I have intrusive thoughts. When I try to phantasize something to calm myself down for sleep, I often end up thinking about something embarrassing or hurtful f

I have intrusive thoughts. When I try to phantasize something to calm myself down for sleep, I often end up thinking about something embarrassing or hurtful from the past. I can't control it, it just happens and when I notice it, I alread ruminates some time about it and don't know how I got there. But besides that, I don't have problems to visualize things in my mind. I just have to do it consciously, most of the time I think in concepts.