In response to your first paragraph, you say that, but so-called "grotesque manliness" is not only socially acceptable, it was literally the gender norm for cen

In response to your first paragraph, you say that, but so-called "grotesque manliness" is not only socially acceptable, it was literally the gender norm for centuries in the west. May be today or in some corners, such behavior is off-putting, but it definitely is far more the norm than nerd culture was until about ten or so years ago. I do however agree with your second paragraph that subcultures generally have their own norms which can be rigid and off-putting and rigidity is generally annoying. That said, in line with my contention, certain subcultures do genuinely correlate with certain social groups who do in fact have power in society and so it is a equivocation to presume that all subcultures can be judged on the same terms.