It seems the author defers to others, doesn’t communicate his own needs/desires, then gets upset when he doesn’t get what he wants. He explains it away by sayin

It seems the author defers to others, doesn’t communicate his own needs/desires, then gets upset when he doesn’t get what he wants. He explains it away by saying he was focused more on the art than the money — but clearly he’s focusing on the money a lot. It might be difficult to honestly confront your difficulties with confrontation/communication, but I imagine it’s more worthwhile than stewing, rationalizing, etc.