6 ms·

I don't have any answers here, but I want to provide some context for the drugs in question. I'm on antipsychotics. They are nasty drugs. Absolutely brutal. Th

I don't have any answers here, but I want to provide some context for the drugs in question. I'm on antipsychotics. They are nasty drugs. Absolutely brutal. The worst of the side-effects for me are the sexual side-effects and motor-control issues. If I get dehydrated or my blood sugar gets low, I can lose the ability to walk. Within the first hour of taking my meds, I can't stand without losing my balance. I lose both my inner ear and kinesthetic senses. I don't know where my feet or hands are. I can only walk by having my eyes open to see if I'm level and feeling where the pressure is on my feet. During the day, I have medication that helps this but I still trip on uneven surfaces or drop things. The sexual side effects, I can't orgasm. Combined with the hypersexuality a manic episode creates, it is unbearable. Fortunately, I'm on yet another drug that makes this less of an issue. The only reason I can tolerate this is the alternative of going crazy is so terrifying, I'll do anything to prevent that from happening. If anyone wonders why people don't stay on their meds... this is a big reason.

sieabahlpark 4y ago
asveikau 4y ago
My brother was on antipsychotics for about 20 years. His compliance was poor. He is homeless now and without treatment. Growing up he would tell me how terrible the medications were. I believed him, and still do to an extent. However he also identified with his illness and thought the drugs were taking away his special powers. That was a symptom. For those reading who have less experience, they sometimes call that anosognosia or lack of awareness. In the end it's a very existential thing. It's easy to wonder about identity. I had a few people in my life with this sort of illness. I developed a model where medicated, treated, and stable, that is the "normal" them, their identity. However, these people got offended by this, and engaged in behavior I would describe as identifying with symptoms. Acknowledging symptoms, no matter how evident, was tantamount to personal attacks. I think we all have issues with this in our lives. Self awareness and identity is a difficult problem. It's only when it falls far outside of norms, into extremes, that we call it a disorder. It can be very tricky to draw those lines.
- jimkleiber 4y ago
  I read this and I start to think about how our identities may just be stories to which we've attached, often shortcuts to summarize characteristics of behaviors. I'm thinking of it more in the romantic "friend" vs "lover" buckets, but I think it plays out a lot in the health space as well. > For those reading who have less experience, they sometimes call that anosognosia or lack of awareness. I'm fascinated to learn of this and to read more, thank you.
- kdmccormick 4y ago
  Yes, this is a big thing I struggled with when I was off meds. Me without meds felt so much more... "me-like" than me on meds. So when someone referred to medicated me as "normal me", it was extremely hurtful. What I had to realize is that even if "me without meds" was an existentially truer version of myself, people did not like me without meds, they did not want to be my friend, nor did they want to give me a job. That's what got me on meds, and yes, it felt really shitty at the time. Years later, I don't feel that way any more. "Me with meds" feels like me, more than ever actually. And, lots of those things I valued about "me without meds" (wit, spontaneity, high energy, creativity) came back over time as I adjusted to being medicated. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to find a med that allows them to get to that happy point. It took good healthcare, several tries, a support network, and (I assume) luck.
- kayodelycaon 4y ago
  My treatment caused a complete loss of self-identity. In another time, I would have been a shaman. My entire life, I had a deep spiritual connection with wolves. That's gone. All that's left of it is blank wall and confusion. This hurt deeply. I can't even begin to describe how it felt to have everything I knew about myself destroyed. I'm fortunate to have been raised Christian. That hasn't changed and it's been a welcome grounding while I work things out.
  - Biganon 4y ago
    You sound extremely brave. Thank you for sharing your story, and merry Christmas in advance
bell-cot 4y ago
+100 (if I could). And similar for being sane enough to be so intent upon staying that way.
citizenpaul 4y ago
I've often been confused by reports like the OP that the person refuses meds then proceeds to descend into some sort of pure madness. How can that madness be better than the meds? Why do you think they prefer the madness? You seem to resist it do you know any reason why? I've known three people one directly and two indirectly that were lunatic level if they were off meds and all refused meds consistantly. 1. Was a guy I worked in the same dept during an early job. His thing was to start telling people that government agents were in the elevator to control your mind or something and ending out emails about it and corning people to warn them. Funny thing was it was a government job so there were government agents in the elevator pretty much anytime someone was in the elevator. He resisted because he didn't like the meds. 2. My friends brother in his 30's would not take his meds and his parents had to sneak them in his food. If he missed enough doses he would eventually go raving mad into the woods and eventually be found passed out somewhere by emergency responders usually naked and injured. He resisted because he didn't like the meds. 3. My brother in laws brother was paralyzed and brain damaged from a car wreck. Yet when off meds he would run off in his wheelchair into dangerous traffic or be found passed out(and injured) from exhaustion of crawling because he went somewhere a wheelchair couldn't go and just crawled for miles. Again he didn't like the drugs.
- themanmaran 4y ago
  For all of these, I assume it's a lack of awareness of the manic state. By it's definition, the individual is going to be less cognizant/aware of their surroundings. Likely they don't have the best memory of these lapses either. I doubt in each of these cases people are making the rational choice to ditch the meds in favor of a state of "pure madness". Instead they probably get fed up with side effects, and decide that "this time won't be as bad", or "I'll just stop taking them for a day".
- dsego 4y ago
  You can get intramuscular depot injections monthly nowadays.
- kayodelycaon 4y ago
  For some people, the medication does more than just wreck their body, it takes away their identity or removes all of the color from their world. I had to learn to be a different person. (Discussed in another comment.) This is an extreme example, but imagine smashing into an artist’s home, breaking their tools, and telling them they’ll be working in a warehouse for the rest of their life. Maybe they’ll be happier working in a warehouse, but they don’t know that. Change is hard. It’s not as simple as they didn’t like the drugs. I’m fortunate to have kept my creativity. If I had lost that, I’d prefer being crazy, even knowing it would end badly.
thehappypm 4y ago
I have a super bad phobia of doctors and needles. Like, I literally pass out during a physical exam or a dental appointment in an uncontrolled panic spiral 50 mg of Zoloft later I am 100% panic attack free. But even 50mg of Zoloft (which is essentially the lowest dose of a very safe drug, and I am a large male) has side effects I dislike, and accidentally missing a dose makes me feel absolutely awful. I can hardly imagine what serious drugs do to you and the implications of them.
profstasiak 4y ago
do u mind sharing drug and dosage? Sounds really extreme. I am working as a healthcare provider but never knew sideffects can be that harsh. I guess clopazine right?

sieabahlpark 4y ago

asveikau 4y ago

My brother was on antipsychotics for about 20 years. His compliance was poor. He is homeless now and without treatment. Growing up he would tell me how terrible the medications were. I believed him, and still do to an extent. However he also identified with his illness and thought the drugs were taking away his special powers. That was a symptom. For those reading who have less experience, they sometimes call that anosognosia or lack of awareness. In the end it's a very existential thing. It's easy to wonder about identity. I had a few people in my life with this sort of illness. I developed a model where medicated, treated, and stable, that is the "normal" them, their identity. However, these people got offended by this, and engaged in behavior I would describe as identifying with symptoms. Acknowledging symptoms, no matter how evident, was tantamount to personal attacks. I think we all have issues with this in our lives. Self awareness and identity is a difficult problem. It's only when it falls far outside of norms, into extremes, that we call it a disorder. It can be very tricky to draw those lines.

jimkleiber 4y ago
I read this and I start to think about how our identities may just be stories to which we've attached, often shortcuts to summarize characteristics of behaviors. I'm thinking of it more in the romantic "friend" vs "lover" buckets, but I think it plays out a lot in the health space as well. > For those reading who have less experience, they sometimes call that anosognosia or lack of awareness. I'm fascinated to learn of this and to read more, thank you.
kdmccormick 4y ago
Yes, this is a big thing I struggled with when I was off meds. Me without meds felt so much more... "me-like" than me on meds. So when someone referred to medicated me as "normal me", it was extremely hurtful. What I had to realize is that even if "me without meds" was an existentially truer version of myself, people did not like me without meds, they did not want to be my friend, nor did they want to give me a job. That's what got me on meds, and yes, it felt really shitty at the time. Years later, I don't feel that way any more. "Me with meds" feels like me, more than ever actually. And, lots of those things I valued about "me without meds" (wit, spontaneity, high energy, creativity) came back over time as I adjusted to being medicated. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to find a med that allows them to get to that happy point. It took good healthcare, several tries, a support network, and (I assume) luck.
kayodelycaon 4y ago
My treatment caused a complete loss of self-identity. In another time, I would have been a shaman. My entire life, I had a deep spiritual connection with wolves. That's gone. All that's left of it is blank wall and confusion. This hurt deeply. I can't even begin to describe how it felt to have everything I knew about myself destroyed. I'm fortunate to have been raised Christian. That hasn't changed and it's been a welcome grounding while I work things out.
- Biganon 4y ago
  You sound extremely brave. Thank you for sharing your story, and merry Christmas in advance

bell-cot 4y ago

+100 (if I could). And similar for being sane enough to be so intent upon staying that way.

citizenpaul 4y ago

I've often been confused by reports like the OP that the person refuses meds then proceeds to descend into some sort of pure madness. How can that madness be better than the meds? Why do you think they prefer the madness? You seem to resist it do you know any reason why? I've known three people one directly and two indirectly that were lunatic level if they were off meds and all refused meds consistantly. 1. Was a guy I worked in the same dept during an early job. His thing was to start telling people that government agents were in the elevator to control your mind or something and ending out emails about it and corning people to warn them. Funny thing was it was a government job so there were government agents in the elevator pretty much anytime someone was in the elevator. He resisted because he didn't like the meds. 2. My friends brother in his 30's would not take his meds and his parents had to sneak them in his food. If he missed enough doses he would eventually go raving mad into the woods and eventually be found passed out somewhere by emergency responders usually naked and injured. He resisted because he didn't like the meds. 3. My brother in laws brother was paralyzed and brain damaged from a car wreck. Yet when off meds he would run off in his wheelchair into dangerous traffic or be found passed out(and injured) from exhaustion of crawling because he went somewhere a wheelchair couldn't go and just crawled for miles. Again he didn't like the drugs.

themanmaran 4y ago
For all of these, I assume it's a lack of awareness of the manic state. By it's definition, the individual is going to be less cognizant/aware of their surroundings. Likely they don't have the best memory of these lapses either. I doubt in each of these cases people are making the rational choice to ditch the meds in favor of a state of "pure madness". Instead they probably get fed up with side effects, and decide that "this time won't be as bad", or "I'll just stop taking them for a day".
dsego 4y ago
You can get intramuscular depot injections monthly nowadays.
kayodelycaon 4y ago
For some people, the medication does more than just wreck their body, it takes away their identity or removes all of the color from their world. I had to learn to be a different person. (Discussed in another comment.) This is an extreme example, but imagine smashing into an artist’s home, breaking their tools, and telling them they’ll be working in a warehouse for the rest of their life. Maybe they’ll be happier working in a warehouse, but they don’t know that. Change is hard. It’s not as simple as they didn’t like the drugs. I’m fortunate to have kept my creativity. If I had lost that, I’d prefer being crazy, even knowing it would end badly.

thehappypm 4y ago

I have a super bad phobia of doctors and needles. Like, I literally pass out during a physical exam or a dental appointment in an uncontrolled panic spiral 50 mg of Zoloft later I am 100% panic attack free. But even 50mg of Zoloft (which is essentially the lowest dose of a very safe drug, and I am a large male) has side effects I dislike, and accidentally missing a dose makes me feel absolutely awful. I can hardly imagine what serious drugs do to you and the implications of them.

profstasiak 4y ago

do u mind sharing drug and dosage? Sounds really extreme. I am working as a healthcare provider but never knew sideffects can be that harsh. I guess clopazine right?