3 ms·

This is way too complicated. All you have do is show up to the same place regularly to places where other people also show up regularly. School, work, dog park,

This is way too complicated. All you have do is show up to the same place regularly to places where other people also show up regularly. School, work, dog park, gym, etc.

wpwpwpw 4y ago
I agree with this. From my experience, people who feel lonely (and feel saddened by that) tend to become overly worried about what others think of them and obsessed on making an impression. That usually leads to them becoming an echo chamber of themselves and starting to act "artificially", which is noticed by others as not being authentic. I'd say that sharing, which arises from mutual interest, is the cornerstone. So being in places where people authentically share mutual interests and cooperate is a great place to make friends. Sports associations (team sports, climbing, hiking, with the added bonus of physical activity being awesome for mental health) community centers with activities (chess, musical groups, dancing)...
dragonsky67 4y ago
I think so. Seems so many people want a "how to" on every aspect of their lives. Friendship should not be something you try to design or have a strategy for, I can think of nothing that would drive me away faster. Friendship happens, if through shared experience, interest or just chance. True friendship doesn't happen because you woke up one morning and "Make a Friend" was at the top of your todo list for the day.
- GeorgeDewar 4y ago
  I think for many, perhaps even most people, you're right and friendship happens organically without deliberate intent. Some people just do not work this way - maybe it's being somewhere on the autism spectrum, but whatever the cause, some people need to take a more methodical approach to do this. I think what this blog post shows is that such an approach really can result in true friendships. It's a bit like online dating I suppose. That idea is abhorrent to some (or used to be - the stigma has reduced considerably over time), but when it works, there's nothing preventing the resulting relationship from being as genuine as one that started any other way.
batiudrami 4y ago
Showing up definitely helps but in my experience the transition from acquaintance to friend comes through a bonding moment where there was an emotional connection - either struggling through or achieving something together or vulnerability from one or both of you. There are a lot of bad things about drugs and alcohol but one of the reasons I like them is they tend to enable/accelerate these moments.
kelnos 4y ago
Showing up isn't enough. You have to engage with people, and push past mundane surface-level topics of conversation. And after that, you have to follow up and schedule time outside of whatever place/activity where you met. I know plenty of people who go to work or a gym or whatever every day, but don't come away from it with close friendships.
pessimizer 4y ago
That's quite obviously not true, because almost everyone shows up to places regularly, and some people fail to make friends. Unless you assume that all the people who are having trouble making friends are jobless independently-wealthy agoraphobic shut-ins.

This is way too complicated. All you have do is show up to the same place regularly to places where other people also show up regularly. School, work, dog park, gym, etc.

wpwpwpw 4y ago

I agree with this. From my experience, people who feel lonely (and feel saddened by that) tend to become overly worried about what others think of them and obsessed on making an impression. That usually leads to them becoming an echo chamber of themselves and starting to act "artificially", which is noticed by others as not being authentic. I'd say that sharing, which arises from mutual interest, is the cornerstone. So being in places where people authentically share mutual interests and cooperate is a great place to make friends. Sports associations (team sports, climbing, hiking, with the added bonus of physical activity being awesome for mental health) community centers with activities (chess, musical groups, dancing)...

dragonsky67 4y ago

I think so. Seems so many people want a "how to" on every aspect of their lives. Friendship should not be something you try to design or have a strategy for, I can think of nothing that would drive me away faster. Friendship happens, if through shared experience, interest or just chance. True friendship doesn't happen because you woke up one morning and "Make a Friend" was at the top of your todo list for the day.

GeorgeDewar 4y ago
I think for many, perhaps even most people, you're right and friendship happens organically without deliberate intent. Some people just do not work this way - maybe it's being somewhere on the autism spectrum, but whatever the cause, some people need to take a more methodical approach to do this. I think what this blog post shows is that such an approach really can result in true friendships. It's a bit like online dating I suppose. That idea is abhorrent to some (or used to be - the stigma has reduced considerably over time), but when it works, there's nothing preventing the resulting relationship from being as genuine as one that started any other way.

batiudrami 4y ago

Showing up definitely helps but in my experience the transition from acquaintance to friend comes through a bonding moment where there was an emotional connection - either struggling through or achieving something together or vulnerability from one or both of you. There are a lot of bad things about drugs and alcohol but one of the reasons I like them is they tend to enable/accelerate these moments.

kelnos 4y ago

Showing up isn't enough. You have to engage with people, and push past mundane surface-level topics of conversation. And after that, you have to follow up and schedule time outside of whatever place/activity where you met. I know plenty of people who go to work or a gym or whatever every day, but don't come away from it with close friendships.

pessimizer 4y ago

That's quite obviously not true, because almost everyone shows up to places regularly, and some people fail to make friends. Unless you assume that all the people who are having trouble making friends are jobless independently-wealthy agoraphobic shut-ins.