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"Honesty" of this sort is nothing but an ego trip. You walk around like the cock of the walk, blurting out whatever little thought crosses your mind. As if you

"Honesty" of this sort is nothing but an ego trip. You walk around like the cock of the walk, blurting out whatever little thought crosses your mind. As if you think it, it must be golden. Well, here's some honesty for you: Nobody gives a shit. Your opinions aren't interesting, and nobody cares. And if you want to have friends, you'll have to learn to act like an adult. An adult knows that compassion, sympathy, empathy, love, and tact are far more valuable than "honesty." These traits, which are proven (research!) to be the basis of strong, long-lasting and warm relationships, are all about the OTHER person, and rightfully so. Make it all about you, on the other hand, and your precious little opinions, and your "honesty," will simply show the world that you're an arrested child in an adult body, crying out for attention. When you're an adult and you actually need to deliver an uncomfortable truth to someone you love -- for their benefit, not because you want to -- then you have to do it with compassion, sympathy, empathy, love, and tact. That means that before you even open your mouth, or think of how to say it, you ask yourself hard & long, "Will this actually help them? Will this actually help them change? Will this be motivational? Will this DO anything for them?" -- then if the answer is anything but "Yes, absolutely," you keep your damn mouth shut. Nobody in the history of the world was helped by some egotistical, overgrown child saying "I think you're fat."

blindhippo 15y ago
I up-voted you because yes, you are correct and I fear people who read the article won't get it. But the article was written to highlight this - when you state honest opinions you ARE being a selfish prick. There is a point in the article when it is suggested to write "I resent it when" or "I appreciate it when" - the choice between the two is where ego can interfere. If all you communicate is resentments (as the article plays up for entertainment), people will come to view you as a negative dingus not worth talking to. But communicating honest, positive statements is what people should aim for - only going for negative when it absolutely needs to be said.
jodrellblank 15y ago
nothing but an ego trip. You walk around like the cock of the walk. Nobody gives a shit. Your opinions aren't interesting, and nobody cares. your precious little opinions, and your "honesty," will simply show the world that you're an arrested child in an adult body, crying out for attention. Pot, meet kettle.
- ahoyhere 15y ago
  Pot, meet kettle. This is a discussion forum for the purpose of discussing the validity of both an article and people's opinions. This is not a dinner party or a coffee meet up between two friends. You don't know me, I don't know you, and in my comment, "you" is abstract. This is nothing like the same.
neutronicus 15y ago
There's also the possibility that you're biased towards uncomfortable "truths", and that what you are saying is not what everyone is thinking. In this case, instead of admiring your courage and forthrightness, people just don't like you very much.
getsat 15y ago
> Well, here's some honesty for you: Nobody gives a shit. "All generalisations are false, including this one." -- Mark Twain
AnonDisclosure 15y ago
"you have to do it with compassion, sympathy, empathy, love, and tact". I want to share this anonymously: my girlfriend has been steadily getting fatter, and I've always tried to be honest. She once asked me "do you like me as I am?" referring to her body, and I made the mistake of telling her "yes, but I wouldn't want you to get fatter" (she was chubby at the time). Since then, she put on 60 pounds; one day our lovemaking wasn't particularly enthusiastic, and she asked why - I made the mistake of replying with brutal honesty (though I tried to soften it) that her body didn't turn me on as much as before. She now says she'll never be able to forgive me or to forget it (even though I've never referred to her weight anymore). And being fat for someone who wasn't before and is sensitive is quite sensitive - honesty doesn't help. A little girl told her (like little girls might innocently do): "you're fat" and she's been awful for two days. On a related issue, if someone can direct me to couples counseling online I'll be very grateful (I already go to a therapist once a week, but it's not enough). A startup in that space maybe? :)

blindhippo 15y ago

I up-voted you because yes, you are correct and I fear people who read the article won't get it. But the article was written to highlight this - when you state honest opinions you ARE being a selfish prick. There is a point in the article when it is suggested to write "I resent it when" or "I appreciate it when" - the choice between the two is where ego can interfere. If all you communicate is resentments (as the article plays up for entertainment), people will come to view you as a negative dingus not worth talking to. But communicating honest, positive statements is what people should aim for - only going for negative when it absolutely needs to be said.

jodrellblank 15y ago

nothing but an ego trip. You walk around like the cock of the walk. Nobody gives a shit. Your opinions aren't interesting, and nobody cares. your precious little opinions, and your "honesty," will simply show the world that you're an arrested child in an adult body, crying out for attention. Pot, meet kettle.

ahoyhere 15y ago
Pot, meet kettle. This is a discussion forum for the purpose of discussing the validity of both an article and people's opinions. This is not a dinner party or a coffee meet up between two friends. You don't know me, I don't know you, and in my comment, "you" is abstract. This is nothing like the same.

neutronicus 15y ago

There's also the possibility that you're biased towards uncomfortable "truths", and that what you are saying is not what everyone is thinking. In this case, instead of admiring your courage and forthrightness, people just don't like you very much.

getsat 15y ago

> Well, here's some honesty for you: Nobody gives a shit. "All generalisations are false, including this one." -- Mark Twain

AnonDisclosure 15y ago

"you have to do it with compassion, sympathy, empathy, love, and tact". I want to share this anonymously: my girlfriend has been steadily getting fatter, and I've always tried to be honest. She once asked me "do you like me as I am?" referring to her body, and I made the mistake of telling her "yes, but I wouldn't want you to get fatter" (she was chubby at the time). Since then, she put on 60 pounds; one day our lovemaking wasn't particularly enthusiastic, and she asked why - I made the mistake of replying with brutal honesty (though I tried to soften it) that her body didn't turn me on as much as before. She now says she'll never be able to forgive me or to forget it (even though I've never referred to her weight anymore). And being fat for someone who wasn't before and is sensitive is quite sensitive - honesty doesn't help. A little girl told her (like little girls might innocently do): "you're fat" and she's been awful for two days. On a related issue, if someone can direct me to couples counseling online I'll be very grateful (I already go to a therapist once a week, but it's not enough). A startup in that space maybe? :)