4 ms·

I sometimes have to face phone calls like these where I know the person is very outgoing and has very "shareable" interests (interests that are simple, broadly

I sometimes have to face phone calls like these where I know the person is very outgoing and has very "shareable" interests (interests that are simple, broadly applicable to everyone and in vogue - think hiking/climbing, frequenting breweries etc), and it feels weird having to say something like "Oh I didn't do much last weekend. Just some chores, practiced some music and read a few more chapters of <insert-well-known-but-not-popular-book>. Caught an amazing playoff game as well". To be fair, they are not judgemental and the question is asked in earnest, but there is this feeling of inadequacy that is stoked in me, despite knowing that I picked my own interests and am happy with them.

sgt101 4y ago
Well, most people would latch onto the "practiced some music" and want to know more! Just stay off the heroin and I think you'll be fine.
- rakejake 4y ago
  Lol, unfortunately it is not that kind of music. It is Indian classical, not very conducive to free-flowing conversation unless the person on the other side is a 60 year old enthusiast.
munificent 4y ago
I am on both sides of this. Thanks to significant feelings of inadequacy and social anxiety, I have a tendency to seek out "shareable" (excellent term for this) hobbies and activities so that I do have "interesting" stuff to talk about. At the same time, I recognize that I'm doing this partially to fill a psychological void in myself. (Only partially because I am actually authentically deeply into these interests as well. I'm not a completely shallow person.) So when talking to people, I try to not overfit and focus on my more obvious conversation-worthy pursuits. But I also don't want to just be boring either and talk about nothing. When I think about my favorite conversations with other people, it's rarely about what they have been doing. Instead, it's people that do normal stuff, but have particularly keen or funny insights on it. So that's what I aim for: to talk about the everday minutiae of life, but hopefully in a way that's a little more perceptive, or unusual or something.
psychomugs 4y ago
I can relate. It ebbs and flows, but right now I'm content with devoting my weekends to working on my projects: also practicing music, organizing several terabytes of photos from the past decade, hobby robotics projects, making a dent in the tsudoku'd pile of books and films and media I've amassed. I think often of our modes of consumption and creation. I've experienced enough of those shareable interests to know that those are pleasant in moderation - human beings as social creatures and such - but that I find them to be primarily consumptive in nature. Creation takes a lot of time - often alone, occasionally frustrating - but the delayed reward is (usually) worth it.
- rakejake 4y ago
  +1. Totally agree.

sgt101 4y ago

Well, most people would latch onto the "practiced some music" and want to know more! Just stay off the heroin and I think you'll be fine.

rakejake 4y ago
Lol, unfortunately it is not that kind of music. It is Indian classical, not very conducive to free-flowing conversation unless the person on the other side is a 60 year old enthusiast.

munificent 4y ago

I am on both sides of this. Thanks to significant feelings of inadequacy and social anxiety, I have a tendency to seek out "shareable" (excellent term for this) hobbies and activities so that I do have "interesting" stuff to talk about. At the same time, I recognize that I'm doing this partially to fill a psychological void in myself. (Only partially because I am actually authentically deeply into these interests as well. I'm not a completely shallow person.) So when talking to people, I try to not overfit and focus on my more obvious conversation-worthy pursuits. But I also don't want to just be boring either and talk about nothing. When I think about my favorite conversations with other people, it's rarely about what they have been doing. Instead, it's people that do normal stuff, but have particularly keen or funny insights on it. So that's what I aim for: to talk about the everday minutiae of life, but hopefully in a way that's a little more perceptive, or unusual or something.

psychomugs 4y ago

I can relate. It ebbs and flows, but right now I'm content with devoting my weekends to working on my projects: also practicing music, organizing several terabytes of photos from the past decade, hobby robotics projects, making a dent in the tsudoku'd pile of books and films and media I've amassed. I think often of our modes of consumption and creation. I've experienced enough of those shareable interests to know that those are pleasant in moderation - human beings as social creatures and such - but that I find them to be primarily consumptive in nature. Creation takes a lot of time - often alone, occasionally frustrating - but the delayed reward is (usually) worth it.

rakejake 4y ago
+1. Totally agree.