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Yes. I turned my life around at 43. Single, obsolete tech skills, lots of debt, personal issues. Began with taking a genuine inventory of my life and how I func

by ogou 4y ago

Yes. I turned my life around at 43. Single, obsolete tech skills, lots of debt, personal issues. Began with taking a genuine inventory of my life and how I function, not just how I felt. I picked a constructive and structured approach to that, which looked a lot like CBT therapy but was something else. It was a life reset, clearing out all the baggage. It was very difficult but incremental and genuine over time. After the personal part, I levelled up my tech with some commercial online courses. When I began the career pivot, there was a lot of ageism and ghosting. Eventually I got a foothold and was on my way. As for the family and relationships, I can tell you that I got a lot of attention from women once I made all those changes. There are so many looking for someone who is at least trying to handle their lives. I hear it all the time. Even being older, I get curious early 30s women who want families. Now in my early 50s, my life is so much better. In no way do I feel my best days are behind me.

isthisthingon99 4y ago
This is the way. Congrats bud.
flybrand 4y ago
We can’t control if we find the right person - so control the things we can. Creating that confidence leads to a more confident exterior which is attractive to others!
mdtancsa 4y ago
Very nice to hear! Way to go!!
soheil 4y ago
Great outlook. This is literally true though with modern medicine and standard of living at many countries. If you take care of yourself, stay fit, fix your brain life only gets better. If you're a pissed off 25 year who can't get laid on a constant basis vs a contend 50 year old who has sorted their life, I'd take the latter any day of the week.
davidjhall 4y ago
What commercial classes did you take to level up? Were they Coursera, Udacity or university classes?
- ogou 4y ago
  I was trying to learn bankable React, but ended up learning much more. Udacity for the first Typescript and React courses, but they weren't made very well. I started (gasp) reading the documentation for many libraries and followed a few rabbit holes. A couple of months completing official tutorials I got lost and frustrated. What put me over the top was a Frontend Masters subscription. By far the best value and flat monthly rate for all. Superior video courses for React/Typescript, but also advanced courses lower in the stack for Node, MongoDb, and an advanced javascript course. They have others I want to go back to, like web audio. I also took the dev interview and algorithm testing courses, which were super helpful.
bogeholm 4y ago
Kudos buddy!
vegabook 4y ago
I'm 52. My life was a total mess, and I'm talking messed up relationships with my family, smoking like a chimney, debts, drinking and more . I cannot agree more that it is not the destination that gets you out of it, it's the courage to start the journey. Once you face the realities, deeply own them, and then genuinely change your day-to-day behaviour, things miraculously start happening even before you've cleared out all the problems. IE: your point about someone showing genuine honesty and courage in trying to get a grip on their lives. People really respond to that. Personally, I'm lucky that throughout the above, I did keep up on technology. But another discipline I had to learn was not to give into my natural curiosity to try to learn everything that was interesting to me (Ocaml, Vulkan, Elixir, Yggdrasil Network, Rust, IOT, Matrix Protocol, Blender etc etc etc) all at the same time, but to stick to one or two and really persevere on them (I chose Rust). IE stop dreaming and giving in to curiosity, and learn one or two hard skills really well. T-shaped skills basically. No reason not to stay curious - helps you decide on the next vertical bar in the T. But don't waste too much time on breadth - also focus on depth so that at your later age, you'll still feel high confidence in yourself in this area even against the younger guns.
- robertlagrant 4y ago
  > IE stop dreaming and giving in to curiosity, and learn one or two hard skills really well. T-shaped skills basically. No reason not to stay curious - helps you decide on the next vertical bar in the T. But don't waste too much time on breadth - also focus on depth so that at your later age, you'll still feel high confidence in yourself in this area even against the younger guns. This is exactly it. Finding something on which you can speak with authority is extremely valuable. Every third graduate coming out of university has been taught to sound confident from day 1. You can provide substance.
spacemadness 4y ago
Thanks for sharing that for the OP. The narratives we create in our minds to explain the world can be a huge source of suffering and act as giant barriers to any improvements we can make. “It’s too late because of X.” “The best years are behind me since I reached 40.” etc. I know this from experience in battling my own demons. Therapy can be a huge help here if OP can find the right therapist.
tigeroil 4y ago
The part about attention from women is very, very true. Obviously relationships are hardly the only thing that matters in life, but it amazes me how much more attention I get from women since I got my life together. Turns out a man who's figured things out and is doing reasonably well is very attractive.
- rchaud 4y ago
  The eyes never lie. Neither does body language; posture, tone of voice, conversational flow. All of those things change for the better when a person is genuinely content and secure with who and what they are.
  - loa_in_ 4y ago
    I guess it makes sense that the best outward facing thing is a minimum viable working thing. All said with all the things that one can't see in others, in mind.
  - docmars 4y ago
    I think for me, the hardest part is reconciling two things: 1) maybe being _too content_ or satisfied with life's mundanity — the idea of being settled down and spending most of my free time at home with my dog, playing video games, reading news, watching interesting videos, and occasionally reading a good book — with the occasional social gathering with friends, whether that's hosting a small party, or going to a fun local festival or event, and 2) finding a woman who is okay with what could be considered a relatively "boring" lifestyle. Most I end up meeting and dating are stir-crazy, I find later. I obviously enjoy getting out of the house, but it's seldom. I go on hikes, explore local events a small few times a year, and play in a recreational volleyball league once or twice per year in seasons. Despite all of this, I once had a woman tell me she "doesn't want to live on the couch" in response to my overall sedentary lifestyle. That's completely valid of her to think that, but I for one don't mind how much time I spend at home engaging with mostly solitary hobbies while I'm not working. I'm also pretty stubborn and unmotivated despite my overall contentment and satisfaction with life. I want to find a wife who is content with a mostly simple, settled life with a little adventure sprinkled in between, but not so much I start to feel home sick, and it doesn't take much. XD
baandang 4y ago
To me, happiness as we age is making sure that we still have dreams and goals. My goal is to make my 50s the most exciting and interesting decade of life and then try to top it in my 60s. Even if I don't reach the goal that is besides the point. I am also though not acting out a romance novel with a wife, kids and living happily ever after. Disney is not going to make a movie that the prince gets divorced and lives happily ever after being single , no kids, and the freedom to do whatever they want.
TurkishPoptart 4y ago
Where do you end up getting the attention from women? In public, at the gym, or elsewhere? Asking for a friend.

by ogou 4y ago

isthisthingon99 4y ago

This is the way. Congrats bud.

flybrand 4y ago

We can’t control if we find the right person - so control the things we can. Creating that confidence leads to a more confident exterior which is attractive to others!

mdtancsa 4y ago

Very nice to hear! Way to go!!

soheil 4y ago

Great outlook. This is literally true though with modern medicine and standard of living at many countries. If you take care of yourself, stay fit, fix your brain life only gets better. If you're a pissed off 25 year who can't get laid on a constant basis vs a contend 50 year old who has sorted their life, I'd take the latter any day of the week.

davidjhall 4y ago

What commercial classes did you take to level up? Were they Coursera, Udacity or university classes?

ogou 4y ago
I was trying to learn bankable React, but ended up learning much more. Udacity for the first Typescript and React courses, but they weren't made very well. I started (gasp) reading the documentation for many libraries and followed a few rabbit holes. A couple of months completing official tutorials I got lost and frustrated. What put me over the top was a Frontend Masters subscription. By far the best value and flat monthly rate for all. Superior video courses for React/Typescript, but also advanced courses lower in the stack for Node, MongoDb, and an advanced javascript course. They have others I want to go back to, like web audio. I also took the dev interview and algorithm testing courses, which were super helpful.

bogeholm 4y ago

Kudos buddy!

vegabook 4y ago

I'm 52. My life was a total mess, and I'm talking messed up relationships with my family, smoking like a chimney, debts, drinking and more . I cannot agree more that it is not the destination that gets you out of it, it's the courage to start the journey. Once you face the realities, deeply own them, and then genuinely change your day-to-day behaviour, things miraculously start happening even before you've cleared out all the problems. IE: your point about someone showing genuine honesty and courage in trying to get a grip on their lives. People really respond to that. Personally, I'm lucky that throughout the above, I did keep up on technology. But another discipline I had to learn was not to give into my natural curiosity to try to learn everything that was interesting to me (Ocaml, Vulkan, Elixir, Yggdrasil Network, Rust, IOT, Matrix Protocol, Blender etc etc etc) all at the same time, but to stick to one or two and really persevere on them (I chose Rust). IE stop dreaming and giving in to curiosity, and learn one or two hard skills really well. T-shaped skills basically. No reason not to stay curious - helps you decide on the next vertical bar in the T. But don't waste too much time on breadth - also focus on depth so that at your later age, you'll still feel high confidence in yourself in this area even against the younger guns.

robertlagrant 4y ago
> IE stop dreaming and giving in to curiosity, and learn one or two hard skills really well. T-shaped skills basically. No reason not to stay curious - helps you decide on the next vertical bar in the T. But don't waste too much time on breadth - also focus on depth so that at your later age, you'll still feel high confidence in yourself in this area even against the younger guns. This is exactly it. Finding something on which you can speak with authority is extremely valuable. Every third graduate coming out of university has been taught to sound confident from day 1. You can provide substance.

spacemadness 4y ago

Thanks for sharing that for the OP. The narratives we create in our minds to explain the world can be a huge source of suffering and act as giant barriers to any improvements we can make. “It’s too late because of X.” “The best years are behind me since I reached 40.” etc. I know this from experience in battling my own demons. Therapy can be a huge help here if OP can find the right therapist.

tigeroil 4y ago

The part about attention from women is very, very true. Obviously relationships are hardly the only thing that matters in life, but it amazes me how much more attention I get from women since I got my life together. Turns out a man who's figured things out and is doing reasonably well is very attractive.

rchaud 4y ago
The eyes never lie. Neither does body language; posture, tone of voice, conversational flow. All of those things change for the better when a person is genuinely content and secure with who and what they are.
- loa_in_ 4y ago
  I guess it makes sense that the best outward facing thing is a minimum viable working thing. All said with all the things that one can't see in others, in mind.
- docmars 4y ago
  I think for me, the hardest part is reconciling two things: 1) maybe being _too content_ or satisfied with life's mundanity — the idea of being settled down and spending most of my free time at home with my dog, playing video games, reading news, watching interesting videos, and occasionally reading a good book — with the occasional social gathering with friends, whether that's hosting a small party, or going to a fun local festival or event, and 2) finding a woman who is okay with what could be considered a relatively "boring" lifestyle. Most I end up meeting and dating are stir-crazy, I find later. I obviously enjoy getting out of the house, but it's seldom. I go on hikes, explore local events a small few times a year, and play in a recreational volleyball league once or twice per year in seasons. Despite all of this, I once had a woman tell me she "doesn't want to live on the couch" in response to my overall sedentary lifestyle. That's completely valid of her to think that, but I for one don't mind how much time I spend at home engaging with mostly solitary hobbies while I'm not working. I'm also pretty stubborn and unmotivated despite my overall contentment and satisfaction with life. I want to find a wife who is content with a mostly simple, settled life with a little adventure sprinkled in between, but not so much I start to feel home sick, and it doesn't take much. XD

baandang 4y ago

To me, happiness as we age is making sure that we still have dreams and goals. My goal is to make my 50s the most exciting and interesting decade of life and then try to top it in my 60s. Even if I don't reach the goal that is besides the point. I am also though not acting out a romance novel with a wife, kids and living happily ever after. Disney is not going to make a movie that the prince gets divorced and lives happily ever after being single , no kids, and the freedom to do whatever they want.

TurkishPoptart 4y ago

Where do you end up getting the attention from women? In public, at the gym, or elsewhere? Asking for a friend.