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Seeing this up close with my mother-in-law. Her husband passed away 2 years ago and she's still in the same broken state as the day he died. After 50 years tog
by fleddr 4y ago
Seeing this up close with my mother-in-law. Her husband passed away 2 years ago and she's still in the same broken state as the day he died.
After 50 years together, the triggers are unavoidable. The town, every place in it, every routine, everything in the house, every action she does...it's all connected to him in an inescapable way.
She's functional but it's as if any meaning and purpose was rugged away. She can't grow over it or recover, it runs too deep. 50 years isn't a phase, it's a blended life now brutally ripped apart.
She's now effectively waiting for it to be over. Still living independently in an apartment building full of her kind, as us men pass early. Her future now holds waiting to become care-dependent, lose all control and dignity, and then some more waiting.
Yes, controversial as it may be, I question the humanity of our "humane" approach. But I digress, and would emphasize to cherish your loved ones and your good years.
- OkayPhysicist 4y agoThe only senior living situation I've ever witnessed that actually seemed like an enviable one is the one my paternal grandparents lived in. Place reminded me a lot of my rather nice university living situation, but with significantly larger apartments. Communal spaces including several dining halls with appropriately nice food, activities both actively organized (trips, approachable hikes, various clubs, classes, guest lecturers) and simply available (sports courts, a wood shop, a gym with a pool). Basically, university for those with a lower tolerance for discomfort, with a significantly more busy health clinic. Of course, that all came with the requirement of spending a not-so-small fortune. But it really demonstrates, to me at least, that the dichotomy between "living alone" and "wasting away in a care home that resembles a hospital" is a false one, a product of a cruel economic system more than anything else.