experience of mine I was the only one tripping, and I met all people in that small club, went backstage to chat with the band, joined two ladies and smoothly started dancing and flirting with one of them (but I was too high to take it further. People on ecstasy have a rather unattractive pale look) The next day I remember how easy it felt, and that the fear of strangers was completely irrational; Certainly, sober I make an even better impression than when I'm high as a kite.

itsmemattchung 4y ago

In general, I agree. But most recently, there's one thing that's not (for me, at least) getting easier despite doing it every day: cold water exposure. I'm someone who HATES HATES HATES cold temperature. Once, while camping in one of the Californian mountains during winter about 8 years ago, I couldn't stand the cold and I ended up stuffing heated hand-warmers in both of my shoes...accidentally fell asleep and woke up blistered feet. Anyways, starting July 2022 (a little over six months ago), I started cold water exposure. Every morning, as early as 4:30 am, I would force myself to hop in the shower and blast myself with cold water for at least 3 minutes. Sometimes 4 minutes. Now, I've been doing this consistently, every day, since then, and .... it's not getting easier. I still hate it. Every time. But I still do it, every day. But no, definitely not getting "better" at it, I don't think.

smokel 4y ago
Interesting experiment. How do you feel after or during the three minutes? Would you describe the experience as rewarding? If not, perhaps you could change something in or after the routine to create a positive feedback?
- itsmemattchung 4y ago
  During the 3 minutes: mildly physically painful and mentally challenged. After, though, very rewarding — the adrenaline helps wake me up and helps me transition fairly quickly into a state of focus. > If not, perhaps you could change something in or after the routine to create a positive feedback? You're probably right: I probably need to start incorporating some better breathing techniques (e.g. Wim Hof).
  - TedDoesntTalk 4y ago
    > Wim Hof Came here to suggest him to you. First i read his book, and used the technique there. It’s described in a page or two; you don’t have to read the whole book unless you want to). Now I use his phone app. He also has YouTube videos but I haven’t watched them. Anyway, his breathing technique really helped me. I have not done cold baths yet, just showers, but it’s been 2 years and I can take a cold shower of any duration now. Started at 10 seconds! The breathing technique can take 20 minutes so if I’m in a hurry, I skip it and seem to do ok anyway. Not sure how or why, but maybe just by habit.

gundamdoubleO 4y ago

It can be difficult for people to take that first step though. I was extremely anxious about making conversation with strangers for years. Actually forcing myself to just do it and accept the uncomfortable feeling I always felt during and afterwards felt like an insurmountable task. I eventually did get mostly competent at it but that process of convincing myself to start and keep going probably took years.