> I...was too anxious to try...a non-standard action That's a really familiar type of anxiety. We tend to put a lot of human interaction into a shared narrati

> I...was too anxious to try...a non-standard action That's a really familiar type of anxiety. We tend to put a lot of human interaction into a shared narrative. That's pretty useful, so long as there is a role in that narrative that we can fill, that will bring us to a desired outcome. As soon as it doesn't, we suddenly become personality responsible for writing the narrative. To become the writer is intensely liberating, but the pen feels heavy and sharp to an unpracticed hand. And we have a lot of social boundaries that make it feel wrong to be the writer. Who are you to dictate this interaction? Isn't that selfish or greedy? Playing God? Blasphemy! Social interaction can feel a lot like chess. After years of practice playing the roles of each piece, being a pawn, a bishop, a rook, the queen, all you have left is a king. 50 more moves and you lose! What do you do? Cheat? But cheating is wrong! It's an unfair advantage! It breaks the rules! Breaking the rules is actually fine. The rules are nothing more than structure for the game. We don't have to keep playing. The only rules we can't break are thermodynamics. My first instinct is to make a new game. Better yet, an expansion! I can just put all my desired functionality into an abstraction, and share that with everyone! That's collaboration, right? I have another word: boilerplate. The scary thing about playing God isn't rejection: it's faith. If someone puts their faith in my narrative, then suddenly I'm responsible for their needs, too. I don't want the responsibility. I don't want to pay God. But that's selfish in it's own way: someone has to fill the role. If I'm the one putting faith in others, then I'm dumping my own responsibility onto them. So there is no way around this anxiety. I can't factor it out and abstract it away. I can't place the burden on someone else and expect them to succeed for me. I can't analyze and predict potential outcomes. There are only two moves left: 1. Wait 2. Act Option #1 is just what we call the time leading up to Option #2, so the choice has already been made. The only question left is, "When?" "Now" is as good as answer as any other. --- The thing I have to keep reminding myself is that "yes" is a valid option. It's important to respect "no" when you hear it, but to expect "no" takes all the power and potential out of "yes".