1. You need to see a therapist. It will help you immensely and probably isn't that expensive. It wasn't for me. With a decent therapist, it'll start paying for

1. You need to see a therapist. It will help you immensely and probably isn't that expensive. It wasn't for me. With a decent therapist, it'll start paying for itself by the second or third visit. 2. Know that the rest of us your age have or are going through the same thing as you. I figure it's our mid-life crisis. Maybe we need a private support group Discord or something. Me personally, I've detached from it. I don't ignore it. I recognize what it is and evaluate it's lessons, but I don't allow it to affect my core state, sometimes that's hard, but I work to get back on track as soon as possible. I got married and had (three kids) late in life. It's not too late for you at 43. 3. Family deaths are a natural part of our lives as we get older. 4. It sounds like you've had an accomplished life. You've accomplished a good education and an advanced-level career. I've had the same exact thoughts myself, and then one time, I listed out all the many accomplishments or neat things I've experienced in my life and I kinda keep that as a reminder. 5. Know that whether the best of your life is behind you is up to you. Get therapy and get back on track. You need to take action immediately, without delay, not after the holidays and find a therapist with decent reviews and commit to one visit right now. PS: For those even older people reading: you can turn your life around at 50, 60, 70, or 80, as well. Life is a gift -- even the hard parts, enjoy it, until you can't.