Been through something similar (a bit younger). I am still going through it I suppose...but here is what I think. You can put labels on yourself like: professi

Been through something similar (a bit younger). I am still going through it I suppose...but here is what I think. You can put labels on yourself like: professional network is dead, single loser, prime is gone (this is all stuff I have thought too)...that stuff may be true, but you are shutting yourself down. You aren't even waiting for people to say no, you are saying no to yourself. Ultimately, you can't change what has been. I know what it feels like: you see someone in the news, you look and see how old they are, was their success continued through their life...but you are you. Maybe no-one has ever done it but does that mean you can't? Don't ask people online (do you want someone on here to tell you it is impossible so you don't feel as bad?), find out for yourself. You say you lie to yourself...but you also quite critical of yourself too. Have you accepted what has already happened? You have struggled. That is it. You may get rejected if you try move past this, people will tell you no but if you are just waiting for validation passively...you will never get anywhere. This will get worse. The way out could come tomorrow. Saying that you need to move to X or you need to do Y first...it is just an excuse for your current situation.