Bro you are are on the right forum. My family has a healthy dose of depression passed down. I can read it in every word you're writing. It's just a chemical

Bro you are are on the right forum. My family has a healthy dose of depression passed down. I can read it in every word you're writing. It's just a chemical reaction, you can defeat it but it will be tough. Achievement cures depression. Any achievement. Dead time exacerbates depression - i.e. watching TV, playing mindless games, porn, hell even reading sometimes (if it's trash and you're just reading to escape your reality - obviously lots of reading can be good). Quit escaping your life because it's shitty or it will remain shitty. So try this, set a small goal for yourself, either fitness or professional (i.e. a training course online, Udemy, etc. maybe refresh your BI skills with some modern Big Data type stuff). And just give that 100%. Knock it out, get the certificate, lose 10 pounds. Just one small win. BTW I work in that field a bit - it's gotten so much more fun in the last 10 years than just running Tableau over and over. Cloud services have made analytics just amazing. Start there. The rest will come as you continue to set small goals and string wins together. Don't worry about what happened already. Shit happened, now you just adapt and overcome. Never quit.