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Learning to say "no" is a super power. It also takes a lot of tact, and that can include redirection. Instead of telling somebody what isn't possible, I like to

Learning to say "no" is a super power. It also takes a lot of tact, and that can include redirection. Instead of telling somebody what isn't possible, I like to tell them what is possible and reset their expectations. My "No" sounds a lot like a "yes" that they get to execute themselves. "Hey, can you do XYZ for me, I really need it." "Oh, are you trying to solve ABC? There's an article I found that shows how to solve ABC without even having to do XYZ- can I send it to you?" "Sure!" Now I'm on the hook to DM/email a link, but not do XYZ. Solved. Does it work for every situation? You guessed it. No.

ilyt 4y ago
And for anything that's not the work you are contracted for "My consulting rate is $XXX/hour"
- karussell 4y ago
  I do open source for money and still you have to say No very often.
  - ilyt 4y ago
    Well, yeah, "just add that random feature only I need" doesn't lead to great code, even if someone is getting paid for it. As OpenSSL project clearly showed...
sublinear 4y ago
I disagree. One aspect of "tact" is that it's not always necessary.
- scarface74 4y ago
  I agree. Once my former CTO (and now friend) got to know each other, we had a common vision of what needed to be accomplished and sometimes bumped heads about the best way to do it (in hindsight he was right about 60% of the time). I was leading the “cloud native” initiatives. We had no time for “shit sandwiches”. I would just as often tell him that “you know in your heart that’s a dumb idea” and he would often tell me “I don’t have time for this shit can you just get to the point”. He was very technical. But focused on strategy. Of course this only happened behind closed doors and we would go to lunch afterwards. We got a lot done. Because of his mentorship on how to navigate politics and talk to and present to CxOs, I went from not knowing “cloud” in 2018 to working in the loud consulting department two years later. On his end, the company had sn exit for 10x revenue about six months after I left. It was a small company with only 3 million in revenue.
  - latchkey 4y ago
    Two heads are always better than one.
- geocrasher 4y ago
  "Does it work for every situation? You guessed it. No." I agree that tact is not always appropriate. Sometimes the only way to get the point across is to be point blank with the answer. "Can you do XYZ" "Nope, not in a million years." Does it work for every situation? You guessed it. No.
ht_th 4y ago
As a teacher, I like to start with "No". Then, in the next paragraph, I explain why, come with alternatives, etc. This way I clearly and unambiguously communicate the answer, but I also try to be helpful. Over the years I learned that doing this the other way around, thus starting by being helpful and then saying no, resulted in people seeing wiggle room and started to negotiated with me.
petre 4y ago
In Japan saying a definite no is kind of taboo and rather impolite. They'll say it's difficult, invoking lack of time etc. https://cotoacademy.com/how-to-say-no-in-japanese/ https://cotoacademy.com/how-to-say-no-in-japanese/

ilyt 4y ago

And for anything that's not the work you are contracted for "My consulting rate is $XXX/hour"

karussell 4y ago
I do open source for money and still you have to say No very often.
- ilyt 4y ago
  Well, yeah, "just add that random feature only I need" doesn't lead to great code, even if someone is getting paid for it. As OpenSSL project clearly showed...

sublinear 4y ago

I disagree. One aspect of "tact" is that it's not always necessary.

scarface74 4y ago
I agree. Once my former CTO (and now friend) got to know each other, we had a common vision of what needed to be accomplished and sometimes bumped heads about the best way to do it (in hindsight he was right about 60% of the time). I was leading the “cloud native” initiatives. We had no time for “shit sandwiches”. I would just as often tell him that “you know in your heart that’s a dumb idea” and he would often tell me “I don’t have time for this shit can you just get to the point”. He was very technical. But focused on strategy. Of course this only happened behind closed doors and we would go to lunch afterwards. We got a lot done. Because of his mentorship on how to navigate politics and talk to and present to CxOs, I went from not knowing “cloud” in 2018 to working in the loud consulting department two years later. On his end, the company had sn exit for 10x revenue about six months after I left. It was a small company with only 3 million in revenue.
- latchkey 4y ago
  Two heads are always better than one.
geocrasher 4y ago
"Does it work for every situation? You guessed it. No." I agree that tact is not always appropriate. Sometimes the only way to get the point across is to be point blank with the answer. "Can you do XYZ" "Nope, not in a million years." Does it work for every situation? You guessed it. No.

ht_th 4y ago

As a teacher, I like to start with "No". Then, in the next paragraph, I explain why, come with alternatives, etc. This way I clearly and unambiguously communicate the answer, but I also try to be helpful. Over the years I learned that doing this the other way around, thus starting by being helpful and then saying no, resulted in people seeing wiggle room and started to negotiated with me.

petre 4y ago

In Japan saying a definite no is kind of taboo and rather impolite. They'll say it's difficult, invoking lack of time etc. https://cotoacademy.com/how-to-say-no-in-japanese/ https://cotoacademy.com/how-to-say-no-in-japanese/