4 ms·

I would take it 1 step farther, if you're not teaching your children how to deal with bullies themselves then you're harming them for life. There's a point at

I would take it 1 step farther, if you're not teaching your children how to deal with bullies themselves then you're harming them for life. There's a point at which the child cannot possibly deal with it and you as the parent must step in to protect them, but most of the time if a child learns how to deal with bullies you don't need to.

mypalmike 4y ago
"Stop being weird looking and small. Ah there you go, problem fixed." The only thing you can teach a bullied child to do is to fight back. They will lose the fight but the bully will usually move on to an easier target.
anonymousDan 4y ago
What would you suggest to teach them? I was never really bullied but worry now about my own son and what to do if he is.
- P5fRxh5kUvp2th 4y ago
  I don't have a clear answer but definitely they should know you have their back, it certainly makes it easier if the child knows you'll support them in it (even when they perhaps did the wrong thing). Outside of that, they need to be taught that buttholes exist and dealing with them is a fact of life. They shouldn't start things, but they definitely should end them. That was the metric for us while in school, especially if we got into "fisticuffs". I think for you it's important to understand that school and teachers can't be trusted. I'm not saying teachers suck, but shitty teachers exist. My middle brother once had a teacher take a dislike to him because he corrected her in class. I once had a teacher that would make me stand out in the hall behind the coats on the coat rack. My mother showed up at the school for both, I was pulled from that class and put into another class with a teacher named Mrs Parker, whom I absolutely adored. I still remember the song we would sing at the beginning of class (about parking cars). My point is that if your child is having an issue with a teacher, don't assume it's the child, my experience is that it very often wasn't. You build trust with your children by SHOWING them that you're there for them. Of course, that doesn't mean every poor interaction with a teacher is the teachers fault. We were dirt poor so I suspect that had something to do with it as well. --- Anyways, none of that is really concrete, I don't know that concrete advice really applies to a question like that. Imo, kids learn what you teach them even if you don't know you're teaching them, and there is no such thing as a single glorifying lesson, it's a slow march over time, exactly as you would do to build trust with someone.
vintermann 4y ago
You sound like you have never met a real bully. Just because a kid is mean and tough doesn't mean they're a bully. Actual bullies have a very keen sense of how the victim might fight back and what it would cost them. And they go ahead with the bullying - breaking down a person, because they can - because they know the victim can't effectively fight back.
- P5fRxh5kUvp2th 4y ago
  The reason people like me don't get bullied is because I learned (and was taught) very early on to stand up for myself. I once had a teacher make me stand outside in the hall behind the coats in the coat rack (ALL DAY), don't tell me I know nothing about bullies.
  - vintermann 4y ago
    Was that before you learned to stand up for yourself, then? Or wasn't it bullying?
    - P5fRxh5kUvp2th 4y ago
      from another comment of mine: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33808521 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33808521 > There's a point at which the child cannot possibly deal with it and you as the parent must step in to protect them, but most of the time if a child learns how to deal with bullies you don't need to. And the next step isn't to start arguing about what does, and doesn't, constitute a bully. --- The way my mother tells it, I started crying when I got into the car after school and wouldn't tell her what was going on. After the 3rd day in a row she got very insistent, I finally told her and she never left that parking lot before having it cleared up with the school. They removed me from her class and put me in another class with a teacher named Mrs Parker (whom I adored). You're mistaken if you think my argument is that there aren't situations in which the parent MUST step in.
      - vintermann 4y ago

mypalmike 4y ago

"Stop being weird looking and small. Ah there you go, problem fixed." The only thing you can teach a bullied child to do is to fight back. They will lose the fight but the bully will usually move on to an easier target.

anonymousDan 4y ago

What would you suggest to teach them? I was never really bullied but worry now about my own son and what to do if he is.

P5fRxh5kUvp2th 4y ago
I don't have a clear answer but definitely they should know you have their back, it certainly makes it easier if the child knows you'll support them in it (even when they perhaps did the wrong thing). Outside of that, they need to be taught that buttholes exist and dealing with them is a fact of life. They shouldn't start things, but they definitely should end them. That was the metric for us while in school, especially if we got into "fisticuffs". I think for you it's important to understand that school and teachers can't be trusted. I'm not saying teachers suck, but shitty teachers exist. My middle brother once had a teacher take a dislike to him because he corrected her in class. I once had a teacher that would make me stand out in the hall behind the coats on the coat rack. My mother showed up at the school for both, I was pulled from that class and put into another class with a teacher named Mrs Parker, whom I absolutely adored. I still remember the song we would sing at the beginning of class (about parking cars). My point is that if your child is having an issue with a teacher, don't assume it's the child, my experience is that it very often wasn't. You build trust with your children by SHOWING them that you're there for them. Of course, that doesn't mean every poor interaction with a teacher is the teachers fault. We were dirt poor so I suspect that had something to do with it as well. --- Anyways, none of that is really concrete, I don't know that concrete advice really applies to a question like that. Imo, kids learn what you teach them even if you don't know you're teaching them, and there is no such thing as a single glorifying lesson, it's a slow march over time, exactly as you would do to build trust with someone.

vintermann 4y ago

You sound like you have never met a real bully. Just because a kid is mean and tough doesn't mean they're a bully. Actual bullies have a very keen sense of how the victim might fight back and what it would cost them. And they go ahead with the bullying - breaking down a person, because they can - because they know the victim can't effectively fight back.

P5fRxh5kUvp2th 4y ago
The reason people like me don't get bullied is because I learned (and was taught) very early on to stand up for myself. I once had a teacher make me stand outside in the hall behind the coats in the coat rack (ALL DAY), don't tell me I know nothing about bullies.
- vintermann 4y ago
  Was that before you learned to stand up for yourself, then? Or wasn't it bullying?
  - P5fRxh5kUvp2th 4y ago
    from another comment of mine: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33808521 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33808521 > There's a point at which the child cannot possibly deal with it and you as the parent must step in to protect them, but most of the time if a child learns how to deal with bullies you don't need to. And the next step isn't to start arguing about what does, and doesn't, constitute a bully. --- The way my mother tells it, I started crying when I got into the car after school and wouldn't tell her what was going on. After the 3rd day in a row she got very insistent, I finally told her and she never left that parking lot before having it cleared up with the school. They removed me from her class and put me in another class with a teacher named Mrs Parker (whom I adored). You're mistaken if you think my argument is that there aren't situations in which the parent MUST step in.
    - vintermann 4y ago