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This kind of signaling is the reason why I ended up voluntarily with no friends in my mid 30s, down from a pretty active social life in my 20s knowing hundreds

This kind of signaling is the reason why I ended up voluntarily with no friends in my mid 30s, down from a pretty active social life in my 20s knowing hundreds of people and regularly hanging out with many dozens, mostly in the Bay Area but also in Europe, where I’m originally from. As people get older, I noticed they just can’t stop flashing how successful they are, how they can afford this or that, and suddenly everything becomes a financial/status competition. People becoming small contract freelancers and flaunting to you how they are now “CEO and entrepreneur, what about you?”. One time, after a lucky IPO having been at the company for less than 2 years, I was told by a friend who was typically present in my weekly social life, and with whom I shared a lot of fun experiences in my 20s: “why do you work so hard rather than choosing a good pre IPO company and stay at the bottom and chill and retire in a couple years?”. No shit. That was the last straw. I voted with my feet and I am overall happier in a life of solitude.

deebosong 4y ago
I'm kinda like this as well. I'm not a misanthrope, and still enjoy the company of people. But. I used to status-jockey and be unconsciously and consciously obsessed with all of that, no matter the arena/ context/ subculture, etc. But doing a lot of inner work and unearthing what my core drives/ motives/ needs were, a lot of that status-jockeying and wanting to be in the in-group to feel this existential sense of acceptance and security started to come into focus, and a lot of old friendships became revealed as insecurity/ fear based (on both parties). And trying to introduce new paradigms to old friends became sort of the last-ditch effort to try to salvage relationships that were built on shaky foundation. It also made me look back on when people tried to speak truth into my beliefs when I was still caught-up in wanting to be relevant and seen as high-status & outwardly respectable, and how I couldn't hear what people were saying. I still wanna give people a chance, though, but accept them for where they communicate they are at and leave em alone if they're deep in that status-chasing game, and have no desire to explore getting out of that mess. There are still people out there who want to enjoy life and find meaning on other terms than getting validation from an anonymous audience/ jury that they believe has the power to approve or reject them.
bradlys 4y ago
Confused on your last point. Joining a good pre IPO company is generally a good idea. The difficult part is to find the good company, IMO. Look at how many were considered good but still haven’t gone public.
- meindnoch 4y ago
  His friend, who just won the lottery, told him that he shouldn’t work that hard, instead he should just win the lottery, like him.
- deanmoriarty 4y ago
  That’s the whole point, you can’t deterministically know which company will make you rich in a couple years without a massive amount of luck (like my friend). My friend instead meant it as: “are you stupid? Why don’t you just do like me? It’s so easy and simple!”. I clearly have a lot of startups and pre IPO companies under my belt, and he knew that.
  - bradlys 4y ago
    Got it. Makes sense. I figured maybe that was the case but the wording confused me.
robocat 4y ago
Surely you must know people that just do-their-own-thing, rather than the fake aspirationals (often middle-class status seekers)? I don’t think it is that difficult to tell the difference between the loving enthusiast (with say a gaming PC they built that looks like dreck using unpopular parts, with judicious use of expense), and the mere status chaser (with say a stupid expensive gaming PC with clichéd blingken lights, plus an enthusiasm for high-status parts and ranking behaviours). If engineers, find the true engineer types, rather than the wannabes? I could imagine it is difficult in some suburbs that mostly have plastic people, but you said you are more worldly than that. There are poseurs everywhere, but there are definite patterns of behaviour that you can use to filter them out, regardless of their clique.

deebosong 4y ago

I'm kinda like this as well. I'm not a misanthrope, and still enjoy the company of people. But. I used to status-jockey and be unconsciously and consciously obsessed with all of that, no matter the arena/ context/ subculture, etc. But doing a lot of inner work and unearthing what my core drives/ motives/ needs were, a lot of that status-jockeying and wanting to be in the in-group to feel this existential sense of acceptance and security started to come into focus, and a lot of old friendships became revealed as insecurity/ fear based (on both parties). And trying to introduce new paradigms to old friends became sort of the last-ditch effort to try to salvage relationships that were built on shaky foundation. It also made me look back on when people tried to speak truth into my beliefs when I was still caught-up in wanting to be relevant and seen as high-status & outwardly respectable, and how I couldn't hear what people were saying. I still wanna give people a chance, though, but accept them for where they communicate they are at and leave em alone if they're deep in that status-chasing game, and have no desire to explore getting out of that mess. There are still people out there who want to enjoy life and find meaning on other terms than getting validation from an anonymous audience/ jury that they believe has the power to approve or reject them.

bradlys 4y ago

Confused on your last point. Joining a good pre IPO company is generally a good idea. The difficult part is to find the good company, IMO. Look at how many were considered good but still haven’t gone public.

meindnoch 4y ago
His friend, who just won the lottery, told him that he shouldn’t work that hard, instead he should just win the lottery, like him.
deanmoriarty 4y ago
That’s the whole point, you can’t deterministically know which company will make you rich in a couple years without a massive amount of luck (like my friend). My friend instead meant it as: “are you stupid? Why don’t you just do like me? It’s so easy and simple!”. I clearly have a lot of startups and pre IPO companies under my belt, and he knew that.
- bradlys 4y ago
  Got it. Makes sense. I figured maybe that was the case but the wording confused me.

robocat 4y ago

Surely you must know people that just do-their-own-thing, rather than the fake aspirationals (often middle-class status seekers)? I don’t think it is that difficult to tell the difference between the loving enthusiast (with say a gaming PC they built that looks like dreck using unpopular parts, with judicious use of expense), and the mere status chaser (with say a stupid expensive gaming PC with clichéd blingken lights, plus an enthusiasm for high-status parts and ranking behaviours). If engineers, find the true engineer types, rather than the wannabes? I could imagine it is difficult in some suburbs that mostly have plastic people, but you said you are more worldly than that. There are poseurs everywhere, but there are definite patterns of behaviour that you can use to filter them out, regardless of their clique.