12 ms·

What I do when I feel like giving up (2015)

122 points by sherilm 4y ago

shanebellone 4y ago
"My job is to do the work and let the world decide." This is a particularly powerful line and something I will certainly reflect on.
jameal 4y ago
It's funny how when I'm thriving it seems impossible to relate to the feeling of wanting to give up. And when I feel like giving up it seems impossible to think that I could ever be thriving. The state of mind can be so powerful. But it's all temporary. I think accepting that both thriving and discomfort are temporary has made me more resilient.
- maxverse 4y ago
  Just wanted to echo this sentiment. Here's another blog post that helped me reflect on this, from Raptitude (a blog sometimes shared here): https://www.raptitude.com/2009/03/how-to-keep-bad-moods-from-taking-you-over/ https://www.raptitude.com/2009/03/how-to-keep-bad-moods-from...
nigamanth 4y ago
The fact that the author had nothing to write about, but then turned it around by writing about the fact that there was nothing to write about shows how consistent the author is for writing his blog. That itself is a quality to admire, keep the hustle going man!
Tade0 4y ago
This is more or less in line with what Dr. Alok Kanojia of HealthyGamerGG is saying. The feeling of wanting to give up is an evolutionary adaptation to not engage in activities that have a low probability of success. Unfortunately stuff like filing taxes or getting to work on time are relatively recent things, so our minds can't estimate the benefits of that intuitively. One way to get out of this is to think about the outcome. It's easier to do something if the end result will be satisfying.
- johnfn 4y ago
  This doesn't seem to ring true for me. For instance, OP say he has written blog posts for 939 days consistently. That seems like a very high probability of success. How then are they thinking of giving up?
  - svnt 4y ago
    Perhaps the author did not see the follower counts they expected after nearly three years of blogging. As far as it ringing true, perhaps your cognition is more derived toward consistent work than GP’s. It is a good thing to have neurodiversity.
  - Tade0 4y ago
    Not in the medical field, so don't assume competence, but: What is a blog post to a hunter-gatherer? Nothing that has a clear link to the next meal, the feeling of safety or finding a mate. Any feeling of accomplishment that a person gets from that is a product of culture, not something innate. Unfortunately that's just not enough to work every time.
SeanAnderson 4y ago
Showing up counts for a lot. Grit is a good, admirable trait which correlates heavily with success. I don't feel like leveraging grit works in all situations, though? Do others feel differently? For me, there are times I want to program, show up to program, and then fail to dictate the movement of pixels of light appropriately with my critical thoughts. It's not for a lack of grit. I could sit for hours making attempts to gain headway, but only build in frustration as I become increasingly aware of my failure to drop into flow state. The brain is a muscle, decision fatigue is real, and your body imposes safeguards on how much you're allowed to crunch it. There are some tasks which do not progress without a sufficiently critical mindset and require rest. You can do other, less mentally demanding tasks, and this will satiate some of your hunger to create, but, just as cleaning the house isn't a suitable replacement for that actually important chore you're procrastinating on, I don't feel that writing a blog post that just says, "I showed up." is sufficient to say you're continuing to progress in your own, personal character development? Happy to be told I'm being overly cynical here. I think I am and just need more coffee, but curious to hear other's thoughts.
- shanebellone 4y ago
  I do chores when I'm stuck. I strategically engage diffuse thinking to overcome my current obstacle. More often than not, I sit back down with a solution. Give it a shot :)
  - rg111 4y ago
    Yes. Breaks are wondrous in problem-solving. When stuck (and when not), take breaks and do other stuff. In ~95% of the cases, solutions come to you. In the rest 5%, you reach out to someone who can help. Breaks are miracles in problem-solving. And I mean not only in case of programming/math, but also social situations.
  - JustSomeNobody 4y ago
    This is one of the productivity boosts WFH has over the office. Two birds with one problem to work out.
  - 4y ago
wintermutestwin 4y ago
The mind as a "suggestion engine" is an interesting take. On one hand, it supports this idea that the mind is a separate thing from our "true self," but it at least acknowledges that some of the suggestions are valuable. Contrast to my pseudobuddhaguru friends who think that the mind is 100% ego-driven and that, if they could only silence this alien voice in their head, their "true self" will take over and they will achieve enlightenment.
Existenceblinks 4y ago
However, occasionally, showing up with bad mood will make things worse. Most of the daily life activities will require some interaction with human while producing whatever work. That's the resistance of showing up. "showing up" is close but it's only you are ready to fight the inner resistance.
manv1 4y ago
TL; DR: Don't! This reminds me of a line from Tom Lehrer: "if you can't communicate, the least you can do is shut up."
phforms 4y ago
What I struggle with the most is not so much the struggle itself, but the repetition of the struggle. When I overcome the urge of giving up, it feels like a bitter-sweet victory because I know that with great certainty I will have to repeat this fight over and over again in the future and it will be just as painful. Sometimes when I don’t see any progress, this thought is what really brings me down. It feels pointless and makes me want to do more enjoyable things. One of the hardest things in life is to recognize when you really should give up, because you are holding on to something just because you want to persevere to reach some questionable goal in the future, but in the end it just makes your present more miserable. Of course, this is not to say that there are goals that are really worth the sweat and tears.
navs 4y ago
'I feel like giving up' vs 'I give up'. Reframing that thought is powerful.
defaultcompany 4y ago
This guy is driving himself like he's a machine. When he feels like giving up he pushes on the gas and forces himself to do it anyway. My take is he needs to loosen up and take a break, maybe rethink his inflexible definition of success. > What is life, if not the sum of a hundred thousand daily battles and tiny decisions to either gut it out or give it up? This is such a cynical and miserable way to think about life. Relax, enjoy yourself, find some pleasure in some simple things which aren't tied to "success". You don't have to live like this.
- gumby 4y ago
  But ability to perform (which is not just a work thing) also appears to benefit from practice. I was interested to learn the Roger Zelazny went to his typewriter every day and refused to leave until he had written at least a page. I imagine many of those "single page" days did not result in anything I read. But still, his output was definitely worth reading.
xyzzy4747 4y ago
It makes sense to give up when the end goal doesn't justify the work involved.

122 points by sherilm 4y ago

"My job is to do the work and let the world decide." This is a particularly powerful line and something I will certainly reflect on.

jameal 4y ago

It's funny how when I'm thriving it seems impossible to relate to the feeling of wanting to give up. And when I feel like giving up it seems impossible to think that I could ever be thriving. The state of mind can be so powerful. But it's all temporary. I think accepting that both thriving and discomfort are temporary has made me more resilient.

maxverse 4y ago
Just wanted to echo this sentiment. Here's another blog post that helped me reflect on this, from Raptitude (a blog sometimes shared here): https://www.raptitude.com/2009/03/how-to-keep-bad-moods-from-taking-you-over/ https://www.raptitude.com/2009/03/how-to-keep-bad-moods-from...

nigamanth 4y ago

The fact that the author had nothing to write about, but then turned it around by writing about the fact that there was nothing to write about shows how consistent the author is for writing his blog. That itself is a quality to admire, keep the hustle going man!

Tade0 4y ago

This is more or less in line with what Dr. Alok Kanojia of HealthyGamerGG is saying. The feeling of wanting to give up is an evolutionary adaptation to not engage in activities that have a low probability of success. Unfortunately stuff like filing taxes or getting to work on time are relatively recent things, so our minds can't estimate the benefits of that intuitively. One way to get out of this is to think about the outcome. It's easier to do something if the end result will be satisfying.

johnfn 4y ago
This doesn't seem to ring true for me. For instance, OP say he has written blog posts for 939 days consistently. That seems like a very high probability of success. How then are they thinking of giving up?
- svnt 4y ago
  Perhaps the author did not see the follower counts they expected after nearly three years of blogging. As far as it ringing true, perhaps your cognition is more derived toward consistent work than GP’s. It is a good thing to have neurodiversity.
- Tade0 4y ago
  Not in the medical field, so don't assume competence, but: What is a blog post to a hunter-gatherer? Nothing that has a clear link to the next meal, the feeling of safety or finding a mate. Any feeling of accomplishment that a person gets from that is a product of culture, not something innate. Unfortunately that's just not enough to work every time.

SeanAnderson 4y ago

Showing up counts for a lot. Grit is a good, admirable trait which correlates heavily with success. I don't feel like leveraging grit works in all situations, though? Do others feel differently? For me, there are times I want to program, show up to program, and then fail to dictate the movement of pixels of light appropriately with my critical thoughts. It's not for a lack of grit. I could sit for hours making attempts to gain headway, but only build in frustration as I become increasingly aware of my failure to drop into flow state. The brain is a muscle, decision fatigue is real, and your body imposes safeguards on how much you're allowed to crunch it. There are some tasks which do not progress without a sufficiently critical mindset and require rest. You can do other, less mentally demanding tasks, and this will satiate some of your hunger to create, but, just as cleaning the house isn't a suitable replacement for that actually important chore you're procrastinating on, I don't feel that writing a blog post that just says, "I showed up." is sufficient to say you're continuing to progress in your own, personal character development? Happy to be told I'm being overly cynical here. I think I am and just need more coffee, but curious to hear other's thoughts.

shanebellone 4y ago
I do chores when I'm stuck. I strategically engage diffuse thinking to overcome my current obstacle. More often than not, I sit back down with a solution. Give it a shot :)
- rg111 4y ago
  Yes. Breaks are wondrous in problem-solving. When stuck (and when not), take breaks and do other stuff. In ~95% of the cases, solutions come to you. In the rest 5%, you reach out to someone who can help. Breaks are miracles in problem-solving. And I mean not only in case of programming/math, but also social situations.
- JustSomeNobody 4y ago
  This is one of the productivity boosts WFH has over the office. Two birds with one problem to work out.
- 4y ago

wintermutestwin 4y ago

The mind as a "suggestion engine" is an interesting take. On one hand, it supports this idea that the mind is a separate thing from our "true self," but it at least acknowledges that some of the suggestions are valuable. Contrast to my pseudobuddhaguru friends who think that the mind is 100% ego-driven and that, if they could only silence this alien voice in their head, their "true self" will take over and they will achieve enlightenment.

Existenceblinks 4y ago

However, occasionally, showing up with bad mood will make things worse. Most of the daily life activities will require some interaction with human while producing whatever work. That's the resistance of showing up. "showing up" is close but it's only you are ready to fight the inner resistance.

manv1 4y ago

TL; DR: Don't! This reminds me of a line from Tom Lehrer: "if you can't communicate, the least you can do is shut up."

phforms 4y ago

What I struggle with the most is not so much the struggle itself, but the repetition of the struggle. When I overcome the urge of giving up, it feels like a bitter-sweet victory because I know that with great certainty I will have to repeat this fight over and over again in the future and it will be just as painful. Sometimes when I don’t see any progress, this thought is what really brings me down. It feels pointless and makes me want to do more enjoyable things. One of the hardest things in life is to recognize when you really should give up, because you are holding on to something just because you want to persevere to reach some questionable goal in the future, but in the end it just makes your present more miserable. Of course, this is not to say that there are goals that are really worth the sweat and tears.

navs 4y ago

'I feel like giving up' vs 'I give up'. Reframing that thought is powerful.

defaultcompany 4y ago

This guy is driving himself like he's a machine. When he feels like giving up he pushes on the gas and forces himself to do it anyway. My take is he needs to loosen up and take a break, maybe rethink his inflexible definition of success. > What is life, if not the sum of a hundred thousand daily battles and tiny decisions to either gut it out or give it up? This is such a cynical and miserable way to think about life. Relax, enjoy yourself, find some pleasure in some simple things which aren't tied to "success". You don't have to live like this.

gumby 4y ago
But ability to perform (which is not just a work thing) also appears to benefit from practice. I was interested to learn the Roger Zelazny went to his typewriter every day and refused to leave until he had written at least a page. I imagine many of those "single page" days did not result in anything I read. But still, his output was definitely worth reading.

xyzzy4747 4y ago

It makes sense to give up when the end goal doesn't justify the work involved.