As a 42 year old full-time undergraduate student having recently resurfaced from a deep depression that cost me my job of 11 years (which ended up being for the

As a 42 year old full-time undergraduate student having recently resurfaced from a deep depression that cost me my job of 11 years (which ended up being for the best, largely,) I can relate to what you're going through. As so many other people have said, you are probably depressed. It's not your fault, you didn't cause it, you can't just 'stop' being depressed by trying to do things like you aren't depressed, and unless you address your depression, you simply won't be successful addressing anything else. > I know the best of my life is behind me I assure you this is false unless you deliberately make it so. Happiness isn't the opposite of depression: vitality is. From depression, the good times seem like a distant relic that you no longer deserve or are capable of. That is the barrier between you and the good times-- not age, or time. Drugs could help you start turning things around in weeks. Even better combined with either talk therapy to keep you on track, or CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which gives you customized, situation-specific mental tools to change your behavior) if talk therapy/emotional deep dives makes you too uncomfortable. If you'd prefer not to take antidepressants, CBT alone is fantastically effective. (Seriously. Lots of peer-reviewed research.) > no vices at all other than severe procrastination and a masterful ability to lie to myself. You might want to ask whoever you're getting treated by if you might have a condition for which depression is a frequent comorbidity, because it sounds like you have trouble with executive functioning. The EF problems associated with ADHD, for example, quite frequently manifest themselves as extreme procrastination. All of this stuff is eminently treatable, with or without drugs, with or without emotional deep-dives of talk therapy. While professional guidance is essential, what you'll get is a set of tools and strategies to keep the ship right and fix it when it goes wrong (which is allll part of the process. Don't beat yourself up.) I am completely confident you can regain a functional, fulfilling, enjoyable adulthood as I did.