Yes, as others have already said, please seek professional help right away. I wish you the best, and please hang in there. It does get better. At 36, my mother

Yes, as others have already said, please seek professional help right away. I wish you the best, and please hang in there. It does get better. At 36, my mother, with whom I had a complex relationship, passed away, I separated from my wife of 10 years, I quit my career as a chip designer in the hopes of finding something more satisfying to me, and I lost many friends as a result of all of this. At the time, things couldn't seem to get any lower for me. I did spend a lot of time with a therapist and I worked very hard taking care of myself through all of this. Fast forward a decade and a half and I couldn't be happier. Please hang in there and spend some time on healing and getting better. Boa sorte.