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"All my friends are online. Will people forget about me if I am not on the internet?" Yes. But they really weren't your friends to begin with, so it doesn't m

"All my friends are online. Will people forget about me if I am not on the internet?" Yes. But they really weren't your friends to begin with, so it doesn't matter.

jacooper 4y ago
I see this a lot, but is it actually true? Friendships are built on a shared interest / shared activities, and frequent contact. When you stop using the communication medium your friends use, then you just added friction to reach you, which stops frequent contact. you slowly go from a friend to an old friend or a distant old friend. There is a reason that when you move, its a lot harder to keep up with your old neighbors.
- izzydata 4y ago
  I think it is more implying that friends that you have exclusively online are more of psuedo-friends than real friends. Especially if they make no effort to continue communication after you stop using whatever form of social media you were using before.
- nonameiguess 4y ago
  There's a difference between a real friend and someone you have some affinity with and currently happen to share a community of some sort. It's fairly common to meet a friend while attending a particular elementary school, going to a church, playing a sport, but when you finish school, stop going to that church, stop playing the sport, you remain friends. It's obviously common to lose touch with a bunch of people and never talk to them again, either. Those were not your true friends. Which raises an interesting question. Is it possible at all to have a relationship that purely takes place on a web platform that will continue after you leave the platform? "The" communication medium your friends use seemingly shouldn't matter. A person you only interact with when there is no friction involved isn't much of a friend.
  - clnq 4y ago
    Jack Shafer in their book "The Like Switch" says that there are 4 elements in building a friendship: proximity, intensity, frequency and duration of interaction. Similarly to work and school friends who are very proximal and spend a bit of time with us, online friends tend to be very distant physically but the interactions we have with them can be intense (like gaming) and frequent. So these pseudo-friendships can have some elements of a strong (substitute for the word "real") friendships, but don't have all of them.
boppo1 4y ago
I don't really have friends anymore. The random strangers on HN and other boards are the closest thing I have to friends now. I have a handful of on-off DMs with strangers on instagram. I'm not an 'internet person', but the social selection near me just doesn't gel with who I grew up to be. Interests/hobbies/politics etc. Hopefully I can get money together to move soon and find people with whom I fit.
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
vaidhy 4y ago
So, who are "real" friends? Only people who you interact in face to face? Does the same thing also extend to family? If I move countries and can only meet my extended family over the web, they become "not my real" family?
- slothtrop 4y ago
  This weirdly ignores that no one wants or expects to interact with their family solely virtually indefinitely owing to distance, and that long-distance friendships made also entailed having met face-to-face before keeping in touch. A friend online can still be friendship, but more limited in what it can offer. There's no replacement for being with people, it's a fundamental human need. I've been in close-knit online communities in the past and never once did it fulfill social needs. At best it was entertaining.
clnq 4y ago
What qualifies as "a friend" to you? I find it's much easier to make friends online. But we seem to have different definitions for friendship.
msla 4y ago
Like how work friends aren't real friends: They stop seeing you after you get a new job.

"All my friends are online. Will people forget about me if I am not on the internet?" Yes. But they really weren't your friends to begin with, so it doesn't matter.

jacooper 4y ago

I see this a lot, but is it actually true? Friendships are built on a shared interest / shared activities, and frequent contact. When you stop using the communication medium your friends use, then you just added friction to reach you, which stops frequent contact. you slowly go from a friend to an old friend or a distant old friend. There is a reason that when you move, its a lot harder to keep up with your old neighbors.

izzydata 4y ago
I think it is more implying that friends that you have exclusively online are more of psuedo-friends than real friends. Especially if they make no effort to continue communication after you stop using whatever form of social media you were using before.
nonameiguess 4y ago
There's a difference between a real friend and someone you have some affinity with and currently happen to share a community of some sort. It's fairly common to meet a friend while attending a particular elementary school, going to a church, playing a sport, but when you finish school, stop going to that church, stop playing the sport, you remain friends. It's obviously common to lose touch with a bunch of people and never talk to them again, either. Those were not your true friends. Which raises an interesting question. Is it possible at all to have a relationship that purely takes place on a web platform that will continue after you leave the platform? "The" communication medium your friends use seemingly shouldn't matter. A person you only interact with when there is no friction involved isn't much of a friend.
- clnq 4y ago
  Jack Shafer in their book "The Like Switch" says that there are 4 elements in building a friendship: proximity, intensity, frequency and duration of interaction. Similarly to work and school friends who are very proximal and spend a bit of time with us, online friends tend to be very distant physically but the interactions we have with them can be intense (like gaming) and frequent. So these pseudo-friendships can have some elements of a strong (substitute for the word "real") friendships, but don't have all of them.

boppo1 4y ago

I don't really have friends anymore. The random strangers on HN and other boards are the closest thing I have to friends now. I have a handful of on-off DMs with strangers on instagram. I'm not an 'internet person', but the social selection near me just doesn't gel with who I grew up to be. Interests/hobbies/politics etc. Hopefully I can get money together to move soon and find people with whom I fit.

deleted 4y ago
[deleted]

vaidhy 4y ago

So, who are "real" friends? Only people who you interact in face to face? Does the same thing also extend to family? If I move countries and can only meet my extended family over the web, they become "not my real" family?

slothtrop 4y ago
This weirdly ignores that no one wants or expects to interact with their family solely virtually indefinitely owing to distance, and that long-distance friendships made also entailed having met face-to-face before keeping in touch. A friend online can still be friendship, but more limited in what it can offer. There's no replacement for being with people, it's a fundamental human need. I've been in close-knit online communities in the past and never once did it fulfill social needs. At best it was entertaining.

clnq 4y ago

What qualifies as "a friend" to you? I find it's much easier to make friends online. But we seem to have different definitions for friendship.

msla 4y ago

Like how work friends aren't real friends: They stop seeing you after you get a new job.